[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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Most of us find communicating with a solicitor daunting, whether it\u2019s your own or your soon-to-be-ex-husband’s.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
In How to communicate with a divorce solicitor, <\/em>I will take you through the main dos and don\u2019ts to keep communication productive and keep your divorce on track.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Bookmark it and come back to it \u2013 solicitor\u2019s correspondence can be triggering, so return to this guide every time you find your hackles rising.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It may sound obvious, but remember what their role is. A solicitor is a legal professional. They are there to give legal advice – either to you or your ex.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Remember that unless your solicitor is working for a fixed fee every communication will generate a bill. Even if you are on a fixed fee, anything that the solicitor deems to be outside that arrangement will be billed – so be careful. Check what communication is included and what isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While they need to get a flavour of your situation, and if it\u2019s high conflict they need to understand that, they don\u2019t need the ins and outs of all your disagreements. Don\u2019t get me wrong, they\u2019ll gladly listen\u2026 at their standard rate. No-one is better off by using a solicitor as a counsellor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Don\u2019t ask a solicitor to do a job they\u2019re not qualified to do. You wouldn\u2019t get your cleaner to re-wire your house, would you? So don\u2019t take your emotional issues to your lawyer. Read up on how to build a support team here<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n One of the best ways to get the most out of your solicitor is to be clear about expectations.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Your solicitor expects instructions from you about how you want them to proceed – so you need to know what you want them to do. They can explain your options but you have to choose. This is why I always recommend getting clued up on divorce before<\/em> instructing a solicitor. You can read all about getting divorce ready in my book, \u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Before you instruct them ask them how long they generally take to reply. If you have experienced being ignored as part of a pattern of abuse and you find it triggering, let them know.\u00a0 Equally, you are responsible for managing your emotions so get support with this if you need to. How to communicate with a divorce solicitor\u00a0<\/em>starts with the recognition that it’s your responsibility to communicate with them what they need to know.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A good solution focused solicitor (you can find a list and resources here<\/a>) will encourage you to work in partnership with them. They\u2019ll encourage you to get appropriate support from services other than themselves if they\u2019re not best placed to help you.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Keep your communication factual and to the point. Remember your solicitor is charging you in six-minute blocks to read and reply to any correspondence. The longer and more rambling your letters are, the more it\u2019ll cost. Solicitors love a letter they can read and action quickly – it’s one less file to deal with today.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When responding to communication from your ex\u2019s solicitor keep it factual and to the point. Just as with your own solicitor, you\u2019re more likely to get a timely response.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Many people feel that they are being ignored by their solicitors. Mostly (but not always) this is ego thinking. Of course, for you, your divorce is the most important thing in the world right now. But for your solicitor, however, dedicated they are, you are one of many.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A good solicitor will be a busy solicitor. Your solicitor has to balance the needs of all their clients and the closer you get to settling or litigation the more the solicitor will focus on you.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Equally, if you don\u2019t get a response from your ex\u2019s solicitor, it\u2019s not that they\u2019re being rude. They won\u2019t respond if a) your ex owes them money or b) they don\u2019t have any instructions from your ex by which to respond.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Your ego will get in the way when you receive correspondence from your ex\u2019s solicitor that you find sharp or controlling. It\u2019s upsetting. When it first happens it can feel like a kick in the stomach, particularly when you have been amicable and courteous. You may wonder where its come from.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Unfortunately, it\u2019s part of the language and game of divorce. Most of it is posturing so take a breath and a step away. The letter is designed to assert their authority – it doesn\u2019t mean they are \u2018right\u2019 or that you need to acquiesce or kowtow. It\u2019s not personal. It just feels <\/em>personal.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n You may get a letter that is plain rude. It doesn\u2019t happen often but I have read some frankly appalling letters from solicitors who call themselves professional. It\u2019s sad because they bring the reputation of the profession down.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you do receive these types of letter, don\u2019t retaliate. It doesn\u2019t mean they will get away with it. You can make formal complaints either to Resolution or the Law Society at the conclusion of your case.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you receive a letter you find offensive it\u2019s tempting to fire one back. Don\u2019t. If you\u2019re represented, let your solicitor handle it. The family law community isn\u2019t that large and there\u2019s every possibility that your solicitor knows your ex\u2019s solicitor, at least professionally. They will know how they operate and what their tactics are. Let your solicitor reply – now that is one thing you do pay them for!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019re self-representing, write the letter you wish you could send. Let your rage boil over onto the page. Then – delete it. Or print it and rip it up. You\u2019ll feel better having got it all out. But to get to the end of your divorce as smoothly as possible, you need to keep the heat down when you\u2019re communicating with your ex or their solicitor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So take the letter, ignore the commentary and look at what it\u2019s saying. What is it asking you to do?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019re not sure you have to respond to a request, get advice. If it\u2019s in relation to court directions comply as concisely as you can. Don\u2019t add your own digs and commentary, particularly if you plan to make formal complaints in the future. By all means state calmly you find the tones of the letters threatening or aggressive and request them to be courteous then leave it alone.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Helping clients interpret, process and respond to communication from their ex or solicitors is one of the most practical and powerful parts of my work.\u00a0 When you\u2019re feeling out of your depth or like you\u2019re not good enough it\u2019s easy to become defensive and not even realise it. How to communicate with a divorce solicitor\u00a0<\/em>has given you the tools to change the way you deal with your communication.<\/p>\n Still feeling out of your depth?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I can help you step back and see the bigger picture. Struggling to communicate? Not sure how to respond to that text message, email or voicemail? Tempted to shut down or respond with the same level of aggression you feel is coming your way?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let me help you make sense of it and stick to the facts. Not only does it move your divorce forward more smoothly, it means you stay above the petty power plays and mind games \u2013 you set your own agenda and build your sense of self-worth.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Here\u2019s what one of my clients wrote to me after I helped craft a response to her soon-to-be ex-husband:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThank you soooo much! Your insight, reflections and the way you word things is incredibly helpful. You manage to phrase things in a way that is clear and assertive but at the same time comes from a place of respect and empathy\u201d.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Book in a free half hour chat<\/a> to see how I can help you.<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How to communicate with a divorce solicitor Most of us find communicating with a solicitor daunting, whether it\u2019s your own or your soon-to-be-ex-husband’s. In How to communicate with a divorce solicitor, I will take you through the main dos and don\u2019ts to keep communication productive and keep your divorce on track. Bookmark […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":10297,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" \u00a0<\/p> Most of us find communicating with a solicitor daunting, whether it\u2019s your own or your soon-to-be-ex-husband's.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> In How to communicate with a divorce solicitor, <\/em>I will take you through the main dos and don\u2019ts to keep communication productive and keep your divorce on track.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Bookmark it and come back to it \u2013 solicitor\u2019s correspondence can be triggering, so return to this guide every time you find your hackles rising.<\/p> \u00a0<\/strong><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It may sound obvious, but remember what their role is. A solicitor is a legal professional. They are there to give legal advice - either to you or your ex.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Remember that unless your solicitor is working for a fixed fee every communication will generate a bill. Even if you are on a fixed fee, anything that the solicitor deems to be outside that arrangement will be billed - so be careful. Check what communication is included and what isn\u2019t.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> While they need to get a flavour of your situation, and if it\u2019s high conflict they need to understand that, they don\u2019t need the ins and outs of all your disagreements. Don\u2019t get me wrong, they\u2019ll gladly listen\u2026 at their standard rate. No-one is better off by using a solicitor as a counsellor.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Don\u2019t ask a solicitor to do a job they\u2019re not qualified to do. You wouldn\u2019t get your cleaner to re-wire your house, would you? So don\u2019t take your emotional issues to your lawyer. Read up on how to build a support team here<\/a>.<\/p> \u00a0<\/strong><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> One of the best ways to get the most out of your solicitor is to be clear about expectations.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Your solicitor expects instructions from you about how you want them to proceed - so you need to know what you want them to do. They can explain your options but you have to choose. This is why I always recommend getting clued up on divorce before<\/em> instructing a solicitor. You can read all about getting divorce ready in my book, \u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/a>.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Before you instruct them ask them how long they generally take to reply. If you have experienced being ignored as part of a pattern of abuse and you find it triggering, let them know.\u00a0 Equally, you are responsible for managing your emotions so get support with this if you need to. How to communicate with a divorce solicitor\u00a0<\/em>starts with the recognition that it's your responsibility to communicate with them what they need to know.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> A good solution focused solicitor (you can find a list and resources here<\/a>) will encourage you to work in partnership with them. They\u2019ll encourage you to get appropriate support from services other than themselves if they\u2019re not best placed to help you.<\/p> \u00a0<\/strong><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Keep your communication factual and to the point. Remember your solicitor is charging you in six-minute blocks to read and reply to any correspondence. The longer and more rambling your letters are, the more it\u2019ll cost. Solicitors love a letter they can read and action quickly - it's one less file to deal with today.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When responding to communication from your ex\u2019s solicitor keep it factual and to the point. Just as with your own solicitor, you\u2019re more likely to get a timely response.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Many people feel that they are being ignored by their solicitors. Mostly (but not always) this is ego thinking. Of course, for you, your divorce is the most important thing in the world right now. But for your solicitor, however, dedicated they are, you are one of many.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> A good solicitor will be a busy solicitor. Your solicitor has to balance the needs of all their clients and the closer you get to settling or litigation the more the solicitor will focus on you.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Equally, if you don\u2019t get a response from your ex\u2019s solicitor, it\u2019s not that they\u2019re being rude. They won\u2019t respond if a) your ex owes them money or b) they don\u2019t have any instructions from your ex by which to respond.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Your ego will get in the way when you receive correspondence from your ex\u2019s solicitor that you find sharp or controlling. It\u2019s upsetting. When it first happens it can feel like a kick in the stomach, particularly when you have been amicable and courteous. You may wonder where its come from.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Unfortunately, it\u2019s part of the language and game of divorce. Most of it is posturing so take a breath and a step away. The letter is designed to assert their authority - it doesn\u2019t mean they are \u2018right\u2019 or that you need to acquiesce or kowtow. It\u2019s not personal. It just feels <\/em>personal.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> You may get a letter that is plain rude. It doesn\u2019t happen often but I have read some frankly appalling letters from solicitors who call themselves professional. It\u2019s sad because they bring the reputation of the profession down.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you do receive these types of letter, don\u2019t retaliate. It doesn\u2019t mean they will get away with it. You can make formal complaints either to Resolution or the Law Society at the conclusion of your case.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you receive a letter you find offensive it\u2019s tempting to fire one back. Don\u2019t. If you\u2019re represented, let your solicitor handle it. The family law community isn\u2019t that large and there\u2019s every possibility that your solicitor knows your ex\u2019s solicitor, at least professionally. They will know how they operate and what their tactics are. Let your solicitor reply - now that is one thing you do pay them for!<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you\u2019re self-representing, write the letter you wish you could send. Let your rage boil over onto the page. Then - delete it. Or print it and rip it up. You\u2019ll feel better having got it all out. But to get to the end of your divorce as smoothly as possible, you need to keep the heat down when you\u2019re communicating with your ex or their solicitor.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> So take the letter, ignore the commentary and look at what it\u2019s saying. What is it asking you to do?<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you\u2019re not sure you have to respond to a request, get advice. If it\u2019s in relation to court directions comply as concisely as you can. Don\u2019t add your own digs and commentary, particularly if you plan to make formal complaints in the future. By all means state calmly you find the tones of the letters threatening or aggressive and request them to be courteous then leave it alone.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Helping clients interpret, process and respond to communication from their ex or solicitors is one of the most practical and powerful parts of my work.\u00a0 When you\u2019re feeling out of your depth or like you\u2019re not good enough it\u2019s easy to become defensive and not even realise it. How to communicate with a divorce solicitor\u00a0<\/em>has given you the tools to change the way you deal with your communication.<\/p> Still feeling out of your depth?<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> I can help you step back and see the bigger picture. Struggling to communicate? Not sure how to respond to that text message, email or voicemail? Tempted to shut down or respond with the same level of aggression you feel is coming your way?<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Let me help you make sense of it and stick to the facts. Not only does it move your divorce forward more smoothly, it means you stay above the petty power plays and mind games \u2013 you set your own agenda and build your sense of self-worth.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Here\u2019s what one of my clients wrote to me after I helped craft a response to her soon-to-be ex-husband:<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u201cThank you soooo much! Your insight, reflections and the way you word things is incredibly helpful. You manage to phrase things in a way that is clear and assertive but at the same time comes from a place of respect and empathy\u201d.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Book in a free half hour chat<\/a> to see how I can help you.<\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p> \u00a0<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-6.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-2G2","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10294"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10294\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10297"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Do: remember what their role is<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Do: start as you mean to go on<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Do: stick to the facts<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Do: remember it\u2019s not just about you<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Don\u2019t: take it personally<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Don\u2019t: fight fire with fire<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>I can help<\/span><\/h2>\n
How to communicate with a divorce solicitor<\/h1>
Do: remember what their role is<\/h2>
Do: start as you mean to go on<\/h2>
Do: stick to the facts<\/h2>
Do: remember it\u2019s not just about you<\/h2>
Don\u2019t: take it personally<\/h2>
Don\u2019t: fight fire with fire<\/h2>
I can help<\/h2>