{"id":14816,"date":"2020-01-27T06:11:28","date_gmt":"2020-01-27T06:11:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=14816"},"modified":"2023-08-14T11:18:26","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T10:18:26","slug":"the-power-of-connection-during-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-power-of-connection-during-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"The power of connection during divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_code _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;]<iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/17579993\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/c5b2b1\/\" height=\"90\" width=\"100%\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.21.0&#8243; text_font_size=&#8221;16px&#8221; header_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#c5b2b1&#8243; header_2_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_2_text_color=&#8221;#c984a4&#8243; header_3_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_3_text_color=&#8221;#c5b2b1&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; text_orientation=&#8221;justified&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p>Divorce is perhaps the ultimate challenge in life. <em>The power of connection during divorce should not be underestimated. <\/em>\u00a0In the Holmes and Rahe stress scale divorce is second only to the death of a spouse or child. The trauma wrapped up in divorce is high. And with divorce, there\u2019s also the guilt we feel from choosing to do it. There\u2019s the guilt we feel from having \u2018failed\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It is easy, and understandable, to spiral into the depths of blame, shame, and failure. To beat yourself up. To want to hide.\u00a0 But that leaves you frozen, miserable and powerless. Which is no good to you, or anyone, including your children.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s the strongest vaccine against that dangerous spiral?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Connection. Connecting with other people who get it, who get you. <em>The power of connection during divorce <\/em>is incredible. Women who are there to support, not judge. Making those connections is the number one thing you can do to support yourself during this stressful life experience.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I must admit, even I (with all my years of supporting women) didn\u2019t realise just how powerful connection is. Let me explain.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Last weekend I ran the first Get Divorce Ready Live event. What happened blew me away. What I observed, and what came through loud and clear from the fabulous attendees, was that connection of like-minded ladies is absolutely essential. It makes us all stronger.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"the_divorce_virus\"><\/span>The divorce virus<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sadly, divorce can see changes in lots of relationships, not just marriage. Friendships can fall away. Coronavirus has been a big news story this week. People are terrified of it spreading. Have you got \u2018divorce virus\u2019? A tell-tale sign is how your friends are treating you. Are they keeping their distance?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>If lots of your friends have already been through divorce, it\u2019s probably okay. Everyone is calm and knows you\u2019re not contagious (though they may overwhelm you with their own experiences and advice, which brings its own problems). But. If you\u2019re the first to divorce in your friendship circle, you may have noticed that those around you start to avoid you, not wanting to catch those divorce germs. Worried that if your marriage has broken down, theirs may be next. Worse still, they fear you will steal their spouses (as if).\u00a0 It\u2019s a very lonely place to be.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"together_we_are_stronger\"><\/span>Together we are stronger<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When your relationships with friends and family change, it hurts. You feel the loss of more than just your marriage. In many ways, it hurts even more to see friends drift away, or feel your parents\u2019 judgement.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When you surround yourself with women going through the same experiences as you, it\u2019s a revelation. <em>The power of connection during divorce <\/em>is phenomenal.\u00a0You\u2019re no longer alone.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat? You mean your husband said that too?! Oh!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Light bulb moments. This is <em>always<\/em> important but <em>so<\/em> much more so if you have been in a high-conflict relationship and your ex has gone out of their way to convince you and everyone else that you\u2019re unstable and paranoid.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When you realise that you aren\u2019t the only woman experiencing all kinds of crazy, it\u2019s bizarrely liberating. You can begin to heal and regain your strength. And you begin to see solutions. You become re-energised \u2013 another way is possible. Importantly, you begin to laugh again. There was plenty of laughing in the room at Get Divorce Ready Live.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"sharing_stories\"><\/span>Sharing stories<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sharing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/why-your-divorce-story-is-holding-you-back-2\/\">your divorce story<\/a> in a safe place where others will listen without judgment is vital. You may need counselling to process challenging thoughts and feelings. You may need to unpick what happened. It might be you need support to move through your story so that it doesn\u2019t define you. You are not your marriage or your divorce.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hearing other women\u2019s stories is strengthening too. It allows you to review your own situation and see a way forward. Sharing stories in an appropriate way releases the power they have over you. You can take the reins and choose a new direction. Your story is not over. You are part of it right now. You\u2019re the hero of your own story, and you get to make your move.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"a_problem_shared_is_a_problem_halved\"><\/span>A problem shared is a problem halved<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>A problem shared is a problem halved, they say. Sometimes a problem can be resolved, and therefore is no longer a problem. In your world of one, you are dealing with the problem alone and pressured with finding a solution.\u00a0Sometimes that pressure can change starts off as a minor issue into something that keeps you awake night after night.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re in a group there are multiple viewpoints, perspectives, and experiences. There may be people who have answers. There may be people who simply walk alongside you and stick by you, whatever happens.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When you trust your divorce team, you know there are people who absolutely have your back. It\u2019s not about them, their stories and their egos, it\u2019s about you. Your team might be your lawyer, your divorce coach, your pensions adviser, and your wealth manager. It might be your mum and your best friend. Whoever it is, those people who support you without imposing their own agenda \u2013 they will make your divorce journey so much easier. And so much less lonely.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"the_absolute_academy\"><\/span>The Absolute Academy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-absolute-academy\/\">The Absolute Academy<\/a> is a group of 50 women who are using the power of connection to get their divorces done. A group of them attended Get Divorce Ready Live last week, and met in person for the first time! It was magical. It created a tribe &#8211; a deeper connection, a real face to a name. And it made my heart burst. Smiles, greetings and hugs, women united in a common endeavour &#8211; to get their divorce done. Their connections are cemented now in a way I had not envisaged. Those connections will continue long into the future.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The Absolute Academy is both a community and a learning tool. You can access the online training portal whenever you like. It includes access to the Get Divorce Ready self-study course which takes you through all the steps you need to get emotionally, practically and legally ready for the divorce process.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also a secret (not open to public search, so no-one knows you\u2019re in it) Facebook Group. I\u2019m there every day. It\u2019s a safe, engaging place to be. You\u2019ll have my support and the support of amazing women who also have your back. Women in your situation and women ahead of you &#8211; women who get how you feel.<\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"emotional_practical_and_legal_support\"><\/span>Emotional, practical and legal support<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Need help understanding the law and your options? The Absolute Academy will support you \u2013 I run a Q&amp;A every week. Need help sense checking the latest text or email from your ex? Not sure how to respond? The Academy will help you unpick what\u2019s really going on.\u00a0And provide a space to vent so you can get all the vitriol out in private, then respond calmly and practically like the CEO of your divorce.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Connection is your best defence against drowning in divorce stress. And The Absolute Academy is where you\u2019ll find it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-absolute-academy\/\">Join us here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Divorce is perhaps the ultimate challenge in life. The power of connection during divorce should not be underestimated. \u00a0In the Holmes and Rahe stress scale divorce is second only to the death of a spouse or child. The trauma wrapped up in divorce is high. And with divorce, there\u2019s also the guilt we feel from [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":14818,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<h1>The power of connection during divorce<\/h1><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Divorce is perhaps the ultimate challenge in life. <em>The power of connection during divorce should not be underestimated. <\/em>\u00a0In the Holmes and Rahe stress scale divorce is second only to the death of a spouse or child. The trauma wrapped up in divorce is high. And with divorce, there\u2019s also the guilt we feel from choosing to do it. There\u2019s the guilt we feel from having \u2018failed\u2019.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>It is easy, and understandable, to spiral into the depths of blame, shame, and failure. To beat yourself up. To want to hide.\u00a0 But that leaves you frozen, miserable and powerless. Which is no good to you, or anyone, including your children.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>What\u2019s the strongest vaccine against that dangerous spiral?<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Connection. Connecting with other people who get it, who get you. <em>The power of connection during divorce <\/em>is incredible. Women who are there to support, not judge. Making those connections is the number one thing you can do to support yourself during this stressful life experience.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>I must admit, even I (with all my years of supporting women) didn\u2019t realise just how powerful connection is. Let me explain.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Last weekend I ran the first <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/get-divorce-ready-live-2020\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Get Divorce Ready Live<\/a> event. What happened blew me away. What I observed, and what came through loud and clear from the fabulous attendees, was that connection of like-minded ladies is absolutely essential. It makes us all stronger.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>The divorce virus<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Sadly, divorce can see changes in lots of relationships, not just marriage. Friendships can fall away. Conovirus has been a big news story this week. People are terrified of it spreading. Have you got \u2018divorce virus\u2019? A tell-tale sign is how your friends are treating you. Are they keeping their distance?<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>If lots of your friends have already been through divorce, it\u2019s probably okay. Everyone is calm and knows you\u2019re not contagious (though they may overwhelm you with their own experiences and advice, which brings its own problems). But. If you\u2019re the first to divorce in your friendship circle, you may have noticed that those around you start to avoid you, not wanting to catch those divorce germs. Worried that if your marriage has broken down, theirs may be next. Worse still, they fear you will steal their spouses (as if).\u00a0 It\u2019s a very lonely place to be.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Together we are stronger<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>When your relationships with friends and family change, it hurts. You feel the loss of more than just your marriage. In many ways, it hurts even more to see friends drift away, or feel your parents\u2019 judgement.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>When you surround yourself with women going through the same experiences as you, it\u2019s a revelation. <em>The power of connection during divorce <\/em>is phenomenal.\u00a0You\u2019re no longer alone.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u201cWhat? You mean your husband said that too?! Oh!\u201d<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Light bulb moments. This is <em>always<\/em> important but <em>so<\/em> much more so if you have been in a high-conflict relationship and your ex has gone out of their way to convince you and everyone else that you\u2019re unstable and paranoid.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>When you realise that you aren\u2019t the only woman experiencing all kinds of crazy, it\u2019s bizarrely liberating. You can begin to heal and regain your strength. And you begin to see solutions. You become re-energised \u2013 another way is possible. Importantly, you begin to laugh again. There was plenty of laughing in the room at Get Divorce Ready Live.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Sharing stories<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Sharing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/why-your-divorce-story-is-holding-you-back-2\/\">your divorce story<\/a> in a safe place where others will listen without judgment is vital. You may need counselling to process challenging thoughts and feelings. You may need to unpick what happened. It might be you need support to move through your story so that it doesn\u2019t define you. You are not your marriage or your divorce.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Hearing other women\u2019s stories is strengthening too. It allows you to review your own situation and see a way forward. Sharing stories in an appropriate way releases the power they have over you. You can take the reins and choose a new direction. Your story is not over. You are part of it right now. You\u2019re the hero of your own story, and you get to make your move.<\/p><p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p><h2>A problem shared is a problem halved<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>A problem shared is a problem halved, they say. Sometimes a problem can be resolved, and therefore is no longer a problem. In your world of one, you are dealing with the problem alone and pressured with finding a solution.\u00a0Sometimes that pressure can change starts off as a minor issue into something that keeps you awake night after night.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>When you\u2019re in a group there are multiple viewpoints, perspectives, and experiences. There may be people who have answers. There may be people who simply walk alongside you and stick by you, whatever happens.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>When you trust your divorce team, you know there are people who absolutely have your back. It\u2019s not about them, their stories and their egos, it\u2019s about you. Your team might be your lawyer, your divorce coach, your pensions adviser, and your wealth manager. It might be your mum and your best friend. Whoever it is, those people who support you without imposing their own agenda \u2013 they will make your divorce journey so much easier. And so much less lonely.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>The Absolute Academy<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/club-d36-the-absolute-academy\/\">The Absolute Academy<\/a> is a group of 50 women who are using the power of connection to get their divorces done. A group of them attended Get Divorce Ready Live last week, and met in person for the first time! It was magical. It created a tribe - a deeper connection, a real face to a name. And it made my heart burst. Smiles, greetings and hugs, women united in a common endeavour - to get their divorce done. Their connections are cemented now in a way I had not envisaged. Those connections will continue long into the future.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>The Absolute Academy is both a community and a learning tool. You can access the online training portal whenever you like. It includes access to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/self-study-programmes\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Get Divorce Ready self-study course<\/a> which takes you through all the steps you need to get emotionally, practically and legally ready for the divorce process.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>It\u2019s also a secret (not open to public search, so no-one knows you\u2019re in it) Facebook Group. I\u2019m there every day. It\u2019s a safe, engaging place to be. You\u2019ll have my support and the support of amazing women who also have your back. Women in your situation and women ahead of you - women who get how you feel.<\/p><h3>Emotional, practical and legal support<\/h3><p>Need help understanding the law and your options? The Absolute Academy will support you \u2013 I run a Q&A every week. Need help sense checking the latest text or email from your ex? Not sure how to respond? The Academy will help you unpick what\u2019s really going on.\u00a0And provide a space to vent so you can get all the vitriol out in private, then respond calmly and practically like the CEO of your divorce.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Connection is your best defence against drowning in divorce stress. And The Absolute Academy is where you\u2019ll find it.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/club-d36-the-absolute-academy\/\">Join us here<\/a>.<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,397,301],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14816","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-divorce-self-care","category-podcast"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Copy-of-Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-14.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-3QY","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14816","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14816"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14816\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14818"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14816"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14816"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14816"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}