{"id":15171,"date":"2020-02-10T06:46:57","date_gmt":"2020-02-10T06:46:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=15171"},"modified":"2025-10-21T19:21:14","modified_gmt":"2025-10-21T18:21:14","slug":"five-common-divorce-struggles-and-how-to-handle-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/five-common-divorce-struggles-and-how-to-handle-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Common Divorce Struggles and How To Handle Them"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Five Common Divorce Struggles and How To Handle Them<\/h1>\n

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Just because your friend\u2019s been through divorce doesn\u2019t mean she knows exactly what it\u2019s like for you. Just because I\u2019ve supported hundreds of women as they divorce doesn\u2019t mean I know exactly what it\u2019s like for you. Five Common Divorce Struggles and How To Handle Them\u00a0<\/em>might resonate deeply with you now – for others these struggles may not be your experience.<\/p>\n

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Everyone is unique and that means every divorce is unique. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to become the CEO of your divorce<\/a> \u2013 you are the only person who can take charge. And that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to find people who will truly listen to you without making assumptions.<\/p>\n

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But often, the same themes crop up. The same flashpoints, the same anxiety-inducers. The same squeezes on time and energy that leave you feeling as though you\u2019ve been run over by a bus. And, for many women, it\u2019s helpful to hear they\u2019re not alone. Others are feeling this too. Others have been there and they\u2019ve come out the other side.<\/p>\n

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So in this blog Five Common Divorce Struggles and How To Handle<\/em> ,<\/em> we take a quick tour round some of the most common divorce struggles, and look at what you can do to tackle them.<\/p>\n

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<\/span>When you can\u2019t stand your ex<\/span><\/h2>\n

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Know that this is quite normal! The ideal case for divorce is that everything remains amicable, and both parties work collaboratively to ensure there are clear arrangements that suit you both. Sadly, this often doesn\u2019t happen and communication turns poisonous. The number one thing you need to do is separate the person from the issue you need to resolve (your divorce).<\/p>\n

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Aim to keep the heat out of dealings with your ex, however you feel about them as a person. Your number one priority is getting the divorce sorted, then you\u2019ll have legal and financial separation, and even if you need to deal with each other on an ongoing basis (if you have children, or joint business interests, for example), you\u2019ll have clarity over how to do it.<\/p>\n

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So keep cool. Vent to your friends, or me, if needed. But as far as divorce goes, don\u2019t take the bait. That doesn\u2019t mean you leave your emotions about your ex dangling \u2013 they are an open wound that needs treating. Seek help from a counsellor or trauma specialist if need be.<\/p>\n

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If your main story about our ex is what a terrible person they are and how everything is their fault, what evidence do you have to the contrary? This may sound tough, but rarely are things black and white. It\u2019s not about taking the blame, it\u2019s about taking your ex of the terrible pedestal you\u2019ve put them on. If you can see where your ex might not be the total monster you\u2019ve made them out to be, it can loosen their emotional hold on you and mean you\u2019re using less headspace going over all the wrongs they\u2019ve perpetrated. Your focus needs to be on you, and your future. See if you can let some of the past go.<\/p>\n

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<\/span>When conflict is high and hidden<\/span><\/h2>\n

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A divorce where high conflict is covert can feel like psychological warfare. It\u2019s draining physically and emotionally. To everyone else your ex might be Mr\/Ms Nice Guy, being perfectly reasonable, while you feel like you\u2019re experiencing death by a thousand cuts \u2013 all the microaggressions and powerplays that go unseen.<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s important to have someone you trust to support you objectively. Many times your anxiety may be justified but your emotional response is unhelpful. And throughout all of this, it\u2019s about focussing on what moves you forward, what\u2019s in the best interests of you and your divorce. Here are some practical tips to keep yourself safe, and your divorce on an even keel:<\/p>\n