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I\u2019ve been a divorce coach for over five years now, and worked with hundreds of women to help them navigate divorce. Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows everything Divorce Coach does! So in How a Divorce Coach can help you,<\/em> we go back to basics.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Whether you\u2019re thinking of getting a divorce or you\u2019re a lawyer who works with divorcing couples, this blog is for you. And if you know anyone who is considering divorce, or is a lawyer working with divorcing couples, please share it with them too!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Before we get started on the work I do, let\u2019s face facts. There are no two ways about it, divorce will cost you. And it\u2019s money you\u2019d rather not spend. Perhaps you spent a fortune on your wedding? You may have loved saving and planning and hiring experts and professionals to get you the day you dreamed of \u2013 and you got your fabulous day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This doesn\u2019t feel like the same thing at all. Spending money to get out of a marriage isn\u2019t something that anyone \u2018likes\u2019 doing. But the sooner you view spending money on your divorce as an investment in your future, the easier it will be to get the support you need.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A Divorce Coach is just one of the many professionals who can support you to make life-changing decisions at a time when you may be feeling lost, overwhelmed, angry, sad or out of control.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n For many women considering divorce, their first port of call is the solicitor\u2019s office. Not usually one solicitor\u2019s office but several solicitors\u2019 offices. They hope that getting lots of different legal opinions will help them make decisions. The truth is, this isn\u2019t usually what happens. Instead, confusion and overwhelm sets in and then they stick their head in the sand and do nothing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I very much support and promote seeing a number of different solicitors to find one who suits you. This isn’t the same as getting several legal opinions. It’s about finding out who you feel can best support you through your divorce. But first, you need to get clear on your own feelings and have a sense of what you want your divorce and life after divorce to look like. That doesn\u2019t mean everything will happen exactly as you envisage, but it does give you a grounded place to stand.<\/p>\n Working with a divorce coach allows you to work through the feelings of overwhelm, upset or sadness first. That way, when you go to seek legal advice, you feel more together and in control of yourself, even if you don’t feel in control of the situation. You are also better able to hear – really hear – what you are being told. And that makes it easier to make smart decisions from a calmer place.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There\u2019s a second reason to it\u2019s wise to work with a divorce coach before a solicitor. This may be a surprise to hear, but not all of the women I work with end up getting divorced. They work with me, work through their emotions, their communication struggles, their vision for the future and they realise their marriage is the way forward. For more on the ways you can work on your relationship and avoid the expense of divorce entirely, take a look at my recent blog, \u2018How To Divorce Proof Your Relationship During Lockdown\u2019<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n In my experience, taking action in your divorce before you are ready is the thing that will cost you the most – both emotionally and <\/em>financially. And, believe me, knee jerk reactions are very common,\u00a0and usually very unhelpful.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Some women, need to act quickly. If you are:<\/p>\n (a) physically unsafe<\/p>\n (b) experiencing extreme emotional abuse such that you are concerned for your immediate mental health<\/p>\n (c) concerned about assets that your husband may try to dissipate<\/p>\n <\/p>\n then you need to seek legal advice immediately.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If not, take your time. Figure out what it is you really want. This is your opportunity to think about you as a single woman (and parent, if applicable). Where would you like to live? What job would you like to do? Most importantly, how do you want to feel<\/em>?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Don’t worry about the how<\/em> at this stage. Get yourself really clear so that your mind begins to have hope – hope for a better, happier and different future. This will become your emotional destination. And, unconsciously, your mind will begin to consider strategies for getting there.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019re not really sure what you want, a divorce coach can help you by supporting you to look at your values. Your values relate to what\u2019s important to you. The divorce coach helps you focus on you – not your children, not the opinions of your friends and family – just you. It\u2019s actually incredibly hard to do this well on your own.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Using a divorce coach means that you don\u2019t become a divorce bore \u2013 it won\u2019t need to dominate all your daily conversations with your friends and family – and trust me, this will make it easier for you. Your divorce coach will explore your desires and encourage you to be bold. They support you to figure out possibilities and options that work for you.\u00a0And then they can support you as you take the steps to make it happen.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n No one wants to hear about your divorce all the time. But you can\u2019t plan when you\u2019ll need support. A good divorce coach will be available for you when you need them. That includes evenings, weekends and Bank Holidays.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n They will be there to calm you, to reassure you and to support you to regain perspective, particularly if you\u2019ve been triggered by something your ex has done or said.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A good divorce coach will know their way around the legal system. So you\u2019re not just getting the emotional support, you\u2019ve got someone on your side when it comes to working through the legalities too, step by step, in the right order. If you need a rational steer or just a sounding board to let off steam or to test ideas, a divorce coach will be there for you.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n<\/span>Divorce costs money<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Call the divorce coach before the solicitor<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Your lawyer isn’t your therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Decide what you really want<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>How a divorce\u00a0coach can help you decide what you really want<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Support when it\u2019s needed<\/span><\/h2>\n