[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ header_3_text_align=”justify” header_3_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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Are there only\u00a0Five Signs you’ve had enough of your marriage?\u00a0<\/em>On my goodness, no! You may notice many different signs to the ones I share here, but noticing is everything! Thoughts, feelings, sensations. Are you paying attention?<\/span><\/p>\n Do you know the fable of the boiling frog? The story goes: put a frog into a saucepan of cold water and gradually heat it, the frog won\u2019t notice. So the frog eventually boils to death rather than jumping out.\u00a0 What\u2019s this got to do with whether you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage, you ask?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Everything! You see, we spend much of our lives on autopilot. We all do, including me. The world has far too many demands for us to constantly be questioning everything. We need to take mental shortcuts. And that can be a good thing \u2013 it stops us getting over-stimulated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But it also means we often don\u2019t notice what we\u2019re putting up with. Until we take a moment to reflect. Then all of a sudden our saucepan is feeling uncomfortably hot. And we don\u2019t know what happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n As we enter September the autumn breeze is starting to nip. Change is in the air. Children are returning to school. It\u2019s the ninth month of the year but it\u2019s a time for fresh starts. It\u2019s the perfect time of year to take stock and make decisions for yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Five Signs you’ve had enough of your marriage<\/em> is a chance to give yourself a moment to reflect on your life and marriage now. We look at what you need to do about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Every relationship has its fair share of rows. In fact, psychologists believe it far healthier to row than to keep feelings bottled up. You can <\/span>read more about \u2018healthy fighting\u2019 here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n What I\u2019m talking about isn\u2019t a disagreement that you work through and then move on. I\u2019m talking about arguments being the default for how you communicate. When you and your spouse are always in combat mode, it\u2019s a sign something is wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It may be that one or both of you has so little respect for the other that everything becomes an opportunity to criticise. They do the washing up all wrong. You can\u2019t agree on what to do together at the weekend. They don\u2019t like how you stack the dishwasher. And it causes arguments.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n In healthier marriages, those sorts of conversations happen every now and then \u2013 maybe if one of you is tired, or feeling stressed. Or if something seemingly trivial really bothers one or other of you, you point it out and resolve it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But if every small thing becomes the start of an argument it\u2019s time to think whether your relationship needs some attention. Because it\u2019s not really about the washing up or the dishwasher. It\u2019s about the two of you. Maybe it\u2019s a sign you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Maybe you\u2019re not arguing over the small things \u2013 maybe it\u2019s the big stuff. Like politics, or big decisions about how to parent your children. Perhaps your values are completely different.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s possible to be in a healthy marriage with someone who views the world differently to you. You can agree to disagree as long as you respect each other, you can still make decisions collaboratively. Life would be very boring if we always agreed on everything!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But if one of you continually prioritises something that the other doesn\u2019t care about it gets tiring. If your spouse is a workaholic and you are desperate to spend more time together, for example, it can be hard. Especially if you\u2019ve tried to reach a compromise before and nothing has changed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Maybe there is no conflict in your marriage at all. Maybe you are so sick and tired of it all that nothing matters any more. Your spouse can do what they like. However they talk to you, it\u2019s like water off a duck\u2019s back. It\u2019s like having another child in the house to look after. You are weary and you don\u2019t like how things are, but it\u2019s become normal.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If this is you, consider this blog a wake up call! If you are in a marriage you are entitled to have a partner in that marriage. That means you deserve to be with someone who is a co-pilot with you through life\u2019s ups and downs. Someone you trust and can depend on. A partner who doesn\u2019t leave you to do all the work. Someone who respects you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Don\u2019t beat yourself up for letting things get to this state. But now\u2019s the time to consider whether you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n One of the effects of the spring\/summer 2020 lockdown was that it shook us out of our routines. We had no choice but to follow social distancing guidelines. We worked from home, homeschooled, didn\u2019t leave the house except for essentials. Basically lockdown stripped everything back. It gave us a chance to see ourselves without any social props.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you were stuck in a rut pre-lockdown, maybe it was the nudge to see that things need to change. Perhaps it showed you just how much heavy-lifting you do in your home, and you\u2019re no longer up for it. Maybe it showed you that your spouse doesn\u2019t respect your needs. Perhaps you found that you simply don\u2019t have enough in common to enjoy each other\u2019s company. Is any of this ringing true for you? You can read more about <\/span>marriage lessons from lockdown here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The final sign that you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage is that nothing is wrong. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but hear me out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Is your spouse treating you well?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Is the amount of conflict or bickering what you\u2019d consider normal for a relationship?<\/span><\/p>\n Did things in lockdown carry on pretty much as before?<\/span><\/p>\n Is everything on the outside fine, but you still have a nagging voice in your mind that it\u2019s not working?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I want you to stop and listen to that voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Don\u2019t want you to panic. I don\u2019t want you to jump ahead and assume that I\u2019m suggesting divorce. I\u2019ll take you through all your options in a minute. But I do want you to allow that voice. Stop pushing it down.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Do you know why you should stop pushing that voice down? Because it won\u2019t go away. However much you rationalise with yourself or tell yourself that you\u2019ve got it good and you should let it be. That voice will stay with you. Like tinnitus. Until you let it speak.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n So let it. Allow the thought that you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage \u2013 even if nothing\u2019s wrong.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019ve answered yes to any of these signs, then one thing is certain. It\u2019s time for a change.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n That doesn\u2019t mean divorce is automatically on the cards. Don\u2019t rush ahead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n First of all, it means you need to spend time with yourself, working out what\u2019s important to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n What have you had enough of, exactly?<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n What would a better life look like, exactly?<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It might feel simple to want to ditch your marriage and start afresh. But remember this: when you divorce you take yourself with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n So it\u2019s absolutely vital you know what the problem is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Is it something you can fix? Is it something you are in control of \u2013 your own attitude or behaviour? Maybe you can start creating your own boundaries, and respecting yourself, first. Add a positive change in your marriage, and the rest of your life will follow.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Is it something that an honest conversation can help with? Communication is essential to any healthy relationship. That doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always easy. Sometimes truths need to be told, and difficult opinions need to be aired. And maybe that will be a new start. Maybe acknowledging you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage will lead to talking about how things can be better. And that will lead to positive changes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Is it something that can\u2019t be fixed? Have you had enough of your marriage because it is over?<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It could be any of these things. But you need to know what you want first.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Knowing what to do next once you realise you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage is hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Working out what you want and need can be confusing \u2013 especially if you\u2019ve had years of putting other people\u2019s needs first. It\u2019s a good idea to work things through with a coach or therapist. Or seek out a trusted friend who can reflect your thoughts back to you.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It can be hard to have a constructive conversation with your spouse. A relationship counsellor can help keep you on track and work through emotions without getting overheated or sucked into unhelpful blame games.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It can be overwhelming knowing what to do if divorce is something you are considering. Do not make the mistake of asking a solicitor for help at this stage. It\u2019s expensive and you won\u2019t get the answers you need! You can read more about <\/span>when to contact a divorce solicitor here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n You do need to do some research and some preparation. My book <\/span>\u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/span><\/a> is a good place to start. It takes you through everything you need to decide whether divorce is right for you. And if it is, what you need to do, in the right order.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you would like some support as you consider your options, I am here. I will listen and I will provide space for you to talk through your emotions. You are worth more than a marriage that you\u2019ve had enough of.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n You can <\/span>book in a free call with me today<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Five signs you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage \u00a0 Are there only\u00a0Five Signs you’ve had enough of your marriage?\u00a0On my goodness, no! You may notice many different signs to the ones I share here, but noticing is everything! Thoughts, feelings, sensations. Are you paying attention? Do you know the fable of the boiling frog? The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16005,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" \u00a0<\/b><\/p> Are there only\u00a0Five Signs you've had enough of your marriage?\u00a0<\/em>On my goodness, no! You may notice many different signs to the ones I share here, but noticing is everything! Thoughts, feelings, sensations. Are you paying attention?<\/span><\/p> Do you know the fable of the boiling frog? The story goes: put a frog into a saucepan of cold water and gradually heat it, the frog won\u2019t notice. So the frog eventually boils to death rather than jumping out.\u00a0 What\u2019s this got to do with whether you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage, you ask?\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Everything! You see, we spend much of our lives on autopilot. We all do, including me. The world has far too many demands for us to constantly be questioning everything. We need to take mental shortcuts. And that can be a good thing \u2013 it stops us getting over-stimulated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> But it also means we often don\u2019t notice what we\u2019re putting up with. Until we take a moment to reflect. Then all of a sudden our saucepan is feeling uncomfortably hot. And we don\u2019t know what happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> As we enter September the autumn breeze is starting to nip. Change is in the air. Children are returning to school. It\u2019s the ninth month of the year but it\u2019s a time for fresh starts. It\u2019s the perfect time of year to take stock and make decisions for yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Five Signs you've had enough of your marriage<\/em> is a chance to give yourself a moment to reflect on your life and marriage now. We look at what you need to do about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Every relationship has its fair share of rows. In fact, psychologists believe it far healthier to row than to keep feelings bottled up. You can <\/span>read more about \u2018healthy fighting\u2019 here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> What I\u2019m talking about isn\u2019t a disagreement that you work through and then move on. I\u2019m talking about arguments being the default for how you communicate. When you and your spouse are always in combat mode, it\u2019s a sign something is wrong.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It may be that one or both of you has so little respect for the other that everything becomes an opportunity to criticise. They do the washing up all wrong. You can\u2019t agree on what to do together at the weekend. They don\u2019t like how you stack the dishwasher. And it causes arguments.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> In healthier marriages, those sorts of conversations happen every now and then \u2013 maybe if one of you is tired, or feeling stressed. Or if something seemingly trivial really bothers one or other of you, you point it out and resolve it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> But if every small thing becomes the start of an argument it\u2019s time to think whether your relationship needs some attention. Because it\u2019s not really about the washing up or the dishwasher. It\u2019s about the two of you. Maybe it\u2019s a sign you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Maybe you\u2019re not arguing over the small things \u2013 maybe it\u2019s the big stuff. Like politics, or big decisions about how to parent your children. Perhaps your values are completely different.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It\u2019s possible to be in a healthy marriage with someone who views the world differently to you. You can agree to disagree as long as you respect each other, you can still make decisions collaboratively. Life would be very boring if we always agreed on everything!\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> But if one of you continually prioritises something that the other doesn\u2019t care about it gets tiring. If your spouse is a workaholic and you are desperate to spend more time together, for example, it can be hard. Especially if you\u2019ve tried to reach a compromise before and nothing has changed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Maybe there is no conflict in your marriage at all. Maybe you are so sick and tired of it all that nothing matters any more. Your spouse can do what they like. However they talk to you, it\u2019s like water off a duck\u2019s back. It\u2019s like having another child in the house to look after. You are weary and you don\u2019t like how things are, but it\u2019s become normal.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If this is you, consider this blog a wake up call! If you are in a marriage you are entitled to have a partner in that marriage. That means you deserve to be with someone who is a co-pilot with you through life\u2019s ups and downs. Someone you trust and can depend on. A partner who doesn\u2019t leave you to do all the work. Someone who respects you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Don\u2019t beat yourself up for letting things get to this state. But now\u2019s the time to consider whether you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> One of the effects of the spring\/summer 2020 lockdown was that it shook us out of our routines. We had no choice but to follow social distancing guidelines. We worked from home, homeschooled, didn\u2019t leave the house except for essentials. Basically lockdown stripped everything back. It gave us a chance to see ourselves without any social props.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you were stuck in a rut pre-lockdown, maybe it was the nudge to see that things need to change. Perhaps it showed you just how much heavy-lifting you do in your home, and you\u2019re no longer up for it. Maybe it showed you that your spouse doesn\u2019t respect your needs. Perhaps you found that you simply don\u2019t have enough in common to enjoy each other\u2019s company. Is any of this ringing true for you? You can read more about <\/span>marriage lessons from lockdown here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> The final sign that you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage is that nothing is wrong. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but hear me out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Is your spouse treating you well?\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Is the amount of conflict or bickering what you\u2019d consider normal for a relationship?<\/span><\/p> Did things in lockdown carry on pretty much as before?<\/span><\/p> Is everything on the outside fine, but you still have a nagging voice in your mind that it\u2019s not working?\u00a0<\/span><\/p> I want you to stop and listen to that voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Don\u2019t want you to panic. I don\u2019t want you to jump ahead and assume that I\u2019m suggesting divorce. I\u2019ll take you through all your options in a minute. But I do want you to allow that voice. Stop pushing it down.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Do you know why you should stop pushing that voice down? Because it won\u2019t go away. However much you rationalise with yourself or tell yourself that you\u2019ve got it good and you should let it be. That voice will stay with you. Like tinnitus. Until you let it speak.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> So let it. Allow the thought that you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage \u2013 even if nothing\u2019s wrong.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you\u2019ve answered yes to any of these signs, then one thing is certain. It\u2019s time for a change.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> That doesn\u2019t mean divorce is automatically on the cards. Don\u2019t rush ahead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> First of all, it means you need to spend time with yourself, working out what\u2019s important to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> What have you had enough of, exactly?<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> What would a better life look like, exactly?<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It might feel simple to want to ditch your marriage and start afresh. But remember this: when you divorce you take yourself with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> So it\u2019s absolutely vital you know what the problem is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Is it something you can fix? Is it something you are in control of \u2013 your own attitude or behaviour? Maybe you can start creating your own boundaries, and respecting yourself, first. Add a positive change in your marriage, and the rest of your life will follow.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Is it something that an honest conversation can help with? Communication is essential to any healthy relationship. That doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always easy. Sometimes truths need to be told, and difficult opinions need to be aired. And maybe that will be a new start. Maybe acknowledging you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage will lead to talking about how things can be better. And that will lead to positive changes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Is it something that can\u2019t be fixed? Have you had enough of your marriage because it is over?<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It could be any of these things. But you need to know what you want first.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Knowing what to do next once you realise you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage is hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Working out what you want and need can be confusing \u2013 especially if you\u2019ve had years of putting other people\u2019s needs first. It\u2019s a good idea to work things through with a coach or therapist. Or seek out a trusted friend who can reflect your thoughts back to you.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It can be hard to have a constructive conversation with your spouse. A relationship counsellor can help keep you on track and work through emotions without getting overheated or sucked into unhelpful blame games.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It can be overwhelming knowing what to do if divorce is something you are considering. Do not make the mistake of asking a solicitor for help at this stage. It\u2019s expensive and you won\u2019t get the answers you need! You can read more about <\/span>when to contact a divorce solicitor here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> You do need to do some research and some preparation. My book <\/span>\u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/span><\/a> is a good place to start. It takes you through everything you need to decide whether divorce is right for you. And if it is, what you need to do, in the right order.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you would like some support as you consider your options, I am here. I will listen and I will provide space for you to talk through your emotions. You are worth more than a marriage that you\u2019ve had enough of.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> You can <\/span>book in a free call with me today<\/span><\/a><\/span>Five Signs you’ve had enough of your marriage<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>You are constantly bickering<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>You see the world very differently<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>You are putting up with bad behaviour<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>You\u2019ve learned lessons from lockdown<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>You know there\u2019s more to life than this<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>I\u2019ve had enough of my marriage, now what?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Get the support you need<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n
Five signs you\u2019ve had enough of your marriage<\/h1>
Five Signs you've had enough of your marriage<\/span><\/h2>
You are constantly bickering<\/h3>
You see the world very differently<\/h3>
You are putting up with bad behaviour<\/h3>
You\u2019ve learned lessons from lockdown<\/h3>
You know there\u2019s more to life than this<\/h3>
I\u2019ve had enough of my marriage, now what?<\/h2>
Get the support you need<\/h2>