{"id":16010,"date":"2020-09-20T10:27:51","date_gmt":"2020-09-20T09:27:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=16010"},"modified":"2023-08-14T11:07:45","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T10:07:45","slug":"high-net-worth-are-you-asset-rich-but-friend-poor-in-your-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/high-net-worth-are-you-asset-rich-but-friend-poor-in-your-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"High net worth: Are you asset rich but friend poor in your divorce?\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;][et_pb_code _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221;]<iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/17854637\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/c5b2b1\/\" height=\"90\" width=\"100%\" scrolling=\"no\"  allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.21.0&#8243; text_font_size=&#8221;16px&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#c5b2b1&#8243; header_2_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_2_text_color=&#8221;#c984a4&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; text_orientation=&#8221;justified&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; theme_builder_area=&#8221;post_content&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s easy to assume having wealth makes everything more comfortable. For many, the idea of a high net worth marriage is a dream! If you\u2019re in a high net worth marriage and getting divorced, chances are you know that\u2019s not the case. You might be asset rich, but that\u2019s not a magic wand to make all your problems disappear.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Wealth brings its own problems when it comes to divorce. Examining and dividing assets gets a whole lot more complicated. And, for many divorcing women in positions of wealth, there\u2019s the problem of trust. Who do you trust? Your old networks, friends, social circles \u2013 are they still on your side? If they are, is it about you or your money?\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <em>Are you asset rich but friend poor in your divorce?<\/em> we take a look at what happens if you\u2019re wealthy but lonely in your divorce. We see why this might be the case, and what you can do about it.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"has_your_social_circle_disappeared\"><\/span>Has your social circle disappeared?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They say you find out who your friends are at times of crisis. And in my experience of working with hundreds of women, I know it\u2019s true.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re a woman in a high net worth marriage you may well have had access. Access to private places, clubs, networks and memberships. For some women, once the news of your separation and impending divorce hits the grapevine, doors close. You are no longer welcome.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For others, you still have access in name, but there\u2019s a new polite distance. People are pleasant enough, sure. But you\u2019re no longer in on the conversations. You sense there\u2019s plenty being said when you\u2019re not there.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps your circle was based around your spouse. All your social arrangements were because of them. You served a purpose as wife, but it was very much your role rather than you that gave you access.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever the reason, if all your \u2018friends\u2019 have suddenly disappeared, it\u2019s can be a blow both emotionally and practically.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"are_people_friends_with_you_or_your_money\"><\/span>Are people friends with you or your money?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">High net worth marriages are often complicated when it comes to social relationships. What if people have stuck around? One of the most common vulnerabilities my private clients share is that they don\u2019t know whether their friends are friends with them, or with their money.<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have a pattern of attracting people who want something from you? Perhaps your friends enjoy the experiences you can offer them. The fancy places, the parties, the access to exclusive crowds. It\u2019s all fine while the going is good.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if someone offered them more? A media deal, a consulting role in a different company, a way in to ever more exclusive circles? Would they stick by you then? Or are you simply a means to an end? When the going gets tougher, do they get going (far away)?<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I very much hope your friends are friends, and not the parasites I describe here. But when you\u2019re a person of means, it can be hard to walk that tightrope of vulnerability and gullibility. You want to be open enough to develop and nurture true friendships. And you want to be confident that the people you let in are there for the right reasons.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Wealth is not the same as liberation.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will know this already. Money can unlock so much: places, choice, status, power. With money, it\u2019s true, you can buffer yourself from many of life\u2019s struggles. Yet wealth also makes us vulnerable. Money can trap us, just as poverty can.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can leave you feeling powerless to escape. Complicated finances can mean you are answerable to more people, not fewer. And it can be easy for them to take advantage.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a high net worth marriage by itself does not bring you freedom. There\u2019s an extra ingredient. That ingredient? Your own empowerment.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And where does that empowerment come from? That\u2019s what we look at next.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"your_problems_are_legitimate\"><\/span>Your problems are legitimate<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first thing to do is take yourself seriously. You are your own biggest asset. Take yourself and your mental health seriously. That means acknowledging when you are finding life hard. High net worth marriage doesn&#8217;t mean you should feel guilty about finding life hard.<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, you may have access to funds that are beyond the resources of many others. And that may mean your life is comfortable in ways that other people\u2019s lives are not. It\u2019s true that money can help us escape various sources of unhappiness. But the old adage is also true. Money can\u2019t buy happiness. You can\u2019t always buy your way out of stress, or anxiety, or depression.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are getting divorced or considering it, you are facing a stressful life event. There\u2019s no getting around that. It\u2019s true of every single person who divorces. And when you\u2019re doing it with high net worth in the mix, it\u2019s likely to be more complicated, and take longer. It may be more combative \u2013 there\u2019s more potential for discussions to turn nasty when there\u2019s more at stake.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So give yourself permission to feel low. To acknowledge the strain you are under. You are a person, with feelings and rights. And your problems are legitimate.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"work_on_yourself\"><\/span>Work on yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you don\u2019t have a reliable circle to trust, you start with the one person you can always turn to. Yourself. Sadly, for many women, that\u2019s far harder than it sounds. Over the years we give away our power, our joy, our strength as we get distracted or cajoled by the demands of others. high net worth marriage comes with sacrifices and you know this. You feel it.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need to start focussing on you again. Take a look at the world around you and consider your part in it. What are you doing because it\u2019s something you genuinely want and need to do? What are you doing because it\u2019s expected by others, and you\u2019ve just got used to doing it?\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you press pause and give yourself time to reassess you take the first step back to you. You take the first step in living life consciously, rather than being buffeted by life.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that is the first step to trusting yourself again, above all others. And when you trust yourself, when you have your own back, it matters far less what schemes and dreams anyone else has.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The amazing thing about working on yourself is that it doesn\u2019t end there. Without even trying you will find that you start attracting the right people for you. People you can start to build trust with.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"set_your_boundaries\"><\/span>Set your boundaries<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you start to trust yourself first it becomes far easier to set boundaries. Both with yourself and with others. Maybe you have become someone who says yes to everything. Maybe you like to help everyone who asks you. Now\u2019s the time to put you first. You\u2019re going through a major life event \u2013 it\u2019s important to take care of you!\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So if you are an automatic \u2018yesser\u2019 develop the habit of saying \u2018Let me get back to you on that\u2019. Buy yourself some time to think through whether the request is really in your interests. Is it something you are genuinely willing and able to do? Great. If not, it\u2019s time to learn the magic of \u2018no\u2019. Or at least \u2018not now\u2019.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Think about what feels both safe and optimal for you, in all areas of your life. It might be your work and social commitments, your business and personal relationships, your daily routine. You may need to reset boundaries in many aspects of your life. And that\u2019s great \u2013 it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re taking back your power.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"build_a_circle_you_trust\"><\/span>Build a circle you trust<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you start to develop your own power you will get clearer on who you can trust and who you can\u2019t. And you\u2019ll feel less guilty about booting people who treat you badly. Your inner resilience will mean you no longer depend on the esteem of others to feel good about yourself.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But you will also find that you will want to bring people in. It\u2019s exhausting trying to wear all the hats, especially if you have a complicated financial, business or personal life. So seek out people who can help you. Be honest about your areas of weakness or ignorance, and find people to plug those gaps. If understanding money isn\u2019t your strong suit, get a wealth adviser to counsel you. Knowledge is power. If your ex is threatening all sorts of nightmare scenarios through the court, seek specialist legal advice. If figuring out what you want and need has you spinning, work with a specialist coach, like me.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whenever you\u2019re looking for someone who can help you, ask yourself two questions:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What experience do they have of working with people like me?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does my gut trust them?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need to tap into both your heart and head wisdom when recruiting people to your team. You can read more about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/how-do-i-know-if-i-should-divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to tune into your different sources of wisdom here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It\u2019s important that you enlist specialists who know what they\u2019re doing, with the experience to prove it. You\u2019re no-one\u2019s guinea pig. And it\u2019s just as important you\u2019re working with people who understand you, who you have rapport with. Who you can be honest with, and who will be honest with you.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"i_can_help\"><\/span>I can help<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I offer a range of private, confidential 1:1 services to help you navigate divorce. If you are just considering it and haven\u2019t spoken to anyone yet I can help. If you are working through court processes I can help. Struggling with decision-making or knowing what\u2019s best for you? I can help. And it&#8217;s not just me &#8211; I can recommend a team of trusted wealth managers, asset tracers and lawyers who will put you and not your wealth at the centre of your divorce.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I bring both my legal background and extensive coaching experience of working with women in your situation. I can be the person on the end of the phone whenever you need it. You do not have to do this alone, however lonely you sometimes feel.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can book in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/contact\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">an initial call here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"about_emma\"><\/span>About Emma<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s easy to assume having wealth makes everything more comfortable. For many, the idea of a high net worth marriage is a dream! If you\u2019re in a high net worth marriage and getting divorced, chances are you know that\u2019s not the case. You might be asset rich, but that\u2019s not a magic wand to make [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16011,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<h1>High net worth: Are you asset rich but friend poor in your divorce?<\/h1><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s easy to assume having wealth makes everything more comfortable. For many, the idea of a high net worth marriage is a dream! If you\u2019re in a high net worth marriage and getting divorced, chances are you know that\u2019s not the case. You might be asset rich, but that\u2019s not a magic wand to make all your problems disappear.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Wealth brings its own problems when it comes to divorce. Examining and dividing assets gets a whole lot more complicated. And, for many divorcing women in positions of wealth, there\u2019s the problem of trust. Who do you trust? Your old networks, friends, social circles \u2013 are they still on your side? If they are, is it about you or your money?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <em>Are you asset rich but friend poor in your divorce?<\/em> we take a look at what happens if you\u2019re wealthy but lonely in your divorce. We see why this might be the case, and what you can do about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Has your social circle disappeared?<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They say you find out who your friends are at times of crisis. And in my experience of working with hundreds of women, I know it\u2019s true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re a woman in a high net worth marriage you may well have had access. Access to private places, clubs, networks and memberships. For some women, once the news of your separation and impending divorce hits the grapevine, doors close. You are no longer welcome.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For others, you still have access in name, but there\u2019s a new polite distance. People are pleasant enough, sure. But you\u2019re no longer in on the conversations. You sense there\u2019s plenty being said when you\u2019re not there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps your circle was based around your spouse. All your social arrangements were because of them. You served a purpose as wife, but it was very much your role rather than you that gave you access.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever the reason, if all your \u2018friends\u2019 have suddenly disappeared, it\u2019s can be a blow both emotionally and practically.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Are people friends with you or your money?<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">High net worth marriages are often complicated when it comes to social relationships. What if people have stuck around? One of the most common vulnerabilities my private clients share is that they don\u2019t know whether their friends are friends with them, or with their money.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have a pattern of attracting people who want something from you? Perhaps your friends enjoy the experiences you can offer them. The fancy places, the parties, the access to exclusive crowds. It\u2019s all fine while the going is good.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if someone offered them more? A media deal, a consulting role in a different company, a way in to ever more exclusive circles? Would they stick by you then? Or are you simply a means to an end? When the going gets tougher, do they get going (far away)?<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I very much hope your friends are friends, and not the parasites I describe here. But when you\u2019re a person of means, it can be hard to walk that tightrope of vulnerability and gullibility. You want to be open enough to develop and nurture true friendships. And you want to be confident that the people you let in are there for the right reasons.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Wealth is not the same as liberation<\/h2><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will know this already. Money can unlock so much: places, choice, status, power. With money, it\u2019s true, you can buffer yourself from many of life\u2019s struggles. Yet wealth also makes us vulnerable. Money can trap us, just as poverty can.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can leave you feeling powerless to escape. Complicated finances can mean you are answerable to more people, not fewer. And it can be easy for them to take advantage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a high net worth marriage by itself does not bring you freedom. There\u2019s an extra ingredient. That ingredient? Your own empowerment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And where does that empowerment come from? That\u2019s what we look at next.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Your problems are legitimate<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first thing to do is take yourself seriously. You are your own biggest asset. Take yourself and your mental health seriously. That means acknowledging when you are finding life hard. High net worth marriage doesn't mean you should feel guilty about finding life hard.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, you may have access to funds that are beyond the resources of many others. And that may mean your life is comfortable in ways that other people\u2019s lives are not. It\u2019s true that money can help us escape various sources of unhappiness. But the old adage is also true. Money can\u2019t buy happiness. You can\u2019t always buy your way out of stress, or anxiety, or depression.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are getting divorced or considering it, you are facing a stressful life event. There\u2019s no getting around that. It\u2019s true of every single person who divorces. And when you\u2019re doing it with high net worth in the mix, it\u2019s likely to be more complicated, and take longer. It may be more combative \u2013 there\u2019s more potential for discussions to turn nasty when there\u2019s more at stake.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So give yourself permission to feel low. To acknowledge the strain you are under. You are a person, with feelings and rights. And your problems are legitimate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Work on yourself<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you don\u2019t have a reliable circle to trust, you start with the one person you can always turn to. Yourself. Sadly, for many women, that\u2019s far harder than it sounds. Over the years we give away our power, our joy, our strength as we get distracted or cajoled by the demands of others. high net worth marriage comes with sacrifices and you know this. You feel it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need to start focussing on you again. Take a look at the world around you and consider your part in it. What are you doing because it\u2019s something you genuinely want and need to do? What are you doing because it\u2019s expected by others, and you\u2019ve just got used to doing it?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you press pause and give yourself time to reassess you take the first step back to you. You take the first step in living life consciously, rather than being buffeted by life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that is the first step to trusting yourself again, above all others. And when you trust yourself, when you have your own back, it matters far less what schemes and dreams anyone else has.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The amazing thing about working on yourself is that it doesn\u2019t end there. Without even trying you will find that you start attracting the right people for you. People you can start to build trust with.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Set your boundaries<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you start to trust yourself first it becomes far easier to set boundaries. Both with yourself and with others. Maybe you have become someone who says yes to everything. Maybe you like to help everyone who asks you. Now\u2019s the time to put you first. You\u2019re going through a major life event \u2013 it\u2019s important to take care of you!\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So if you are an automatic \u2018yesser\u2019 develop the habit of saying \u2018Let me get back to you on that\u2019. Buy yourself some time to think through whether the request is really in your interests. Is it something you are genuinely willing and able to do? Great. If not, it\u2019s time to learn the magic of \u2018no\u2019. Or at least \u2018not now\u2019.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Think about what feels both safe and optimal for you, in all areas of your life. It might be your work and social commitments, your business and personal relationships, your daily routine. You may need to reset boundaries in many aspects of your life. And that\u2019s great \u2013 it\u2019s a sign you\u2019re taking back your power.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>Build a circle you trust<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you start to develop your own power you will get clearer on who you can trust and who you can\u2019t. And you\u2019ll feel less guilty about booting people who treat you badly. Your inner resilience will mean you no longer depend on the esteem of others to feel good about yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But you will also find that you will want to bring people in. It\u2019s exhausting trying to wear all the hats, especially if you have a complicated financial, business or personal life. So seek out people who can help you. Be honest about your areas of weakness or ignorance, and find people to plug those gaps. If understanding money isn\u2019t your strong suit, get a wealth adviser to counsel you. Knowledge is power. If your ex is threatening all sorts of nightmare scenarios through the court, seek specialist legal advice. If figuring out what you want and need has you spinning, work with a specialist coach, like me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whenever you\u2019re looking for someone who can help you, ask yourself two questions:<\/span><\/p><ol><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What experience do they have of working with people like me?<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does my gut trust them?<\/span><\/li><\/ol><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need to tap into both your heart and head wisdom when recruiting people to your team. You can read more about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/how-do-i-know-if-i-should-divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to tune into your different sources of wisdom here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It\u2019s important that you enlist specialists who know what they\u2019re doing, with the experience to prove it. You\u2019re no-one\u2019s guinea pig. And it\u2019s just as important you\u2019re working with people who understand you, who you have rapport with. Who you can be honest with, and who will be honest with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>I can help<\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I offer a range of private, confidential 1:1 services to help you navigate divorce. If you are just considering it and haven\u2019t spoken to anyone yet I can help. If you are working through court processes I can help. Struggling with decision-making or knowing what\u2019s best for you? I can help. And it's not just me - I can recommend a team of trusted wealth managers, asset tracers and lawyers who will put you and not your wealth at the centre of your divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I bring both my legal background and extensive coaching experience of working with women in your situation. I can be the person on the end of the phone whenever you need it. You do not have to do this alone, however lonely you sometimes feel.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can book in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/contact\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">an initial call here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2>About Emma<\/h2><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2704,1,301],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16010","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-high-net-worth-divorce","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband","category-podcast"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-10.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4ae","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16010","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16010"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16010\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16011"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16010"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16010"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16010"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}