[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
As lockdown in England ends, we hit December. For many of us, December is a month of manic buying, people pleasing and racing around. And this year we have our \u2018Christmas bubbles\u2019 to consider too. There might be less racing around in person, but that doesn\u2019t mean the stress levels drop. <\/span><\/p>\n So today we\u2019re looking at how you can consider your own needs. Before the mayhem kicks in. What\u2019s the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n For so many women Christmas is a time we meet the needs of others. It\u2019s about creating magic for the children. Doing the shopping \u2013 for your spouse\u2019s family as well as your own (yes \u2013 many of my clients still buy presents for their ex\u2019s family!). Keeping up with traditions that have long since lost their sparkle.<\/span><\/p>\n Is that you? Are you the person running around trying to keep everyone happy? Doing all the Christmas cards, planning \u2018winter wonderland\u2019 trips, organising presents for teachers and scouring the internet to get that Lego set at the best price? As well as figuring out how to mastermind the big day itself so everyone gets the food they want?<\/span><\/p>\n If so, I have five words for you. <\/span><\/p>\n You are a person too. <\/span><\/p>\n You have a right to Christmas too \u2013 whatever that means to you. Religious or not, I don\u2019t reckon there\u2019s a single soul out there who wants to be chasing their tail, overspending in December. <\/span><\/p>\n So what do you want for yourself this Christmas season? And I mean, from right now \u2013 not just under the tree on 25 December?<\/span><\/p>\n The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is the gift of saying ‘no’.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2018No\u2019 is a powerful word. One that we\u2019re so conditioned not to use, it might feel uncomfortable. But this Christmas I\u2019m asking you to give it a go.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m not making the lunch this year.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Or<\/p>\n \u201cNo, we are not getting a new Xbox.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, I am not going to Oxford to see Auntie Sue.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Life is short. And there are only so many things we can give our time, money and attention to. We can feel pelted by all the demands upon us \u2013 from others, and the expectations we place on ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo\u201d lets us wipe the slate clean. When we say no it means we can say \u201cYes\u201d to something else. Something we really want or need. <\/span><\/p>\n So, let\u2019s pretend you say \u201cNo\u201d to absolutely everything this year. Take it all off the list.<\/span><\/p>\n You get a blank piece of paper. How exciting is that?! Now, what are you going to put on your blank sheet? <\/span><\/p>\n What has your \u201cNo\u201d created space for? Give your attention to that instead. <\/span><\/p>\n The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is believing that your needs deserve to be met.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n We get children to write Christmas lists and send them to Santa. Not many adults do it for ourselves though, do we? That\u2019s because, by the time we get to adulthood, usually the things we want aren\u2019t really things. We don\u2019t need the latest games console or must-have toy to feel good. <\/span><\/p>\n Yes, presents can be nice, if they\u2019re thoughtful. If they show love. But what we really want, once we\u2019re grown up, is more foundational than that. We want things like:<\/span><\/p>\n And we know those things aren\u2019t wrapped up in boxes. They\u2019re woven into how we spend our lives, and who spend them with. We find them when we realise that we\u2019ve been living a pale half-life, stuck in a marriage that\u2019s no longer happy or healthy. And we see them when we start taking charge of our own lives again. <\/span><\/p>\n We know we can glimpse adventure, for example, on a walk to the shops, because we\u2019ve started living on purpose again. And we know we\u2019re building security when we face up to our financial paperwork. We create bubbles of fun when we remind ourselves we are people too. And choose to spend some of our time doing things that make us giggle \u2013 just because. <\/span><\/p>\n If you could wave a magic wand this Christmas, what would you ask for? And where can you start asking for or creating that? (Assuming the big man doesn\u2019t leave it wrapped up in a box under the tree for you \u2013 and you never know\u2026).<\/span><\/p>\n Is to begin to put you first. Be the captain of your ship – the CEO of your divorce. It takes practice when you are a ‘giver’ rather than a ‘receiver’. But like anything, if you don’t practice, it’ll take longer to get good at it. As one of my coaches said to me – “It doesn’t get easier, it just gets later”.<\/p>\n Taking a moment to check your own needs is the very best gift you can give yourself right now. Honestly. Say no to all the obligations, start with a blank sheet and create a new page. <\/span><\/p>\n The second best gift, if you\u2019re embarking on, or in the midst of, divorce? Join The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n The Absolute Academy is my community of women on a mission to get their divorce done. And I\u2019m with them, every step of the way. I\u2019m in there every week with live Q&As, zoom chats and responding to questions. <\/span><\/p>\n Chances are when I asked you what you\u2019d wish for, you said you want your divorce over with. You want this whole emotional rollercoaster, legal pain in the neck nightmare behind you. You want to close the chapter on your marriage so you can start a fresh chapter on your own terms.<\/span><\/p>\n Sadly there\u2019s no divorce fairy to grant that wish. And, in fairness, The Absolute Academy won\u2019t instantly solve all your problems either.<\/span><\/p>\n But it will give you answers. It will take away overwhelm. It will mean you\u2019re with a bunch of women who have your back. You’ll have help deciding what\u2019s right for you, and how to navigate the legalities.<\/span><\/p>\n It will also save you a whole heap of money. It costs \u00a3147 per month at the moment. Do you know how much a solicitor\u2019s hourly rate is? You can take a look for yourself at the government\u2019s guideline figures here<\/span><\/a> (and bear in mind they\u2019re from 2010 \u2013 ten years ago). Those are hourly rates, not monthly ones, remember. <\/span><\/p>\n I know you will end up paying a solicitor a lot less if you work with me. Many of my clients have saved thousands. Here\u2019s what Sofia, a current member says:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI used to spend thousands of pounds on my solicitor (up to \u00a37K a month) and I’d still feel totally out of control. I knew that asking questions would cost me even more money so would be very careful about what to ask. Now I do everything myself with Emma’s support and spend \u00a3147 a month. That’s it. Yes, it is more work for me, I prepare everything myself as I no longer have a solicitor but I feel in control, and get emotional and practical advice every week.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The Absolute Academy monthly fee is going up in January. That\u2019s because it\u2019s worth a whole lot more than \u00a3147. <\/span><\/p>\n As well as the group and all of my live input, you get access to a whole library of training and resources. This includes \u2018Get Divorce Ready\u2019, my step by step, in-depth guide to getting yourself into a place practically and emotionally to make divorce as smooth as possible. And you also get discounts on my other paid-for services. <\/span><\/p>\n So if you want to take charge of your divorce, and get that \u2018in control\u2019 feeling Sofia talks about, I\u2019m inviting you to join us now.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s so simple to join. Take a look at the information here<\/span><\/a>, and click the \u2018join the club\u2019 button. <\/span><\/p>\n I want you to feel absolutely confident it\u2019s right for you, so if you have any questions, I\u2019m happy to help. Just book a free chat in with me here<\/span><\/a> and I\u2019ll get back to you as soon as I can.<\/span><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas As lockdown in England ends, we hit December. For many of us, December is a month of manic buying, people pleasing and racing around. And this year we have our \u2018Christmas bubbles\u2019 to consider too. There might be less racing around in person, but that doesn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" As lockdown in England ends, we hit December. For many of us, December is a month of manic buying, people pleasing and racing around. And this year we have our \u2018Christmas bubbles\u2019 to consider too. There might be less racing around in person, but that doesn\u2019t mean the stress levels drop. <\/span><\/p> So today we\u2019re looking at how you can consider your own needs. Before the mayhem kicks in. What\u2019s the best gift you can give yourself this Christmas?<\/em><\/span><\/p> For so many women Christmas is a time we meet the needs of others. It\u2019s about creating magic for the children. Doing the shopping \u2013 for your spouse\u2019s family as well as your own (yes \u2013 many of my clients still buy presents for their ex\u2019s family!). Keeping up with traditions that have long since lost their sparkle.<\/span><\/p> Is that you? Are you the person running around trying to keep everyone happy? Doing all the Christmas cards, planning \u2018winter wonderland\u2019 trips, organising presents for teachers and scouring the internet to get that Lego set at the best price? As well as figuring out how to mastermind the big day itself so everyone gets the food they want?<\/span><\/p> If so, I have five words for you. <\/span><\/p> You are a person too. <\/span><\/p> You have a right to Christmas too \u2013 whatever that means to you. Religious or not, I don\u2019t reckon there\u2019s a single soul out there who wants to be chasing their tail, overspending in December. <\/span><\/p> So what do you want for yourself this Christmas season? And I mean, from right now \u2013 not just under the tree on 25 December?<\/span><\/p> The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is the gift of saying 'no'.<\/span><\/p> \u2018No\u2019 is a powerful word. One that we\u2019re so conditioned not to use, it might feel uncomfortable. But this Christmas I\u2019m asking you to give it a go.<\/span><\/p> \u201cNo, I\u2019m not making the lunch this year.\u201d<\/span><\/p> Or<\/p> \u201cNo, we are not getting a new Xbox.\u201d<\/span><\/p> \u201cNo, I am not going to Oxford to see Auntie Sue.\u201d<\/span><\/p> Life is short. And there are only so many things we can give our time, money and attention to. We can feel pelted by all the demands upon us \u2013 from others, and the expectations we place on ourselves.<\/span><\/p> \u201cNo\u201d lets us wipe the slate clean. When we say no it means we can say \u201cYes\u201d to something else. Something we really want or need. <\/span><\/p> So, let\u2019s pretend you say \u201cNo\u201d to absolutely everything this year. Take it all off the list.<\/span><\/p> You get a blank piece of paper. How exciting is that?! Now, what are you going to put on your blank sheet? <\/span><\/p> What has your \u201cNo\u201d created space for? Give your attention to that instead. <\/span><\/p> The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is believing that your needs deserve to be met.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> We get children to write Christmas lists and send them to Santa. Not many adults do it for ourselves though, do we? That\u2019s because, by the time we get to adulthood, usually the things we want aren\u2019t really things. We don\u2019t need the latest games console or must-have toy to feel good. <\/span><\/p> Yes, presents can be nice, if they\u2019re thoughtful. If they show love. But what we really want, once we\u2019re grown up, is more foundational than that. We want things like:<\/span><\/p> And we know those things aren\u2019t wrapped up in boxes. They\u2019re woven into how we spend our lives, and who spend them with. We find them when we realise that we\u2019ve been living a pale half-life, stuck in a marriage that\u2019s no longer happy or healthy. And we see them when we start taking charge of our own lives again. <\/span><\/p> We know we can glimpse adventure, for example, on a walk to the shops, because we\u2019ve started living on purpose again. And we know we\u2019re building security when we face up to our financial paperwork. We create bubbles of fun when we remind ourselves we are people too. And choose to spend some of our time doing things that make us giggle \u2013 just because. <\/span><\/p> If you could wave a magic wand this Christmas, what would you ask for? And where can you start asking for or creating that? (Assuming the big man doesn\u2019t leave it wrapped up in a box under the tree for you \u2013 and you never know\u2026).<\/span><\/p> Is to begin to put you first. Be the captain of your ship - the CEO of your divorce. It takes practice when you are a 'giver' rather than a 'receiver'. But like anything, if you don't practice, it'll take longer to get good at it. As one of my coaches said to me - \"It doesn't get easier, it just gets later\".<\/p> Taking a moment to check your own needs is the very best gift you can give yourself right now. Honestly. Say no to all the obligations, start with a blank sheet and create a new page. <\/span><\/p> The second best gift, if you\u2019re embarking on, or in the midst of, divorce? Join The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p> The Absolute Academy is my community of women on a mission to get their divorce done. And I\u2019m with them, every step of the way. I\u2019m in there every week with live Q&As, zoom chats and responding to questions. <\/span><\/p> Chances are when I asked you what you\u2019d wish for, you said you want your divorce over with. You want this whole emotional rollercoaster, legal pain in the neck nightmare behind you. You want to close the chapter on your marriage so you can start a fresh chapter on your own terms.<\/span><\/p> Sadly there\u2019s no divorce fairy to grant that wish. And, in fairness, The Absolute Academy won\u2019t instantly solve all your problems either.<\/span><\/p> But it will give you answers. It will take away overwhelm. It will mean you\u2019re with a bunch of women who have your back. You'll have help deciding what\u2019s right for you, and how to navigate the legalities.<\/span><\/p> It will also save you a whole heap of money. It costs \u00a3147 per month at the moment. Do you know how much a solicitor\u2019s hourly rate is? You can take a look for yourself at the government\u2019s guideline figures here<\/span><\/a> (and bear in mind they\u2019re from 2010 \u2013 ten years ago). Those are hourly rates, not monthly ones, remember. <\/span><\/p> I know you will end up paying a solicitor a lot less if you work with me. Many of my clients have saved thousands. Here\u2019s what Sofia, a current member says:<\/span><\/p> \u201cI used to spend thousands of pounds on my solicitor (up to \u00a37K a month) and I'd still feel totally out of control. I knew that asking questions would cost me even more money so would be very careful about what to ask. Now I do everything myself with Emma's support and spend \u00a3147 a month. That's it. Yes, it is more work for me, I prepare everything myself as I no longer have a solicitor but I feel in control, and get emotional and practical advice every week.\u201d<\/span><\/p> The Absolute Academy monthly fee is going up in January. That\u2019s because it\u2019s worth a whole lot more than \u00a3147. <\/span><\/p> As well as the group and all of my live input, you get access to a whole library of training and resources. This includes \u2018Get Divorce Ready\u2019, my step by step, in-depth guide to getting yourself into a place practically and emotionally to make divorce as smooth as possible. And you also get discounts on my other paid-for services. <\/span><\/p> So if you want to take charge of your divorce, and get that \u2018in control\u2019 feeling Sofia talks about, I\u2019m inviting you to join us now.<\/span><\/p> It\u2019s so simple to join. Take a look at the information here<\/span><\/a>, and click the \u2018join the club\u2019 button. <\/span><\/p> I want you to feel absolutely confident it\u2019s right for you, so if you have any questions, I\u2019m happy to help. Just book a free chat in with me here<\/span><\/a> and I\u2019ll get back to you as soon as I can.<\/span><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-18.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4aO","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16046","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16046"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16046\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>You are a person too<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Say no<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>If you could wave a magic wand\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
\u00a0<\/h1>\n
<\/span>The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Giving you answers<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Join The Absolute Academy now<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n
The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas <\/span><\/h1>
You are a person too<\/span><\/h2>
Say no<\/span><\/h2>
If you could wave a magic wand\u2026<\/span><\/h2>
\u00a0<\/h1>
The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas<\/span><\/h2>
The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/h2>
Giving you answers<\/h2>
Join The Absolute Academy now<\/span><\/h2>
About Emma<\/h2>