[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ header_3_text_align=”justify” header_3_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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Getting a divorce?\u00a0 You need to get accountable. Without it, the path to divorce is rockier and steeper. And, heavens knows, divorce is difficult enough \u2013 it\u2019s worth grabbing anything that makes it better. It\u2019s not just divorce too \u2013 we need accountability for lots of things in life. In Why You Need Accountability In Your Divorce<\/em> we getting into why, and how exactly you can get the accountability that\u2019s right for you.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let\u2019s face it, as fresh-faced 21-year-olds, none of us had \u2018get divorced\u2019 on our life plans. When it comes to your personal and career-related hopes and dreams, I\u2019m betting \u2018going through a traumatic emotional and legal experience\u2019 wasn\u2019t on the list.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let\u2019s start there. Divorce isn\u2019t something we\u2019d choose, given a blank page. Hopefully, if you\u2019ve read \u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/a> or got into my blogs (start here for a good round-up of must-reads<\/a>) you\u2019ll know that it\u2019s essential to spend time making both a plan and a vision for your future.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Sometimes that vision is enough to see you through. The thought that one day you will be divorced, and living a peaceful life free of your marriage is exactly the motivation you need to do the hard things now.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Often, though, you need external motivation. It\u2019s natural \u2013 you\u2019re human. We use reward and treat systems to get ourselves through unappetising things all the time. Got to write a boring report for work? Promise yourself a glass of wine that evening when it\u2019s done. Got to take the children to football practice in the pouring rain? Take a flask of coffee to see you through. (Is there a reason all my rewards are drinks?!)<\/p>\n Accountability is a form of external motivation. It helps you stay on track when you\u2019re not naturally drawn to doing something for its own sake. Daunted by looking at your finances? It\u2019s easy to put off until the weekend when you have more headspace\u2026 and at the weekend you figure you need a rest so you\u2019ll do it next week\u2026 and so on. Accountability stops that procrastination in its tracks.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When you are accountable you know you need to show up. You don\u2019t have to like it, but you do have to do it. You\u2019ve said you will, and people will be checking in. Of course, if there are good reasons why you\u2019ve not done something, no-one\u2019s going to haul you over the coals. But research suggests time and time again we are more likely to get an unappealing task done if we\u2019re held accountable.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We are wired to back away from tasks or subjects we find difficult. It\u2019s satisfying to tick a job off a list. It\u2019s far less satisfying to see a tangle of things to do, some dependent on other people, some with unknown answers, and have to sort it all out. Our brains scream \u201crun away!!!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For most of us, anyway. Some lucky people get a thrill from creating order out of chaos, and if that\u2019s you, great. But it\u2019s still easy to let things drift, or not know the best order to create an effective plan.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When things get complex, accountability becomes a much-needed companion. You wouldn\u2019t attempt to climb Mount Everest on your own if you\u2019re a novice who\u2019s just bought some walking boots from Mountain Warehouse. You\u2019d seek support to help you get the right kit, get fit, and then someone to walk alongside you as you trek into the Himalayas. Accountability means you\u2019ve got someone alongside you as you climb your Divorce Everest.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It means you\u2019ve got people to sense check your plans with. Depending on where you get your accountability, you\u2019ll have people (like me!) who know what\u2019s needed and can tell you what to do first. And as you undertake your Divorce Everest you\u2019ll have people making sure you have what\u2019s needed every step of the way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As that old saying goes, every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Accountability means you take that step, and keep taking it. And helps you travel in the right direction too.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n First mountain climbing, now marathons \u2013 anyone would think we\u2019ve been locked down for months and I\u2019m dreaming of the great outdoors!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n But a marathon is a great metaphor for divorce. Unlike a sprint, it\u2019s rarely over quickly. You need to pace yourself and it\u2019s likely there will be times you are exhausted by it all. Most marathon runners will tell you that what gets them through on race day is the cheering of the crowd. If they were stuck doing a virtual marathon at home (for example, because of a global pandemic), would they still complete the race? Some definitely will. But they\u2019ll tell you it\u2019s much harder. And they\u2019ll be seeking out virtual cheers via social media.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Just like with marathon running, you need a support team to keep you going when you divorce. You need people who will cheer you on when morale is low. People you can check in with, who will ask how you\u2019re getting on. People who will provide practical support (the divorce equivalent of energy drinks) when you need it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Accountability keeps your divorce momentum going. Yes, it\u2019s fine to rest, to take a break from it all. But accountability makes sure you come back \u2013 you\u2019re not running away, you\u2019re restoring your energy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n The good news is, you can find accountability in plenty of places. And you don\u2019t even need other people, so long as you\u2019re disciplined!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you want to keep things simple, and know you just need someone to check in with regularly, get yourself an accountability partner. This could be a trusted friend, someone else going through divorce at the same time, a work acquaintance you respect, even.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A huge benefit to this informal system is it\u2019s free. Just set yourselves a time to check-in and review progress. The downside is this tends to be a loosely held arrangement. Friends aren\u2019t always the best placed to give you a kick up the bum when you need it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And if they do are you up for being called out by your bestie? You don\u2019t want their accountability to ruin your friendship. Get clear on your rules before you start so your friendship remains intact \u2013 and go for a trial period so you both have a get-out in case things don\u2019t work out as you\u2019d hoped.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Maybe you don\u2019t have a trusted group of people to turn to. It\u2019s perfectly possible to hold yourself to account. It\u2019s harder, but it\u2019s doable. Your best chance of success is in getting organised.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n At the start of each week set yourself three achievable goals. Then, at a set time each week, set a reminder in your phone to nudge you into doing them if they\u2019ve slipped. Finally, towards the end of the week review how you got on.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Set aside specific times for this each week so it becomes a non-negotiable part of your routine. And if you want to get all schooly about it you can make yourself a reward chart with the promise of a big treat if you complete everything.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The self-accountability system has even more chance of going to the dogs than working with a buddy. So you do need to be disciplined. A notebook will help you. Rewards will help you. But ultimately it\u2019s up to you to keep yourself on track.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Of course I\u2019m going to suggest you work with me to keep you motivated on your divorce journey! I have supported hundreds of women through divorce \u2013 I\u2019ve celebrated alongside them and been by their (virtual) side as they hit rock bottom. My support has helped them get back up.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I know what you need to get your divorce motoring, and I can help you stick with it when the going it tough. I can help you work through what to do next when it feels like an impenetrable maze. And I can call you out when you\u2019re getting in your own way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There are two main ways to work with me.<\/p>\n The Absolute Academy<\/a> is my community of women who want to make smart decision in their divorce. They are committed to taking action and they know that being among other women like them will spur them on. When you going The Absolute Academy you also get access to Get Divorce Ready \u2013 a self-study course that takes you through everything you need to know to get organised for your divorce. And next month I\u2019m supporting everyone in the group with a live version too \u2013 so now is a great time to join.<\/a><\/p>\n If you want absolute privacy as you navigate divorce, I am here for you. I can be the person you can trust with absolute certainty. I\u2019ll help you understand the legalities and the financials.\u00a0 Together, I\u2019ll help you figure out what you want and need from post-divorce life. I\u2019ll help you work through emotional blocks holding you back. And yes, I\u2019ll keep you accountable too. Find out more here<\/a>.<\/p>\n So if 2021 is the year you get your divorce done, get some accountability!\u00a0 I\u2019m here to help \u2013 just book in a chat<\/a> if you\u2019re not sure what you need right now.<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Why You Need Accountability In Your Divorce Getting a divorce?\u00a0 You need to get accountable. Without it, the path to divorce is rockier and steeper. And, heavens knows, divorce is difficult enough \u2013 it\u2019s worth grabbing anything that makes it better. It\u2019s not just divorce too \u2013 we need accountability for lots of things […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16117,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" \u00a0<\/p> Getting a divorce?\u00a0 You need to get accountable. Without it, the path to divorce is rockier and steeper. And, heavens knows, divorce is difficult enough \u2013 it\u2019s worth grabbing anything that makes it better. It\u2019s not just divorce too \u2013 we need accountability for lots of things in life. In Why You Need Accountability In Your Divorce<\/em> we getting into why, and how exactly you can get the accountability that\u2019s right for you.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Let\u2019s face it, as fresh-faced 21-year-olds, none of us had \u2018get divorced\u2019 on our life plans. When it comes to your personal and career-related hopes and dreams, I\u2019m betting \u2018going through a traumatic emotional and legal experience\u2019 wasn\u2019t on the list.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Let\u2019s start there. Divorce isn\u2019t something we\u2019d choose, given a blank page. Hopefully, if you\u2019ve read \u2018How To Be A Lady Who Leaves\u2019<\/a> or got into my blogs (start here for a good round-up of must-reads<\/a>) you\u2019ll know that it\u2019s essential to spend time making both a plan and a vision for your future.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Sometimes that vision is enough to see you through. The thought that one day you will be divorced, and living a peaceful life free of your marriage is exactly the motivation you need to do the hard things now.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Often, though, you need external motivation. It\u2019s natural \u2013 you\u2019re human. We use reward and treat systems to get ourselves through unappetising things all the time. Got to write a boring report for work? Promise yourself a glass of wine that evening when it\u2019s done. Got to take the children to football practice in the pouring rain? Take a flask of coffee to see you through. (Is there a reason all my rewards are drinks?!)<\/p> Accountability is a form of external motivation. It helps you stay on track when you\u2019re not naturally drawn to doing something for its own sake. Daunted by looking at your finances? It\u2019s easy to put off until the weekend when you have more headspace\u2026 and at the weekend you figure you need a rest so you\u2019ll do it next week\u2026 and so on. Accountability stops that procrastination in its tracks.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When you are accountable you know you need to show up. You don\u2019t have to like it, but you do have to do it. You\u2019ve said you will, and people will be checking in. Of course, if there are good reasons why you\u2019ve not done something, no-one\u2019s going to haul you over the coals. But research suggests time and time again we are more likely to get an unappealing task done if we\u2019re held accountable.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> We are wired to back away from tasks or subjects we find difficult. It\u2019s satisfying to tick a job off a list. It\u2019s far less satisfying to see a tangle of things to do, some dependent on other people, some with unknown answers, and have to sort it all out. Our brains scream \u201crun away!!!\u201d<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> For most of us, anyway. Some lucky people get a thrill from creating order out of chaos, and if that\u2019s you, great. But it\u2019s still easy to let things drift, or not know the best order to create an effective plan.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When things get complex, accountability becomes a much-needed companion. You wouldn\u2019t attempt to climb Mount Everest on your own if you\u2019re a novice who\u2019s just bought some walking boots from Mountain Warehouse. You\u2019d seek support to help you get the right kit, get fit, and then someone to walk alongside you as you trek into the Himalayas. Accountability means you\u2019ve got someone alongside you as you climb your Divorce Everest.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It means you\u2019ve got people to sense check your plans with. Depending on where you get your accountability, you\u2019ll have people (like me!) who know what\u2019s needed and can tell you what to do first. And as you undertake your Divorce Everest you\u2019ll have people making sure you have what\u2019s needed every step of the way.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> As that old saying goes, every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Accountability means you take that step, and keep taking it. And helps you travel in the right direction too.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> First mountain climbing, now marathons \u2013 anyone would think we\u2019ve been locked down for months and I\u2019m dreaming of the great outdoors!<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> But a marathon is a great metaphor for divorce. Unlike a sprint, it\u2019s rarely over quickly. You need to pace yourself and it\u2019s likely there will be times you are exhausted by it all. Most marathon runners will tell you that what gets them through on race day is the cheering of the crowd. If they were stuck doing a virtual marathon at home (for example, because of a global pandemic), would they still complete the race? Some definitely will. But they\u2019ll tell you it\u2019s much harder. And they\u2019ll be seeking out virtual cheers via social media.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Just like with marathon running, you need a support team to keep you going when you divorce. You need people who will cheer you on when morale is low. People you can check in with, who will ask how you\u2019re getting on. People who will provide practical support (the divorce equivalent of energy drinks) when you need it.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Accountability keeps your divorce momentum going. Yes, it\u2019s fine to rest, to take a break from it all. But accountability makes sure you come back \u2013 you\u2019re not running away, you\u2019re restoring your energy.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> The good news is, you can find accountability in plenty of places. And you don\u2019t even need other people, so long as you\u2019re disciplined!<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you want to keep things simple, and know you just need someone to check in with regularly, get yourself an accountability partner. This could be a trusted friend, someone else going through divorce at the same time, a work acquaintance you respect, even.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> A huge benefit to this informal system is it\u2019s free. Just set yourselves a time to check-in and review progress. The downside is this tends to be a loosely held arrangement. Friends aren\u2019t always the best placed to give you a kick up the bum when you need it.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> And if they do are you up for being called out by your bestie? You don\u2019t want their accountability to ruin your friendship. Get clear on your rules before you start so your friendship remains intact \u2013 and go for a trial period so you both have a get-out in case things don\u2019t work out as you\u2019d hoped.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Maybe you don\u2019t have a trusted group of people to turn to. It\u2019s perfectly possible to hold yourself to account. It\u2019s harder, but it\u2019s doable. Your best chance of success is in getting organised.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> At the start of each week set yourself three achievable goals. Then, at a set time each week, set a reminder in your phone to nudge you into doing them if they\u2019ve slipped. Finally, towards the end of the week review how you got on.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Set aside specific times for this each week so it becomes a non-negotiable part of your routine. And if you want to get all schooly about it you can make yourself a reward chart with the promise of a big treat if you complete everything.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> The self-accountability system has even more chance of going to the dogs than working with a buddy. So you do need to be disciplined. A notebook will help you. Rewards will help you. But ultimately it\u2019s up to you to keep yourself on track.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Of course I\u2019m going to suggest you work with me to keep you motivated on your divorce journey! I have supported hundreds of women through divorce \u2013 I\u2019ve celebrated alongside them and been by their (virtual) side as they hit rock bottom. My support has helped them get back up.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> I know what you need to get your divorce motoring, and I can help you stick with it when the going it tough. I can help you work through what to do next when it feels like an impenetrable maze. And I can call you out when you\u2019re getting in your own way.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> There are two main ways to work with me.<\/p> The Absolute Academy<\/a> is my community of women who want to make smart decision in their divorce. They are committed to taking action and they know that being among other women like them will spur them on. When you going The Absolute Academy you also get access to Get Divorce Ready \u2013 a self-study course that takes you through everything you need to know to get organised for your divorce. And next month I\u2019m supporting everyone in the group with a live version too \u2013 so now is a great time to join.<\/a><\/p> If you want absolute privacy as you navigate divorce, I am here for you. I can be the person you can trust with absolute certainty. I\u2019ll help you understand the legalities and the financials.\u00a0 Together, I\u2019ll help you figure out what you want and need from post-divorce life. I\u2019ll help you work through emotional blocks holding you back. And yes, I\u2019ll keep you accountable too. Find out more here<\/a>.<\/p> So if 2021 is the year you get your divorce done, get some accountability!\u00a0 I\u2019m here to help \u2013 just book in a chat<\/a> if you\u2019re not sure what you need right now.<\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,20,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-divorce-coaching","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-31.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4bW","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16116"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16116\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Divorce is no fun<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Accountability – the motivation you need<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Divorce is complex<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Divorce is a marathon<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>How can you get accountable?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Find an accountability partner<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Be your own accountability buddy<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Work with a pro<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Join The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>\u00a01-1 Coaching<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n
Why You Need Accountability In Your Divorce<\/h1>
Divorce is no fun<\/h2>
Accountability - the motivation you need<\/h2>
Divorce is complex<\/h2>
Divorce is a marathon<\/h2>
How can you get accountable?<\/h2>
Find an accountability partner<\/h3>
Be your own accountability buddy<\/h3>
Work with a pro<\/h3>
Join The Absolute Academy<\/h2>
\u00a01-1 Coaching<\/h2>
About Emma<\/h2>