[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.9.2″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified”]<\/p>\n
Want to get divorced but don\u2019t think you can afford it? When your biggest divorce stress<\/em> is money for you. We\u2019ll look at how to minimise costs, as well as possible sources of funds so you can take action when your biggest divorce stress is money.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Money can be a stress for many of us. For some, that stress comes from not understanding your financial situation. For some, it comes from a lack of money. So the absolute first thing you need to do if money is causing you stress is to pinpoint why.<\/p>\n And to do that you need to look your financial situation in the eye. Even if you\u2019re convinced already you have zero funds to your name, you need to get super clear on your numbers.<\/p>\n What do I mean by that? I mean you need to know exactly what your assets are (how much money and other resources, such as houses, cars, belongings, pensions etc) you have. And you need to know what your liabilities are (how much you owe). You need to look at both your joint and individual assets and liabilities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Looking at finances can feel frightening, especially if it\u2019s not something you\u2019ve paid close attention to before. Was it something your soon-to-be-ex dealt with, or you felt was their territory because they brought in most of the money? You\u2019re not alone. But now is the time to take courage and open the box.<\/p>\n The first thing to do is to track down all your joint and individual bank accounts. Make sure you can access them all, you have every right to look at yours and your joint accounts. Don’t be tempted to hack or snoop into your spouse’s affairs – it will come back to bite you hard! To start with, just gather the information together. Get organised. Make a note of bank details so you can find them again quickly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now think about any pensions or investments. If you have these, track down the paperwork. If you don\u2019t understand them you can always call the provider to talk you through it. Bear in mind your soon-to-be-ex\u2019s financial situation too. You may not be able to access their details at the moment, but it\u2019s useful to have a sense of their financial picture. For example, do they have a company pension? Do they receive bonuses in addition to a salary? Make a note of what you don\u2019t know, as well as what you do \u2013 it will be useful for checking and asking questions down the line.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Take it all step by step. Break things down into bitesize chunks so you don\u2019t get overwhelmed. But, crucially, don\u2019t agree to anything until you have a good sense of your financial situation. And by this, I mean in specific figures: the value of assets you have to your name and the value of your liabilities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Your specific circumstances will determine how much help you need in resolving your finances. It is likely to be simpler to separate out your finances and reach agreement if:<\/p>\n If this is your situation you may be able to resolve your finances between yourselves fairly easily and apply for a consent order from the court.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If one or more of those circumstances are not the case, the situation becomes more complicated. I recommend seeking professional support if at all possible.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n There are several ways you can seek support:<\/p>\n I advise my clients to use a combination of these options depending on their financial circumstances and the personality type of their spouse. Wherever possible, unless you are in a high conflict situation, it is best to resolve things as collaboratively as possible. Not only does this turn down the emotional heat, it\u2019s also cheaper than having the courts decide.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When your biggest divorce stress is money look for other sources of funding. Legal Aid is no longer provided for divorce cases, except for in abusive situations (and you will have to evidence the abuse). If this is your situation I urge you to contact\u00a0 <\/span>Women\u2019s Aid<\/span><\/a> for support and information on how to proceed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re on a low income you may be eligible for legal aid to help with mediation costs. You can check your eligibility here.<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Depending on your location and particular circumstances you may be eligible for a grant \u2013 this might support your living costs rather than your divorce costs directly. You can check your eligibility on the Turn2Us website<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>They can also help with debt advice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Some clients turn to family and friends to help with the divorce costs. You will know if this is appropriate for you. I highly recommend being clear about when you are likely to be able to repay any family loans. It may not be for a number of years and both you and the person loaning you the money need to enter that agreement with open eyes. Honesty and trust is crucial on both sides. Don\u2019t let your divorce cause damage to another relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You may have hoped that a solicitor would take care of all of the money discussions for you but find you can\u2019t afford it. Don\u2019t worry. Even if you did have oodles of cash to pay a solicitor, you would still need to play an active role in the process. They don\u2019t know your financial history, and, just as importantly, your future financial needs. You do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It might not feel like it, but divorce is an opportunity to take the reins. To stop being scared and burying your head in the sand. When your biggest divorce stress is money, <\/em>\u00a0look your numbers in the eye and know you can handle it. Because you can. However much or little money you have you are in a far more powerful position when you know where you stand.<\/p>\n Break things into simple steps. Be persistent and organised. Arm yourself with knowledge and work through your finances steadily.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Did you know that as well as these blogs I have a weekly podcast? You\u2019ll find six new bite-size episodes each week. They\u2019re all designed to take the stress out of divorce. And they\u2019re all free. You can find all the episodes here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So you don\u2019t need to do this alone. I\u2019ve got your back. And you can book a free 30-minute consultation<\/span><\/a> if you want to know how I can do more to help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/a><\/strong>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a> When your biggest divorce stress is money Want to get divorced but don\u2019t think you can afford it? When your biggest divorce stress is money for you. We\u2019ll look at how to minimise costs, as well as possible sources of funds so you can take action when your biggest divorce stress is money.\u00a0 Knowledge is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16199,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Want to get divorced but don\u2019t think you can afford it? When your biggest divorce stress<\/em> is money for you. We\u2019ll look at how to minimise costs, as well as possible sources of funds so you can take action when your biggest divorce stress is money.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Money can be a stress for many of us. For some, that stress comes from not understanding your financial situation. For some, it comes from a lack of money. So the absolute first thing you need to do if money is causing you stress is to pinpoint why.<\/p> And to do that you need to look your financial situation in the eye. Even if you\u2019re convinced already you have zero funds to your name, you need to get super clear on your numbers.<\/p> What do I mean by that? I mean you need to know exactly what your assets are (how much money and other resources, such as houses, cars, belongings, pensions etc) you have. And you need to know what your liabilities are (how much you owe). You need to look at both your joint and individual assets and liabilities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Looking at finances can feel frightening, especially if it\u2019s not something you\u2019ve paid close attention to before. Was it something your soon-to-be-ex dealt with, or you felt was their territory because they brought in most of the money? You\u2019re not alone. But now is the time to take courage and open the box.<\/p> The first thing to do is to track down all your joint and individual bank accounts. Make sure you can access them all, you have every right to look at yours and your joint accounts. Don't be tempted to hack or snoop into your spouse's affairs - it will come back to bite you hard! To start with, just gather the information together. Get organised. Make a note of bank details so you can find them again quickly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Now think about any pensions or investments. If you have these, track down the paperwork. If you don\u2019t understand them you can always call the provider to talk you through it. Bear in mind your soon-to-be-ex\u2019s financial situation too. You may not be able to access their details at the moment, but it\u2019s useful to have a sense of their financial picture. For example, do they have a company pension? Do they receive bonuses in addition to a salary? Make a note of what you don\u2019t know, as well as what you do \u2013 it will be useful for checking and asking questions down the line.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Take it all step by step. Break things down into bitesize chunks so you don\u2019t get overwhelmed. But, crucially, don\u2019t agree to anything until you have a good sense of your financial situation. And by this, I mean in specific figures: the value of assets you have to your name and the value of your liabilities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Your specific circumstances will determine how much help you need in resolving your finances. It is likely to be simpler to separate out your finances and reach agreement if:<\/p> If this is your situation you may be able to resolve your finances between yourselves fairly easily and apply for a consent order from the court.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> If one or more of those circumstances are not the case, the situation becomes more complicated. I recommend seeking professional support if at all possible.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> There are several ways you can seek support:<\/p> I advise my clients to use a combination of these options depending on their financial circumstances and the personality type of their spouse. Wherever possible, unless you are in a high conflict situation, it is best to resolve things as collaboratively as possible. Not only does this turn down the emotional heat, it\u2019s also cheaper than having the courts decide.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> When your biggest divorce stress is money look for other sources of funding. Legal Aid is no longer provided for divorce cases, except for in abusive situations (and you will have to evidence the abuse). If this is your situation I urge you to contact\u00a0 <\/span>Women\u2019s Aid<\/span><\/a> for support and information on how to proceed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> If you\u2019re on a low income you may be eligible for legal aid to help with mediation costs. You can check your eligibility here.<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Depending on your location and particular circumstances you may be eligible for a grant \u2013 this might support your living costs rather than your divorce costs directly. You can check your eligibility on the Turn2Us website<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>They can also help with debt advice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Some clients turn to family and friends to help with the divorce costs. You will know if this is appropriate for you. I highly recommend being clear about when you are likely to be able to repay any family loans. It may not be for a number of years and both you and the person loaning you the money need to enter that agreement with open eyes. Honesty and trust is crucial on both sides. Don\u2019t let your divorce cause damage to another relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> You may have hoped that a solicitor would take care of all of the money discussions for you but find you can\u2019t afford it. Don\u2019t worry. Even if you did have oodles of cash to pay a solicitor, you would still need to play an active role in the process. They don\u2019t know your financial history, and, just as importantly, your future financial needs. You do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> It might not feel like it, but divorce is an opportunity to take the reins. To stop being scared and burying your head in the sand. When your biggest divorce stress is money, <\/em>\u00a0look your numbers in the eye and know you can handle it. Because you can. However much or little money you have you are in a far more powerful position when you know where you stand.<\/p> Break things into simple steps. Be persistent and organised. Arm yourself with knowledge and work through your finances steadily.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Did you know that as well as these blogs I have a weekly podcast? You\u2019ll find six new bite-size episodes each week. They\u2019re all designed to take the stress out of divorce. And they\u2019re all free. You can find all the episodes here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> So you don\u2019t need to do this alone. I\u2019ve got your back. And you can book a free 30-minute consultation<\/span><\/a> if you want to know how I can do more to help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/a><\/strong>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1841,59,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-mental-health","category-divorce-finances","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-36.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4de","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16196"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16196\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Knowledge is power<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Get started with a financial plan<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Do you need professional support?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
<\/span>Sources of support<\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
<\/span>Sources of funding<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Believe in yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Let me help take the stress away \u2013 for free<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n
\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"When your biggest divorce stress is money<\/h1>
Knowledge is power<\/h2>
Get started with a financial plan<\/h2>
Do you need professional support?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>
Sources of support<\/h2>
Sources of funding<\/h2>
Believe in yourself<\/h2>
Let me help take the stress away \u2013 for free<\/h2>
About Emma<\/h2>