[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.9.7″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified”]<\/p>\n
The \u2018firsts\u2019 after separation or divorce are always going to feel poignant and painful. First Christmas, first holiday, first anniversary\u2026 and the first wedding has lots of scope to push your buttons. But unless you decide to boycott weddings for the rest of your life this is an event you\u2019ll have to deal with. So let\u2019s look at how to survive your first wedding after divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n How to survive your first wedding after divorce<\/em> is all about preparation. If you\u2019ve not been in a romantic headspace lately (and who can blame you?) all the wedding bells and whistles might come as a bit of a culture shock. So take some time to desensitise. Maybe watch some films featuring weddings, or talk to friends about how the day\u2019s going to play out. Think back to some other weddings you\u2019ve been to in recent years. Just don\u2019t dwell on your own.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Remember the first time will be the hardest. But you only have to go to your first wedding post-divorce once. So there\u2019s no point putting it off \u2013 the more you build it up in your head, the bigger deal it will feel when you actually do go. That said, you know you best. If your first wedding invite is particularly triggering, maybe because of the people involved or the date, politely decline and send a gift instead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Wear something that makes you feel fabulous. It doesn\u2019t have to be a standout, red carpet outfit. It can be a tried and trusted combo. Just make sure it\u2019s something that feels like it\u2019s backing you up. Something that doesn\u2019t make you feel self-conscious or dowdy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019re going to have to make small talk at some point, that goes with the wedding territory. So have some stock phrases up your sleeve. If you are seated next to acquaintances who know you\u2019re recently divorced you may well be subject to the \u201cHow are you doing dear?\u201d sort of questions, along with head tilted to one side of course. You may bump into people who didn\u2019t know about your separation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Or you may need to chat to people who don\u2019t know your circumstances and want to know why you don\u2019t have a dishy date on your sleeve. Either way, have a few stock phrases you can throw at them so you don\u2019t feel blindsided by questions.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m doing fine thanks \u2013 keeping busy! And we\u2019re off to Wales next month for a break. How are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re not together anymore, but I\u2019m fine. How are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy husband and I separated last year. I\u2019m enjoying my freedom right now!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Distraction is always a useful way to divert the conversation to safer topics. Talk about the flowers, the colour scheme, the mother-of-the-bride\u2019s hat \u2013 whatever lightweight wedding topic springs to mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n And keep questions at bay by firing off lots of your own:<\/p>\n \u201cHow are things with you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAny holidays planned?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow are the children doing, they must be so big now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you see on the news about that dog who found her way home from Brighton?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing over summer?\u201d<\/p>\n Did your invite come with a plus one? Use it \u2013 bring a new beau, a friend, whoever will help you have a good time. No plus one? That\u2019s not a problem. Make a plan with friends in advance. Can you share an airbnb or travel together? If you know you\u2019re going to be seated next to trusted people during the service and meal it makes life a lot easier.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Are you going to a wedding where you don\u2019t know many people well? In that case, deploy all the performance tricks above. And see it as an opportunity to play at being someone else for a while. One important tip though\u2026<\/p>\n Weddings can be a great time to let your hair down. And the free-flowing booze may look attractive, especially if you\u2019re feeling self-conscious. But keep an eye on how many glasses of fizz you take on board.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Alcohol lowers inhibitions, is a depressant and in general, too much of it at a wedding is likely to leave you doing and saying things you\u2019ll regret. So have fun, but go steady. You don\u2019t want to be the thing everyone remembers about your first wedding after divorce<\/p>\n If your ex is also invited all of these points go double! Try and keep your distance as much as possible. If you do end up next to each other (and hopefully no wedding organiser would be so cruel as to seat you on the same table\u2026 so it can be fleeting) stick to pleasantries and move on. It goes without saying that this isn\u2019t the time to get into any big or emotional conversations.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t worry, lots of people cry at weddings, for all sorts of reasons! You don\u2019t need to feel self-conscious. If you know you\u2019re the crying type (and even if you\u2019re not, best be prepared just in case) make sure you have tissues and fresh eye makeup in your bag.<\/p>\n If people try to draw you into a conversation about it you can always blame the tears on how happy you are for the couple. There\u2019s no need to talk about your own circumstances. And if you do need a proper sob with a good friend, go somewhere private to get it out of your system, reapply the makeup then come back with a big smile.<\/p>\n \u2026and that\u2019s a good thing. You\u2019re not the centre of attention. Most of the guests probably don\u2019t even know who you are. So as self-conscious as you might be feeling remember that all eyes are not on you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n And as much as it might remind you of your own wedding, that\u2019s not why you\u2019re here. You\u2019re here for the happy couple. Focus on them and try to set aside any sadness or cynicism. Someone else has invited you to their party. So just do you, batting off any awkward conversations with your stock responses. And enjoy the party like any other \u2013 get on the dance floor, eat the crudit\u00e9s, escape to the loos for a bit of quiet.<\/p>\n If it does all become too much, it\u2019s ok to leave. You\u2019re a grown woman, you don\u2019t need permission! Thank the happy couple for inviting you, say you need to head off (blame a migraine, the children, a burglar alarm if you need to) and go. You\u2019re in charge of you and no decent friend or family member would want you to stay if it was making you miserable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Plan in some time to recover \u2013 and not just from the hangover! Getting through your first wedding after divorce can be a big deal. Congratulate yourself for having done it. Use your journal to process your feelings. Debrief with your bestie. Do something nourishing for you the next day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Over in The Absolute Academy it\u2019s not just about the divorce legalities. It\u2019s about real life. It\u2019s about how to navigate the ups and downs of managing home, work, children, and your first wedding once you\u2019ve separated. And that includes how to survive your first wedding after divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n About Emma<\/b><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How to survive your first wedding after divorce The \u2018firsts\u2019 after separation or divorce are always going to feel poignant and painful. First Christmas, first holiday, first anniversary\u2026 and the first wedding has lots of scope to push your buttons. But unless you decide to boycott weddings for the rest of your life this is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" The \u2018firsts\u2019 after separation or divorce are always going to feel poignant and painful. First Christmas, first holiday, first anniversary\u2026 and the first wedding has lots of scope to push your buttons. But unless you decide to boycott weddings for the rest of your life this is an event you\u2019ll have to deal with. So let\u2019s look at how to survive your first wedding after divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> How to survive your first wedding after divorce<\/em> is all about preparation. If you\u2019ve not been in a romantic headspace lately (and who can blame you?) all the wedding bells and whistles might come as a bit of a culture shock. So take some time to desensitise. Maybe watch some films featuring weddings, or talk to friends about how the day\u2019s going to play out. Think back to some other weddings you\u2019ve been to in recent years. Just don\u2019t dwell on your own.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Remember the first time will be the hardest. But you only have to go to your first wedding post-divorce once. So there\u2019s no point putting it off \u2013 the more you build it up in your head, the bigger deal it will feel when you actually do go. That said, you know you best. If your first wedding invite is particularly triggering, maybe because of the people involved or the date, politely decline and send a gift instead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Wear something that makes you feel fabulous. It doesn\u2019t have to be a standout, red carpet outfit. It can be a tried and trusted combo. Just make sure it\u2019s something that feels like it\u2019s backing you up. Something that doesn\u2019t make you feel self-conscious or dowdy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> You\u2019re going to have to make small talk at some point, that goes with the wedding territory. So have some stock phrases up your sleeve. If you are seated next to acquaintances who know you\u2019re recently divorced you may well be subject to the \u201cHow are you doing dear?\u201d sort of questions, along with head tilted to one side of course. You may bump into people who didn\u2019t know about your separation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Or you may need to chat to people who don\u2019t know your circumstances and want to know why you don\u2019t have a dishy date on your sleeve. Either way, have a few stock phrases you can throw at them so you don\u2019t feel blindsided by questions.<\/p> \u201cI\u2019m doing fine thanks \u2013 keeping busy! And we\u2019re off to Wales next month for a break. How are you?\u201d<\/p> \u201cWe\u2019re not together anymore, but I\u2019m fine. How are you?\u201d<\/p> \u201cMy husband and I separated last year. I\u2019m enjoying my freedom right now!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Distraction is always a useful way to divert the conversation to safer topics. Talk about the flowers, the colour scheme, the mother-of-the-bride\u2019s hat \u2013 whatever lightweight wedding topic springs to mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> And keep questions at bay by firing off lots of your own:<\/p> \u201cHow are things with you?\u201d<\/p> \u201cAny holidays planned?\u201d<\/p> \u201cHow are the children doing, they must be so big now?\u201d<\/p> \u201cDid you see on the news about that dog who found her way home from Brighton?\u201d<\/p> \u201cWhat are you doing over summer?\u201d<\/p> Did your invite come with a plus one? Use it \u2013 bring a new beau, a friend, whoever will help you have a good time. No plus one? That\u2019s not a problem. Make a plan with friends in advance. Can you share an airbnb or travel together? If you know you\u2019re going to be seated next to trusted people during the service and meal it makes life a lot easier.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Are you going to a wedding where you don\u2019t know many people well? In that case, deploy all the performance tricks above. And see it as an opportunity to play at being someone else for a while. One important tip though\u2026<\/p> Weddings can be a great time to let your hair down. And the free-flowing booze may look attractive, especially if you\u2019re feeling self-conscious. But keep an eye on how many glasses of fizz you take on board.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Alcohol lowers inhibitions, is a depressant and in general, too much of it at a wedding is likely to leave you doing and saying things you\u2019ll regret. So have fun, but go steady. You don\u2019t want to be the thing everyone remembers about your first wedding after divorce<\/p> If your ex is also invited all of these points go double! Try and keep your distance as much as possible. If you do end up next to each other (and hopefully no wedding organiser would be so cruel as to seat you on the same table\u2026 so it can be fleeting) stick to pleasantries and move on. It goes without saying that this isn\u2019t the time to get into any big or emotional conversations.<\/p> Don\u2019t worry, lots of people cry at weddings, for all sorts of reasons! You don\u2019t need to feel self-conscious. If you know you\u2019re the crying type (and even if you\u2019re not, best be prepared just in case) make sure you have tissues and fresh eye makeup in your bag.<\/p> If people try to draw you into a conversation about it you can always blame the tears on how happy you are for the couple. There\u2019s no need to talk about your own circumstances. And if you do need a proper sob with a good friend, go somewhere private to get it out of your system, reapply the makeup then come back with a big smile.<\/p> \u2026and that\u2019s a good thing. You\u2019re not the centre of attention. Most of the guests probably don\u2019t even know who you are. So as self-conscious as you might be feeling remember that all eyes are not on you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> And as much as it might remind you of your own wedding, that\u2019s not why you\u2019re here. You\u2019re here for the happy couple. Focus on them and try to set aside any sadness or cynicism. Someone else has invited you to their party. So just do you, batting off any awkward conversations with your stock responses. And enjoy the party like any other \u2013 get on the dance floor, eat the crudit\u00e9s, escape to the loos for a bit of quiet.<\/p> If it does all become too much, it\u2019s ok to leave. You\u2019re a grown woman, you don\u2019t need permission! Thank the happy couple for inviting you, say you need to head off (blame a migraine, the children, a burglar alarm if you need to) and go. You\u2019re in charge of you and no decent friend or family member would want you to stay if it was making you miserable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Plan in some time to recover \u2013 and not just from the hangover! Getting through your first wedding after divorce can be a big deal. Congratulate yourself for having done it. Use your journal to process your feelings. Debrief with your bestie. Do something nourishing for you the next day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Over in The Absolute Academy it\u2019s not just about the divorce legalities. It\u2019s about real life. It\u2019s about how to navigate the ups and downs of managing home, work, children, and your first wedding once you\u2019ve separated. And that includes how to survive your first wedding after divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> About Emma<\/b><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,397,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-divorce-self-care","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Copy-of-Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-7.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4eh","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16261"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16261\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Prepare mentally<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Prepare your performance<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Have allies to hand<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Watch the booze intake!<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>If your ex is there<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>If you cry<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>It\u2019s not your wedding\u2026<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Recover<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Chat with people who get it<\/span><\/h2>\n
How to survive your first wedding after divorce<\/h1>
Prepare mentally<\/h2>
Prepare your performance<\/h2>
Have allies to hand<\/h2>
Watch the booze intake!<\/h2>
If your ex is there<\/h2>
If you cry<\/h2>
It\u2019s not your wedding\u2026<\/h2>
Recover<\/h2>
Chat with people who get it<\/h2>