[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re going through the divorce process, dating might be the furthest thing from your mind. Or it might be seriously tempting! Either way, there\u2019s no judgement from me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Your divorce journey is unique to you, as is your decision about dating. If you are considering getting out on the dating scene, though, there are plenty of legal and emotional implications to consider. So here you have the ultimate guide to dating during divorce.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s look at the legal implications first.<\/p>\n Your dating activity could be classed as adultery as defined as \u2018a husband or wife having sexual intercourse with someone else of the opposite sex\u2019. (That\u2019s right \u2013 you can\u2019t legally commit adultery in a same sex marriage or civil partnership!).<\/p>\n What are the implications? Well, it means your soon-to-be-ex-husband could cite adultery as the grounds for divorce. Does this mean you will be penalised by the courts for being the adulterer? No. The court does not serve moral judgement on the parties petitioning to divorce.<\/p>\n But there may be financial implications for other reasons \u2013 read on\u2026<\/p>\n If you enter into a stable relationship with someone else the court will want to know whether you co-habit or intend to co-habit. Even if you don\u2019t co-habit but a regularly a part of each other\u2019s households, this may have an impact on any spousal maintenance arrangements and financial settlements.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Your new partner\u2019s financial circumstances will be taken into account by a judge, as they relate to your financial needs. For example, if you move in with a new partner and share living costs, the court may consider your needs less than if you were managing those costs alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Don\u2019t be tempted to hide information from the court \u2013 it may result in penalties, and in the disclosure process being repeated, which raises the cost in time and money for everyone. But you may want to delay taking a fledgling relationship to a more serious level until your divorce is settled.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now let\u2019s look at the emotional considerations.<\/p>\n You might find solicitors advise you to steer clear of dating entirely while your divorce is processed. But, with many divorces taking years, is that realistic for you? Dating can bring an injection of fun and confidence into your life, if done on your terms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So I\u2019m not here to judge you if you want to hit the dating scene. But it is important to make sure you\u2019re emotionally ready.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If you are still in the midst of grief or anger about your marriage, wait awhile before dipping your toe in the water. You want your new dating adventure to be about your present and your future, not your past. So make sure you\u2019re not spending all your time processing what\u2019s happened in your marriage.<\/p>\n It might be tempting to run headlong into a new serious relationship, but aim to keep it fun and light hearted. As we\u2019ve seen, there are financial implications if you enter a stable relationship with another before your divorce is finalised.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps even more importantly, divorce is a stressful time. Time you need to take for yourself. Dating can either bring you fun, energy and confidence, or it can take it away. So make sure you don\u2019t head for more emotional heartache while you\u2019re feeling vulnerable.<\/p>\n Before you put yourself out there, whether via dating apps, your friends or simply at the pub, think about how to stay safe. When I talk about safety I mean physically and emotionally. Stay in control of your decision-making and only agree to plans you\u2019re entirely comfortable with.<\/p>\n Be wary of giving away too much personal information at once. Suggest meeting in a busy place, with an exit plan if needed. And let a trusted friend know what you\u2019re up to. You can find more dating safety tips here<\/span>.<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Remember, you don\u2019t owe anyone anything on your date. You don\u2019t owe them good conversation, sex, information \u2013 anything. So, if you feel off about someone, make your goodbyes and leave.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As you get to know your date, watch out for red flags. These might be them talking about their own ex-partner relentlessly (potentially a sign they haven\u2019t moved on, or are obsessional). They might press you to get too serious too soon \u2013 remember you are in control. If they\u2019re laying it on think after day one, it might indicate neediness, or the sort of \u2018love bombing\u2019 that narcissistic personality types employ to gain control of a relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Trust your gut. Remember, the main relationship you\u2019re developing thorough your dating adventures is with yourself. Every date you go on will teach you more about what fun feels like to you, the sort of person you like to be with, who lifts you and who brings you down. So don\u2019t worry if your dates flop. They\u2019re not failures at all \u2013 they\u2019re valuable lessons in being you again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Just as it\u2019s a red flag if your date is constantly talking about their ex, make sure you don\u2019t focus on yours. Yes, divorce is a major part of your life right now. But it doesn\u2019t need to be the centre of every interaction you have, especially with a potential new beau. So be honest about your circumstances, but don\u2019t let divorce dominate. And don\u2019t use your new date as your main processing partner for all the trials and tribulations your soon-to-be-ex and the divorce process are putting you through. Keep things light.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Breaking the news you\u2019re seeing someone else can be like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship with your ex-spouse. But there are ways to minimise the damage.<\/p>\n Make sure you tell them yourself. It makes sense to know that your new relationship has legs before you break the news, otherwise you could stir up trouble for no reason. But don\u2019t leave it so long that your ex-spouse hears it on the grapevine. That\u2019s only going to lead to more resentment and bad feeling.<\/p>\n Keep calm and cool. You don\u2019t want to rub salt into the wounds with your overwhelming joy and happiness \u2013 it won\u2019t do your divorce any favours. But neither do you need to be the person who\u2019s there for them as they process the news. It\u2019s likely your ex-spouse will be shaken. And while you don\u2019t want to make things worse, you don\u2019t have to be the one to help pick up the pieces either.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Just as we\u2019ve seen how it\u2019s important to keep your date out of your divorce, ensure that any divorce communication you have with your soon-to-be-ex doesn\u2019t include your new partner either. Keep them separate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Introducing your children to a new partner can be one of the most emotive aspects of divorced life. It\u2019s wise to wait until you\u2019re confident that your new partner is here to stay \u2013 if not for good, then at least for a good while.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Tell your children while you\u2019re alone. Don\u2019t have your new partner with you at that first meeting. This gives your children more space to respond honestly \u2013 which might include some difficult emotions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Just as when you told your children you were separating, reassure them that this new relationship doesn\u2019t change anything about how much you love them. Let them know that this new person will become more a part of your life, but that you\u2019ll always be there for the children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Answer any questions as honestly as possible \u2013 that includes admitting when you don\u2019t know the answer! If you have plans to co-habit, make sure your children are as involved as is age-appropriate. CBBC has a children\u2019s drama called Millie In-between<\/span><\/a> that might be helpful viewing for older children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Once the news is out that you\u2019re divorcing it can feel like you\u2019re public property, with everyone having an opinion. That goes double when a new partner\u2019s in the mix!<\/p>\n Remember that your true friends will stick with your thorough thick and thin. That doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll instantly like your new partner, but they won\u2019t throw you to the wolves for dating before your divorce is finalised.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As a side note, if everyone around you hates your new beau, just take a moment to consider why. It might be that you\u2019re so in the throes of passion and excitement that you haven\u2019t spotted you\u2019ve got a narcissist or other suspicious character on your hands.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If you are unfortunate enough to have judgey friends, stay away from them! Whatever they might think about your dates, you want your friends to stand by YOU.<\/p>\n Come and join us in The Absolute Academy!<\/span><\/a> We won\u2019t judge you for any dating escapades, whenever you have them. And if dating\u2019s the furthest thing from your mind we won\u2019t judge you for that either!<\/p>\n The sole focus of all the women in The Absolute Academy is getting divorce done their way. Not their soon-too-be-ex\u2019s way. Not their solicitor\u2019s way. Not my way, even! You\u2019ll get all the support, legal information, advice, resources and courage you need to see your divorce through and live life on your terms again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Come and join us here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n About Emma<\/b><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Ultimate Guide To Dating During Divorce If you\u2019re going through the divorce process, dating might be the furthest thing from your mind. Or it might be seriously tempting! Either way, there\u2019s no judgement from me.\u00a0 Your divorce journey is unique to you, as is your decision about dating. If you are considering getting out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16267,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" If you\u2019re going through the divorce process, dating might be the furthest thing from your mind. Or it might be seriously tempting! Either way, there\u2019s no judgement from me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Your divorce journey is unique to you, as is your decision about dating. If you are considering getting out on the dating scene, though, there are plenty of legal and emotional implications to consider. So here you have the ultimate guide to dating during divorce.<\/p> Let\u2019s look at the legal implications first.<\/p> Your dating activity could be classed as adultery as defined as \u2018a husband or wife having sexual intercourse with someone else of the opposite sex\u2019. (That\u2019s right \u2013 you can\u2019t legally commit adultery in a same sex marriage or civil partnership!).<\/p> What are the implications? Well, it means your soon-to-be-ex-husband could cite adultery as the grounds for divorce. Does this mean you will be penalised by the courts for being the adulterer? No. The court does not serve moral judgement on the parties petitioning to divorce.<\/p> But there may be financial implications for other reasons \u2013 read on\u2026<\/p> If you enter into a stable relationship with someone else the court will want to know whether you co-habit or intend to co-habit. Even if you don\u2019t co-habit but a regularly a part of each other\u2019s households, this may have an impact on any spousal maintenance arrangements and financial settlements.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Your new partner\u2019s financial circumstances will be taken into account by a judge, as they relate to your financial needs. For example, if you move in with a new partner and share living costs, the court may consider your needs less than if you were managing those costs alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Don\u2019t be tempted to hide information from the court \u2013 it may result in penalties, and in the disclosure process being repeated, which raises the cost in time and money for everyone. But you may want to delay taking a fledgling relationship to a more serious level until your divorce is settled.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Now let\u2019s look at the emotional considerations.<\/p> You might find solicitors advise you to steer clear of dating entirely while your divorce is processed. But, with many divorces taking years, is that realistic for you? Dating can bring an injection of fun and confidence into your life, if done on your terms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> So I\u2019m not here to judge you if you want to hit the dating scene. But it is important to make sure you\u2019re emotionally ready.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> If you are still in the midst of grief or anger about your marriage, wait awhile before dipping your toe in the water. You want your new dating adventure to be about your present and your future, not your past. So make sure you\u2019re not spending all your time processing what\u2019s happened in your marriage.<\/p> It might be tempting to run headlong into a new serious relationship, but aim to keep it fun and light hearted. As we\u2019ve seen, there are financial implications if you enter a stable relationship with another before your divorce is finalised.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Perhaps even more importantly, divorce is a stressful time. Time you need to take for yourself. Dating can either bring you fun, energy and confidence, or it can take it away. So make sure you don\u2019t head for more emotional heartache while you\u2019re feeling vulnerable.<\/p> Before you put yourself out there, whether via dating apps, your friends or simply at the pub, think about how to stay safe. When I talk about safety I mean physically and emotionally. Stay in control of your decision-making and only agree to plans you\u2019re entirely comfortable with.<\/p> Be wary of giving away too much personal information at once. Suggest meeting in a busy place, with an exit plan if needed. And let a trusted friend know what you\u2019re up to. You can find more dating safety tips here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Remember, you don\u2019t owe anyone anything on your date. You don\u2019t owe them good conversation, sex, information \u2013 anything. So, if you feel off about someone, make your goodbyes and leave.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> As you get to know your date, watch out for red flags. These might be them talking about their own ex-partner relentlessly (potentially a sign they haven\u2019t moved on, or are obsessional). They might press you to get too serious too soon \u2013 remember you are in control. If they\u2019re laying it on think after day one, it might indicate neediness, or the sort of \u2018love bombing\u2019 that narcissistic personality types employ to gain control of a relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Trust your gut. Remember, the main relationship you\u2019re developing thorough your dating adventures is with yourself. Every date you go on will teach you more about what fun feels like to you, the sort of person you like to be with, who lifts you and who brings you down. So don\u2019t worry if your dates flop. They\u2019re not failures at all \u2013 they\u2019re valuable lessons in being you again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Just as it\u2019s a red flag if your date is constantly talking about their ex, make sure you don\u2019t focus on yours. Yes, divorce is a major part of your life right now. But it doesn\u2019t need to be the centre of every interaction you have, especially with a potential new beau. So be honest about your circumstances, but don\u2019t let divorce dominate. And don\u2019t use your new date as your main processing partner for all the trials and tribulations your soon-to-be-ex and the divorce process are putting you through. Keep things light.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Breaking the news you\u2019re seeing someone else can be like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship with your ex-spouse. But there are ways to minimise the damage.<\/p> Make sure you tell them yourself. It makes sense to know that your new relationship has legs before you break the news, otherwise you could stir up trouble for no reason. But don\u2019t leave it so long that your ex-spouse hears it on the grapevine. That\u2019s only going to lead to more resentment and bad feeling.<\/p> Keep calm and cool. You don\u2019t want to rub salt into the wounds with your overwhelming joy and happiness \u2013 it won\u2019t do your divorce any favours. But neither do you need to be the person who\u2019s there for them as they process the news. It\u2019s likely your ex-spouse will be shaken. And while you don\u2019t want to make things worse, you don\u2019t have to be the one to help pick up the pieces either.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Just as we\u2019ve seen how it\u2019s important to keep your date out of your divorce, ensure that any divorce communication you have with your soon-to-be-ex doesn\u2019t include your new partner either. Keep them separate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Introducing your children to a new partner can be one of the most emotive aspects of divorced life. It\u2019s wise to wait until you\u2019re confident that your new partner is here to stay \u2013 if not for good, then at least for a good while.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Tell your children while you\u2019re alone. Don\u2019t have your new partner with you at that first meeting. This gives your children more space to respond honestly \u2013 which might include some difficult emotions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Just as when you told your children you were separating, reassure them that this new relationship doesn\u2019t change anything about how much you love them. Let them know that this new person will become more a part of your life, but that you\u2019ll always be there for the children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Answer any questions as honestly as possible \u2013 that includes admitting when you don\u2019t know the answer! If you have plans to co-habit, make sure your children are as involved as is age-appropriate. CBBC has a children\u2019s drama called Millie In-between<\/span><\/a> that might be helpful viewing for older children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Once the news is out that you\u2019re divorcing it can feel like you\u2019re public property, with everyone having an opinion. That goes double when a new partner\u2019s in the mix!<\/p> Remember that your true friends will stick with your thorough thick and thin. That doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll instantly like your new partner, but they won\u2019t throw you to the wolves for dating before your divorce is finalised.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> As a side note, if everyone around you hates your new beau, just take a moment to consider why. It might be that you\u2019re so in the throes of passion and excitement that you haven\u2019t spotted you\u2019ve got a narcissist or other suspicious character on your hands.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> If you are unfortunate enough to have judgey friends, stay away from them! Whatever they might think about your dates, you want your friends to stand by YOU.<\/p> Come and join us in The Absolute Academy!<\/span><\/a> We won\u2019t judge you for any dating escapades, whenever you have them. And if dating\u2019s the furthest thing from your mind we won\u2019t judge you for that either!<\/p> The sole focus of all the women in The Absolute Academy is getting divorce done their way. Not their soon-too-be-ex\u2019s way. Not their solicitor\u2019s way. Not my way, even! You\u2019ll get all the support, legal information, advice, resources and courage you need to see your divorce through and live life on your terms again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> Come and join us here<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p> About Emma<\/b><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,397],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-divorce-self-care"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Copy-of-Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-8.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4ei","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16262","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16262"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16262\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16262"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16262"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16262"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>The grounds for divorce<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>It may affect financial disclosure<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Make sure you\u2019re emotionally ready<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Keep it light<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Put boundaries in place<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Watch out for red flags<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Keep your date and your divorce separate<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Let your ex-spouse know tactfully<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>If you have children<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Judge and jury<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Need a circle you can trust?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
The Ultimate Guide To Dating During Divorce<\/h1>
New grounds for divorce<\/h2>
It may affect financial disclosure<\/h2>
Make sure you\u2019re emotionally ready<\/h2>
Keep it light<\/h2>
Put boundaries in place<\/h2>
Watch out for red flags<\/h2>
Keep your date and your divorce separate<\/h2>
Let your ex-spouse know tactfully<\/h2>
If you have children<\/h2>
Judge and jury<\/h2>
Need a circle you can trust?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>