{"id":16310,"date":"2021-08-08T12:43:54","date_gmt":"2021-08-08T11:43:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=16310"},"modified":"2025-11-18T12:58:01","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T12:58:01","slug":"what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/","title":{"rendered":"What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like?\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; text_font_size=&#8221;16px&#8221; header_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#c5b2b1&#8243; header_2_text_align=&#8221;justify&#8221; header_2_text_color=&#8221;#c984a4&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<h1>What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like?<\/h1>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\"> Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#who_are_you_now\">Who are you now?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#what_do_you_care_about\">What do you care about?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#whats_possible\">What\u2019s possible?\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#dont_hold_yourself_back_join_the_absolute_academy\">Don\u2019t hold yourself back: join The Absolute Academy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#about_emma\">About Emma<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\nDivorce is not just about endings. It\u2019s also about new beginnings. And, most importantly, it\u2019s about a new start for you. So when I ask \u2018What does post-divorce you look like?\u2019 I\u2019m not talking about whether you get highlights put in, or embark on a new fitness regime (though feel free if those things sound good to you!).<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m talking about how you\u2019ll focus on yourself during and after divorce. How you\u2019ll reconnect to the real you &#8211; the one no longer smothered by an unhealthy marriage. I\u2019m talking about what that person is and how to find her. September\u2019s a great start for new ventures. It\u2019s the alternative new year &#8211; one with better weather and when we\u2019re not ground down by winter! So if you\u2019ve not given your future much thought, now is a fantastic time to get the cogs turning.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <em>What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like?<\/em> I\u2019ll talk you through how to get back in touch with what really matters to you. Then how to make a plan to make \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 a reality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"who_are_you_now\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who are you now?<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before looking to the future, let\u2019s pause a moment to take stock. How are you feeling right now? Who are you right now?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever else is going on, by taking on the divorce process you are a woman who is taking herself and her life seriously. And you should be proud of yourself for that. Let it be the catalyst for more positive change in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many of my clients tell me they lost themselves in marriage. They got so caught up in other people\u2019s needs and expectations that they lost touch with what makes them feel alive. They didn\u2019t have time for their own hobbies, skills development and interests, and over time they forget who they are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does this sound like you? Don\u2019t worry. It\u2019s perfectly possible to reconnect with your sparky, unique self. And now is a fantastic time to do it. Divorce finances might mean you need to consider your skills set and get new qualifications anyway. And if they don\u2019t, developing a new skill or taking on a new project is a powerful way to mark this next phase in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"what_do_you_care_about\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you care about?<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might be fired up about the future and ready to throw yourself into a new course, class or hobby. Stop for a second. You have an amazing opportunity here. A time in your life when you can really focus on your own wants and needs. When you can think about the person you are now &#8211; not the one deflated by marriage, or perhaps the naive, eager-to-please fiancee.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So before jumping into something new, spend some time with yourself. Post-divorce you can take time to evolve. Take the time to think about what really matters to you now. The best way to do this is to start with your values.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than goals, which can be ticked off a list, values are ways of being &#8211; they guide how you live your life. So your goal might be to \u2018get a job in an animal charity\u2019 and your value might be \u2018help the natural world\u2019. Whenever you\u2019re thinking about your future, starting with values gives you a solid base. It means whatever specific course of action you go for, you can be sure it\u2019s something you\u2019ll find meaningful and relevant.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So many people do this the wrong way around &#8211; they come up with a list of goals first. And then they realise they\u2019ve put their ladder up the wrong wall. They may succeed in achieving their goal, but it doesn\u2019t bring them the meaning or satisfaction they\u2019d hoped for because it\u2019s not really aligned with their values. Usually people\u2019s goals are based on learned definitions of success, or other people\u2019s expectations, or wanting to make a statement to the world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The best way to make a statement is to be yourself. And the best way to be yourself is to be true to your values.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sort card exercises are a great way to explore your values. You can find <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.think2perform.com\/our-approach\/values\/new\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">free versions, like this one, online<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They help you focus on the ways of being that matter most to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"whats_possible\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What\u2019s possible?\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you understand your values, you can start to explore options. Let\u2019s say one of your main values is to \u2018help others\u2019. You can then start to look at how to make that reality &#8211; whether it\u2019s through looking for training, volunteering or work. This might seem a daunting task but there are filters you can use to narrow down your options to ones that suit you. Post-divorce you can be who you choose. Ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does it play to your strengths? A strength is something you can do well (even if you might need training to improve) <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">something that gives you energy rather than drains it. So you might be great at attention to detail &#8211; but data entry into a spreadsheet drains you, whereas complicated baking projects light you up<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Will it give you what you need? If you need new skills to support a career change or reboot, make sure you\u2019re choosing something that will give you the training you need. If you\u2019re choosing it just for pleasure, make sure that it involves the sorts of things you\u2019ll find rewarding.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you afford it right now? Some training options may be expensive. If you can\u2019t afford it right now, but you decide it\u2019s right for you, all is not lost. Use the time to gain related experience as you save or explore funding options.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have the time needed? Many training courses are delivered flexibly and online, so there are fewer access barriers. Take a look around to see if there\u2019s an option that works for you. For many women, doing training in modules or chunks can make them more accessible than, say, signing up for a 12-month course. When considering work options, make sure any new job works with the lifestyle you want or need for yourself and your family.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"dont_hold_yourself_back_join_the_absolute_academy\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t hold yourself back: join The Absolute Academy<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Women are great at imposter syndrome, and talking ourselves out of new opportunities. Don\u2019t be that person! Remember that divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences you can have. And you are handling it. You are using and developing skills you didn\u2019t realise you had. So you can handle whatever else the world throws at you too. If you are feeling scared but excited by an opportunity you\u2019ve found, that feeling is telling you to go for it!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s easier if you know people have your back. That\u2019s why I set up <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-absolute-academy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It\u2019s so much more than a place to learn how to make smart decisions about divorce (though you will, and may well save thousands in legal fees). It\u2019s also a place to be totally yourself. To share your fears and hopes. To have a community of women cheering you on. You&#8217;ll also have my coaching expertise on hand as well as my legal experience.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every week in there we see women sharing how they\u2019ve embarked on retraining, ticked something off their bucket list, or gone for (and got) that promotion. That\u2019s because they\u2019ve learned they need to put themselves first and focus on what\u2019s important. Both now and in the future. Their divorces don\u2019t define them but they have helped them grow and become even stronger. Post-divorce you can be the same.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would love for you to join us. You can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-absolute-academy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">read all about it here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And if you have any questions, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/contact\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">just ask, I\u2019m happy to help<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"about_emma\"><\/span>About Emma<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\"><b>Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/gb\/podcast\/the-six-minute-divorce-podcast-with-emma-heptonstall\/id1547792197\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like? &nbsp; <div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\"> Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#who_are_you_now\" >Who are you now?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#what_do_you_care_about\" >What do you care about?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#whats_possible\" >What\u2019s possible?\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#dont_hold_yourself_back_join_the_absolute_academy\" >Don\u2019t hold yourself back: join The Absolute Academy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-does-post-divorce-you-look-like\/#about_emma\" >About Emma<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\nDivorce is not just about endings. It\u2019s also about new beginnings. And, most importantly, it\u2019s about a new start for you. So when I ask \u2018What does post-divorce you look like?\u2019 I\u2019m not talking about whether you get highlights put in, or embark on a new fitness regime [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":17669,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<h1>What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like?<\/h1><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce is not just about endings. It\u2019s also about new beginnings. And, most importantly, it\u2019s about a new start for you. So when I ask \u2018What does post-divorce you look like?\u2019 I\u2019m not talking about whether you get highlights put in, or embark on a new fitness regime (though feel free if those things sound good to you!).<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m talking about how you\u2019ll focus on yourself during and after divorce. How you\u2019ll reconnect to the real you - the one no longer smothered by an unhealthy marriage. I\u2019m talking about what that person is and how to find her. September\u2019s a great start for new ventures. It\u2019s the alternative new year - one with better weather and when we\u2019re not ground down by winter! So if you\u2019ve not given your future much thought, now is a fantastic time to get the cogs turning.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In <em>What does \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 look like?<\/em> I\u2019ll talk you through how to get back in touch with what really matters to you. Then how to make a plan to make \u2018post-divorce you\u2019 a reality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who are you now?<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before looking to the future, let\u2019s pause a moment to take stock. How are you feeling right now? Who are you right now?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever else is going on, by taking on the divorce process you are a woman who is taking herself and her life seriously. And you should be proud of yourself for that. Let it be the catalyst for more positive change in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many of my clients tell me they lost themselves in marriage. They got so caught up in other people\u2019s needs and expectations that they lost touch with what makes them feel alive. They didn\u2019t have time for their own hobbies, skills development and interests, and over time they forget who they are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does this sound like you? Don\u2019t worry. It\u2019s perfectly possible to reconnect with your sparky, unique self. And now is a fantastic time to do it. Divorce finances might mean you need to consider your skills set and get new qualifications anyway. And if they don\u2019t, developing a new skill or taking on a new project is a powerful way to mark this next phase in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you care about?<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might be fired up about the future and ready to throw yourself into a new course, class or hobby. Stop for a second. You have an amazing opportunity here. A time in your life when you can really focus on your own wants and needs. When you can think about the person you are now - not the one deflated by marriage, or perhaps the naive, eager-to-please fiancee.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So before jumping into something new, spend some time with yourself. Post-divorce you can take time to evolve. Take the time to think about what really matters to you now. The best way to do this is to start with your values.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than goals, which can be ticked off a list, values are ways of being - they guide how you live your life. So your goal might be to \u2018get a job in an animal charity\u2019 and your value might be \u2018help the natural world\u2019. Whenever you\u2019re thinking about your future, starting with values gives you a solid base. It means whatever specific course of action you go for, you can be sure it\u2019s something you\u2019ll find meaningful and relevant.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So many people do this the wrong way around - they come up with a list of goals first. And then they realise they\u2019ve put their ladder up the wrong wall. They may succeed in achieving their goal, but it doesn\u2019t bring them the meaning or satisfaction they\u2019d hoped for because it\u2019s not really aligned with their values. Usually people\u2019s goals are based on learned definitions of success, or other people\u2019s expectations, or wanting to make a statement to the world.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The best way to make a statement is to be yourself. And the best way to be yourself is to be true to your values.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sort card exercises are a great way to explore your values. You can find <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.think2perform.com\/our-approach\/values\/new\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">free versions, like this one, online<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They help you focus on the ways of being that matter most to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What\u2019s possible?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you understand your values, you can start to explore options. Let\u2019s say one of your main values is to \u2018help others\u2019. You can then start to look at how to make that reality - whether it\u2019s through looking for training, volunteering or work. This might seem a daunting task but there are filters you can use to narrow down your options to ones that suit you. Post-divorce you can be who you choose. Ask yourself:<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does it play to your strengths? A strength is something you can do well (even if you might need training to improve) <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">something that gives you energy rather than drains it. So you might be great at attention to detail - but data entry into a spreadsheet drains you, whereas complicated baking projects light you up<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Will it give you what you need? If you need new skills to support a career change or reboot, make sure you\u2019re choosing something that will give you the training you need. If you\u2019re choosing it just for pleasure, make sure that it involves the sorts of things you\u2019ll find rewarding.\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you afford it right now? Some training options may be expensive. If you can\u2019t afford it right now, but you decide it\u2019s right for you, all is not lost. Use the time to gain related experience as you save or explore funding options.<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have the time needed? Many training courses are delivered flexibly and online, so there are fewer access barriers. Take a look around to see if there\u2019s an option that works for you. For many women, doing training in modules or chunks can make them more accessible than, say, signing up for a 12-month course. When considering work options, make sure any new job works with the lifestyle you want or need for yourself and your family.\u00a0<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t hold yourself back: join The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Women are great at imposter syndrome, and talking ourselves out of new opportunities. Don\u2019t be that person! Remember that divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences you can have. And you are handling it. You are using and developing skills you didn\u2019t realise you had. So you can handle whatever else the world throws at you too. If you are feeling scared but excited by an opportunity you\u2019ve found, that feeling is telling you to go for it!\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s easier if you know people have your back. That\u2019s why I set up <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/club-d36-the-absolute-academy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It\u2019s so much more than a place to learn how to make smart decisions about divorce (though you will, and may well save thousands in legal fees). It\u2019s also a place to be totally yourself. To share your fears and hopes. To have a community of women cheering you on. You'll also have my coaching expertise on hand as well as my legal experience.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every week in there we see women sharing how they\u2019ve embarked on retraining, ticked something off their bucket list, or gone for (and got) that promotion. That\u2019s because they\u2019ve learned they need to put themselves first and focus on what\u2019s important. Both now and in the future. Their divorces don\u2019t define them but they have helped them grow and become even stronger. Post-divorce you can be the same.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would love for you to join us. You can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/club-d36-the-absolute-academy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">read all about it here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And if you have any questions, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/contact\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">just ask, I\u2019m happy to help<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2 class=\"p1\">About Emma<\/h2><p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\"><b>Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/gb\/podcast\/the-six-minute-divorce-podcast-with-emma-heptonstall\/id1547792197\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,1841],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-divorce-and-mental-health"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Copy-of-Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-12.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4f4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16310","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16310"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16310\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17669"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}