[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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We all have a money story. And, like it or not, that story will play out in your divorce. In this blog we\u2019ll look at what a money story is, how to identify yours, and how to change it for something more helpful if you need to. Let\u2019s get to grips with how to understand, and change, your divorce money story.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n First of all, let\u2019s look at what a money story actually is. Your money story is what you tell yourself about your relationship with money. And it\u2019s a sneaky thing, because until you stop to examine it, you probably take for granted your beliefs about money. You think they are the solid gold truth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Try it now. Either sit for a moment with your thoughts, or grab a pen and paper, and answer these questions:<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hopefully, after doing that, you will have a sense of your emotional relationship with money. So whether you\u2019re someone who answered:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m completely confident with money, I love being on top of everything\u201d or<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m completely out of my depth – my money situation is too complicated, even though I know there\u2019s plenty\u201d or<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m terrified, there\u2019s never enough to go around\u201d or…<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n …something completely different, at least now you can see the lens you view money through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n So you have a money story. Why does it matter? It matters because even though the story exists in your head (and may not actually be true) it will impact how you proceed with your divorce and finances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you have a positive story, one in which you can handle your money just fine, that will be the attitude you bring to your divorce discussions. You won\u2019t shy away from conversations or be intimidated by the Form E. You won\u2019t defer to your spouse\u2019s opinions or suggestions without proper consideration.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you have a negative money story, you will bring that to your divorce instead. You might do everything you can to avoid the discomfort of dealing with financial matters – which only makes things worse. You might leave all the financial arrangements up to your soon-to-be-ex, leaving you open to exploitation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you have an attitude that money has always been fine, it\u2019s not something you need to worry too much about, that can bring both positives and negatives to your divorce. On the one hand it\u2019s great that you\u2019re not getting stressed. Being overly anxious is not good for your health, and can impair your judgement. On the other hand, now is the time to give your finances some attention, even if you haven\u2019t before now. Divorce is a serious business and the financial arrangement you end up with will have a significant impact on your future.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Now\u2019s the time to take control of your money story. As we\u2019ve seen, a story is just a set of assumptions, thoughts and feelings that live in your head. But if you\u2019re not aware of its power, it can leak out into how you deal with money in the real world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you have a positive story – great. Use it. Remind yourself regularly that you can handle whatever financial issue that arises, both during your divorce and after.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you have a negative story, now\u2019s the time to rewire it. Whether you\u2019ve had a bad or passive relationship with money in the past, from now on you will need to be responsible for your finances. And while that seems daunting, it doesn\u2019t have to be.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The first thing to do is pause. Often negative stories are bound up with a feeling of anxiety and panic. Rather than react to that anxiety, just pause a moment and remind yourself it\u2019s just a story talking. Then you can choose how to respond.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n In practical terms that might look like:<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019re in a high conflict divorce it\u2019s likely that your ex-spouse has controlled you and your money in the past. They may have told you that you\u2019re no good with money and you need to leave it all for them to deal with. They may have controlled your access to money, leaving you to manage on very little.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n If this is the case for you, I have a surprise for you. Chances are you\u2019re actually great at managing money. If your controlling spouse only allowed you a limited budget and you managed – that\u2019s financial prowess right there. If you\u2019ve not had much experience of managing money, that doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re no good at it. You have no evidence of that. In fact, it means you have a clean slate to develop healthy habits now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n In a high conflict situation it\u2019s even more important that you seek external expertise rather than agree to your ex-spouse\u2019s financial plans. Make sure you get advice on your financial plans and ensure you complete the Form E so both you and your ex-spouse make full financial disclosure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It can be hard to change habits – especially when we have ingrained beliefs that we\u2019re no good at something. So, take small steps and be kind to yourself. Rather than think about the way you\u2019ve always done things, or the stories you\u2019ve told yourself in the past, be future focussed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n What do you want your future life to feel like? How do you want to see yourself? As a self-assured, confident woman who can handle what life throws at her? Then that\u2019s the story you can bring to life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Small steps can make such a big difference when we want to change our attitudes and behaviours. Keeping tabs on your spending via your phone or a notebook is a simple action. But it immediately gives you control. And it tells your brain that you\u2019re taking charge here. You\u2019re not hiding away from money worries, even if it feels a bit scary at the start.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s so much easier to face up to your fears and make changes when you have people supporting you. And that\u2019s what <\/span>The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a> is there to do. You get a Q&A with me every single week so you can ask anything you like – about money, or anything else. There are no stupid questions! You also get access to all my training and toolkits so you know you are doing the right things for your divorce in the right order.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n And on top of all that you get the other women in The Absolute Academy to share with and cheer you on. We have people right at the start of their divorce journey all the way through to those nearing the end. So whatever you\u2019re going through, the women in there will get it. They\u2019ll understand and they\u2019ll help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re ready to change your money story, and any other stories about divorce that are holding you back, <\/span>come and join us today<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How to understand, and change, your divorce money story We all have a money story. And, like it or not, that story will play out in your divorce. In this blog we\u2019ll look at what a money story is, how to identify yours, and how to change it for something more helpful if you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":17670,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" \u00a0<\/p> We all have a money story. And, like it or not, that story will play out in your divorce. In this blog we\u2019ll look at what a money story is, how to identify yours, and how to change it for something more helpful if you need to. Let\u2019s get to grips with how to understand, and change, your divorce money story.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> First of all, let\u2019s look at what a money story actually is. Your money story is what you tell yourself about your relationship with money. And it\u2019s a sneaky thing, because until you stop to examine it, you probably take for granted your beliefs about money. You think they are the solid gold truth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Try it now. Either sit for a moment with your thoughts, or grab a pen and paper, and answer these questions:<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Hopefully, after doing that, you will have a sense of your emotional relationship with money. So whether you\u2019re someone who answered:\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u201cI\u2019m completely confident with money, I love being on top of everything\u201d or<\/span><\/p> \u201cI\u2019m completely out of my depth - my money situation is too complicated, even though I know there\u2019s plenty\u201d or<\/span><\/p> \u201cI\u2019m terrified, there\u2019s never enough to go around\u201d or...<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> ...something completely different, at least now you can see the lens you view money through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> So you have a money story. Why does it matter? It matters because even though the story exists in your head (and may not actually be true) it will impact how you proceed with your divorce and finances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you have a positive story, one in which you can handle your money just fine, that will be the attitude you bring to your divorce discussions. You won\u2019t shy away from conversations or be intimidated by the Form E. You won\u2019t defer to your spouse\u2019s opinions or suggestions without proper consideration.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you have a negative money story, you will bring that to your divorce instead. You might do everything you can to avoid the discomfort of dealing with financial matters - which only makes things worse. You might leave all the financial arrangements up to your soon-to-be-ex, leaving you open to exploitation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you have an attitude that money has always been fine, it\u2019s not something you need to worry too much about, that can bring both positives and negatives to your divorce. On the one hand it\u2019s great that you\u2019re not getting stressed. Being overly anxious is not good for your health, and can impair your judgement. On the other hand, now is the time to give your finances some attention, even if you haven\u2019t before now. Divorce is a serious business and the financial arrangement you end up with will have a significant impact on your future.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Now\u2019s the time to take control of your money story. As we\u2019ve seen, a story is just a set of assumptions, thoughts and feelings that live in your head. But if you\u2019re not aware of its power, it can leak out into how you deal with money in the real world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you have a positive story - great. Use it. Remind yourself regularly that you can handle whatever financial issue that arises, both during your divorce and after.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you have a negative story, now\u2019s the time to rewire it. Whether you\u2019ve had a bad or passive relationship with money in the past, from now on you will need to be responsible for your finances. And while that seems daunting, it doesn\u2019t have to be.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> The first thing to do is pause. Often negative stories are bound up with a feeling of anxiety and panic. Rather than react to that anxiety, just pause a moment and remind yourself it\u2019s just a story talking. Then you can choose how to respond.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> In practical terms that might look like:<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If you\u2019re in a high conflict divorce it\u2019s likely that your ex-spouse has controlled you and your money in the past. They may have told you that you\u2019re no good with money and you need to leave it all for them to deal with. They may have controlled your access to money, leaving you to manage on very little.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> If this is the case for you, I have a surprise for you. Chances are you\u2019re actually great at managing money. If your controlling spouse only allowed you a limited budget and you managed - that\u2019s financial prowess right there. If you\u2019ve not had much experience of managing money, that doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re no good at it. You have no evidence of that. In fact, it means you have a clean slate to develop healthy habits now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> In a high conflict situation it\u2019s even more important that you seek external expertise rather than agree to your ex-spouse\u2019s financial plans. Make sure you get advice on your financial plans and ensure you complete the Form E so both you and your ex-spouse make full financial disclosure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It can be hard to change habits - especially when we have ingrained beliefs that we\u2019re no good at something. So, take small steps and be kind to yourself. Rather than think about the way you\u2019ve always done things, or the stories you\u2019ve told yourself in the past, be future focussed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> What do you want your future life to feel like? How do you want to see yourself? As a self-assured, confident woman who can handle what life throws at her? Then that\u2019s the story you can bring to life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Small steps can make such a big difference when we want to change our attitudes and behaviours. Keeping tabs on your spending via your phone or a notebook is a simple action. But it immediately gives you control. And it tells your brain that you\u2019re taking charge here. You\u2019re not hiding away from money worries, even if it feels a bit scary at the start.<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> It\u2019s so much easier to face up to your fears and make changes when you have people supporting you. And that\u2019s what <\/span>The Absolute Academy<\/span><\/a> is there to do. You get a Q&A with me every single week so you can ask anything you like - about money, or anything else. There are no stupid questions! You also get access to all my training and toolkits so you know you are doing the right things for your divorce in the right order.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> And on top of all that you get the other women in The Absolute Academy to share with and cheer you on. We have people right at the start of their divorce journey all the way through to those nearing the end. So whatever you\u2019re going through, the women in there will get it. They\u2019ll understand and they\u2019ll help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p> If you\u2019re ready to change your money story, and any other stories about divorce that are holding you back, <\/span>come and join us today<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[59],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-finances"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-49.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4fb","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16317"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16317\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>What is a money story?<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
<\/span>How does your divorce money story affect you?<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Time to take control<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
<\/span>If you\u2019ve had a high conflict partner<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Be future focussed<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Be kind to yourself\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n
How to understand, and change, your divorce money story<\/h2>
What is a money story?<\/span><\/h2>
How does your divorce money story affect you?<\/span><\/h2>
Time to take control<\/span><\/h2>
If you\u2019ve had a high conflict partner<\/span><\/h2>
Be future focussed<\/span><\/h2>
Be kind to yourself\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>
About Emma<\/h2>