{"id":17648,"date":"2021-10-03T14:48:29","date_gmt":"2021-10-03T13:48:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=16335"},"modified":"2025-11-18T11:36:38","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T11:36:38","slug":"the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"The cost of friendship in your high net worth divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\"> Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#cut_off_from_your_ex-spouses_circle\">Cut off from your ex-spouse\u2019s circle?\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#connect_with_yourself_first\">Connect with yourself first\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#a_question_of_trust\">A question of trust<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#learn_to_trust_yourself\">Learn to trust yourself\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#building_new_circles\">Building new circles<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#know_ive_got_your_back\">Know I\u2019ve got your back<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-cost-of-friendship-in-your-high-net-worth-divorce\/#about_emma\">About Emma<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\nIn any divorce, emotions run high. It\u2019s only natural &#8211; divorce signifies a huge change and a huge loss. Loss of your marriage, and all the associations you have with that. Potentially there\u2019s a financial loss too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In high net worth divorces often the focus is on finances. But the risk of loss in your high net worth divorce isn\u2019t just about money. You risk losing friendships and social networks too. In <\/span><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The cost of friendship in your high net worth divorce, <\/span><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">we consider the impact of changing friendships during your high net worth divorce. And we look at how to make new friends on your own terms too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"cut_off_from_your_ex-spouses_circle\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cut off from your ex-spouse\u2019s circle?\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your divorce goes public, reactions can be brutal. And that\u2019s especially true in high net worth cases, where reputational risks can be higher. You may find yourself cut out of your soon-to-be-ex\u2019s family and social circle before you\u2019ve had a chance to take a breath. You may even have PR machines working against you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is it fair? No. But it may happen regardless. And there may be little you can do to influence the thoughts and actions of others. It\u2019s up to you to decide whether you want to build bridges when they\u2019ve stepped away. Only you will know what\u2019s right based on your history and the personalities involved.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The one thing you do have some control over is your response. But before you respond, take a moment to pause. Take a moment to consider how you really feel about the people and the networks that have cut you out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"connect_with_yourself_first\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connect with yourself first\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spend some time on your own, grounding yourself in your breath. Then let your thoughts turn to any friends and family who have fallen away. Often our gut reaction to any rejection is to feel hurt or betrayed. To rail against the sense of injustice. But you are the most important person to listen to now. It doesn\u2019t matter what other people think. If, once you\u2019ve had a chance to recover from the blow, there\u2019s a voice inside you that\u2019s whispering \u201cphew\u201d about your newly liberated status, listen to it. Just because friends and networks held high status doesn\u2019t necessarily mean they were good for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is there a sense of genuine loss? If so, take time to grieve. Sadly, the end of your marriage will mean the end of other relationships too. Or a significant change in them. Perhaps you were fond of members of your soon-to-be-ex\u2019s family, and will no longer have the opportunity to be close to them. Or perhaps there were people in social or business networks that you liked, and are now locked out of. You will feel sadness and anger as you process the loss of these connections. Go with it. In time you will come to accept the loss, and will even find that it has created space for new people in your life. But you can\u2019t rush the grieving process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"a_question_of_trust\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A question of trust<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What about the people who stay? How do you know you can trust them? Who\u2019s staying for their own social or material gain and who is there because they really care about you?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These are questions that can be hard to answer, and I certainly can\u2019t answer them for you via a blog. There are no hard and fast rules to follow. But it is likely that you\u2019ll be able to trust the people you\u2019ve known for longer more than you can trust recent acquaintances. Especially people who knew you before your marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another question to ask yourself when considering whether you can trust someone is \u2018What do they gain from knowing me?\u2019 Has this person been there for you emotionally in the past, without asking anything in return? If so, they are more likely to be a trustworthy friend than someone who has leaned on you to open doors, or to provide financial help.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"learn_to_trust_yourself\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learn to trust yourself\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you embark on an audit of all your friends, family, acquaintances, and staff for trustworthiness, turn inwards. Trust starts with yourself first. Ultimately you are CEO of your own life, and your divorce too. That means you need to be able to rely on yourself and own your decisions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can be hard to trust yourself, especially if you\u2019ve been surrounded by people-pleasers, advisors, and sycophants for a while. But this divorce offers you an opportunity to recalibrate. It\u2019s a chance to reconnect with yourself and your own voice and values. What do you want your future social circle to look like? How do you want to spend your time and energy, and who with?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rediscovering who you are and what matters to you is a rewarding process, but it can be challenging too. That\u2019s why I highly recommend you engage the services of a coach or therapist. Choose someone who you connect with, and who is also experienced in working with high-net-worth individuals. While human emotions are universal, some of the struggles you\u2019re working with are not. You need to make sure your professional team understands your landscape so they can help you navigate your own way forward. This is exactly the work I do with my 1:1 clients.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"building_new_circles\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Building new circles<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>The cost of friendship in your high net worth divorce <\/em>means starting afresh<em>. <\/em>When it comes to rebuilding your social network during and after your high net worth divorce, do it with a future focus. Create a clear vision of what you want your future life to be like, and the people you want to have within it. This will involve setting boundaries for yourself. Learning what you can tolerate from those around you, and what\u2019s unacceptable. And then learning to set out and enforce those boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Paradoxically, just as you don\u2019t find happiness by seeking it, you often don\u2019t make new friends by doggedly striving to. What do I mean by that? Well, if your end goal is to \u2018get new trustworthy friends\u2019 you may well find everyone you meet falling short. Just as if you spend the day trying to be happy your brain will spend all its time looking for things going wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead, focus on your values and goals. Focus on the areas of your life that bring you meaning. Whether that\u2019s in championing a new cause, throwing yourself into a business endeavour or a home-making project. Do the things you find fulfilling and look out for the people who are similar. Who are attracted to similar causes, projects and goals. These are the people who are likely to be your future friends. And then it\u2019s a matter of letting them in &#8211; while of course maintaining your boundaries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"know_ive_got_your_back\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Know I\u2019ve got your back<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it feels like your life is crumbling around you the world can be a lonely place. Especially when you have the legal and financial complexities of your divorce to manage too. That\u2019s where I come in. I have a deep understanding and empathy for the difficulties you face as you navigate your high net worth divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can provide highly personal, confidential 1:1 support, seven days a week. Whether it\u2019s debriefing after meeting with your legal team, or working through a divorce plan so you can face the future on your terms, I can be by your side through it all. You can book in an initial, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/contact\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">confidential consultation here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to find out how I can help you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"about_emma\"><\/span>About Emma<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\"><b>Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/gb\/podcast\/the-six-minute-divorce-podcast-with-emma-heptonstall\/id1547792197\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>The Six-Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>High net worth divorce can be fraught with additional challenges. Who to trust with your decision and your plans can make you question those closest to you. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":17673,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2704,397,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-high-net-worth-divorce","category-divorce-self-care","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/Copy-of-EH_BlogImage-53.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4AE","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17648"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17648\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17673"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}