{"id":17873,"date":"2022-01-03T06:30:57","date_gmt":"2022-01-03T06:30:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=17873"},"modified":"2025-10-21T22:00:44","modified_gmt":"2025-10-21T21:00:44","slug":"divorce-in-2022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/divorce-in-2022\/","title":{"rendered":"Thinking about getting a divorce in 2022? Start here"},"content":{"rendered":"

We\u2019re fresh into a new year. Only the strawberry creams are left in the Quality Street box (and maybe not even them). The decorations are put away again (or will be soon). And you\u2019re left with that thought. The one you keep coming back to. Is this the year we end our marriage? Maybe this has been brewing for sometime. Maybe the stress of the pandemic and Christmas has meant you\u2019ve reached crisis point. Whatever the reason, if you\u2019re thinking about getting a divorce in 2022, start here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Take some time to think this through<\/span><\/h2>\n

You might be starting 2022 desperate to take action. Perhaps your marriage has become increasingly toxic over the last few years. Even the sound of your partner breathing sends you into a fury. And you can\u2019t stand it any more. You want to leave, and you want to do it NOW!<\/span><\/p>\n

So what I\u2019m about to say will not please you. But it is what you need to hear.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t do anything yet. Really, don\u2019t. Even if you\u2019ve had it up to your ears. Even if you think you can\u2019t stand to be under the same roof for another minute. (The exception to this is if you\u2019re unsafe – if your spouse is inflicting emotional or physical damage on you or your family your priority is to get to safety. <\/span>Refuge has specific information for you here<\/span>.)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

There are two main reasons for this. One is that it is always wiser to act from a place of calm decision, rather than desperation. And the other is that divorce may <\/span>not<\/span><\/i> be the answer you need.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>You take yourself with you<\/span><\/h2>\n

As I explain in my book <\/span>How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/span><\/i>,<\/span><\/a> you take yourself with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What do I mean by that? I mean whatever you bring to your situation will leave when you do. So if your marriage is riddled with misery, or arguments, or boredom, then you need to think about your own contribution to that state of affairs. Is it your marriage that\u2019s the problem or is it something else? This is a good time to check in with yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Consider your unhappiness right now. What\u2019s contributing to it? A useful exercise is to separate all the contributing factors into ones you can control and ones you can\u2019t. We can\u2019t control what other people do. We may be able to influence them, by sharing our thoughts and feelings. But what they do then is up to them. The only person you can take real responsibility for is yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Leaving is certainly an action you can take. But are there other helpful actions you\u2019ve overlooked? Ones that could save your marriage?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What can you do now?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Right now you might be raising your eyebrows at a divorce coach questioning whether divorce is the right option for you. But, ultimately, what I want for you is a happy and fulfilling life. I don\u2019t push divorce on people! And if it\u2019s not needed, then it\u2019s worth examining other options. I believe in marriage – as long as it\u2019s healthy. For some people, divorce isn\u2019t the best next step. There are other things you can try first.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, how do you know if divorce is your best next step? Ask yourself these questions:<\/span><\/p>\n