{"id":17929,"date":"2022-03-21T06:30:54","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T06:30:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=17929"},"modified":"2022-03-04T11:59:27","modified_gmt":"2022-03-04T11:59:27","slug":"3-ways-no-fault-divorce-help-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/3-ways-no-fault-divorce-help-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Three ways no fault divorce will help your children"},"content":{"rendered":"

For most families, no fault divorce is excellent news for your children. When the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act comes into force on 6 April 2022 it will remove the need for one party to blame the other, or have to wait two years. At first glance, it might seem this has nothing to do with any children involved! But it creates a change of tone, culture and intent in the whole divorce process. And this will have a positive ripple effect for your children. Let\u2019s explore the three ways no fault divorce will help your children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>1. You and your spouse can be on the same side<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re getting divorced it\u2019s unlikely you and your soon-to-be-ex are best friends. They might make your blood boil much of the time. You might deeply resent how they behaved, and the history that led to the end of your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite all that, no fault divorce allows you to focus on divorcing well. Or, as Gwyneth Paltrow might put it, \u2018conscious uncoupling\u2019. Rather than being thrown into a blame game, in which one of you is pitted against the other in the eyes of the law, you can now apply for the divorce jointly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Not everyone will apply jointly, of course. There will still be cases in which one person wants to end the marriage and the other really doesn\u2019t. But only one person needs to declare that the marriage has broken down irretrievably to trigger the divorce process. There is no longer scope to contest the divorce petition and drag out the decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

And because you no longer need to blame one person for the divorce, it makes it easier to focus on the future. Even if your soon-to-be-ex isn\u2019t happy that your marriage is ending, they will not have to face the bitterness of being accused of unreasonable behaviour in the legal papers, or of accusing you. Which makes the chances of collaboration a lot higher.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You may no longer be on the same side in your marriage. But you can both agree that you want to divorce as peaceably as possible, and put your energy into that. Which is a lot easier on your children. It\u2019s a far more secure scenario if you and your soon-to-be-ex work together to map out arrangements for the children rather than scrap over the details of who\u2019s to blame for the marriage ending.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. You can focus your attention on them<\/span><\/h2>\n

The need to blame one party for your marriage breakdown absorbs a lot of time and energy. It causes resentment and conflict from the onset of your divorce journey. Children absorb that mood and atmosphere. And in more acrimonious cases they become unwitting weapons as you and your spouse wage war against each other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Removing the need to find fault doesn\u2019t make divorce easy. Of course, it doesn\u2019t. It doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t be angry with your spouse. But it does mean you can put your energy in what is happening now, and what will happen going forward, rather than what has happened in the past.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And this means you can put your children front and centre. The court has always prioritised the welfare of children – yet the fault system created needless conflict. Now the system is designed for collaboration. If you and your soon-to-be-ex can reach a working understanding that you\u2019re in the divorce journey together as far as your parenting goes, that makes the road a lot easier.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. You can show them how to let go healthily<\/span><\/h2>\n

Children experience break ups all the time. From nursery age, children will encounter scenarios where they are left out, or argue explosively over who gets the next go on the swing. As parents, teachers and child-carers, we encourage children to talk through their feelings, find solutions and let go of friendships that are past their sell-by date.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet, so often, this advice goes out of the window when it comes to divorce. No fault divorce provides a new opportunity. An opportunity to:<\/span><\/p>\n