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Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences you\u2019ll ever have. It\u2019s second only to the death of a child or spouse in the \u2018stressful life events\u2019 hierarchy, according to the widely-used tool developed by <\/span>psychiatrists Holme and Rahe<\/span><\/a>. And when things get too stressful, it can have consequences for your health \u2013 which in turn make life harder. Which can layer on more stress and create a downward spiral. In this blog we look at the physical manifestations of stress, and what you can do to manage them. Read on for 3 practical ways to deal with divorce stress.<\/span><\/p>\n Everyone who gets divorced is human: living in a family, a community, earning a living, and\/or caring for family members. Divorce by itself is stressful enough, but it doesn\u2019t happen in a vacuum. Life keeps on going. And, quite often, that means you get stress from all angles.<\/span><\/p>\n Many of the women I support have a number of these situations to deal with, on top of their divorce:<\/span><\/p>\n Does any of that sound familiar? I bet you\u2019re dealing with at least one, and can probably add your own to the list.<\/span><\/p>\n So before we go further, I want you to take a moment to recognise what you\u2019re going through at the moment. Your plate is full. Your burdens are heavy. It is impossible for you to avoid stress completely. But you can aim to minimise the impact on your health. And that starts with realising just how much you\u2019re dealing with, and giving yourself a break.<\/span><\/p>\n We live in a society that sees stress and being busy as an inevitable part of modern life. It\u2019s almost seen as wrong if you\u2019re not stressed! Think about the number of times you\u2019ve asked a friend how they are, and they reply, \u201cBusy, you?!\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n But there is no prize for being the most stressed: chronic, high stress is not a state our bodies have evolved to exist in. Carrying too much stress can have a serious negative impact on your health. So what\u2019s the difference between \u2018feeling a little stressed\u2019 and the sort of divorce stress that can make you ill?<\/span><\/p>\n Signs to watch out for include:<\/span><\/p>\n And it\u2019s no surprise that many of those signs also feature in the perimenopause symptom list!<\/span><\/p>\n Whatever the cause, these signs are all your body\u2019s way of telling you it\u2019s struggling and you need to listen. They won\u2019t go away by themselves. The good news is there are steps you can take to lessen the strain on your body. Here are three practical ways to deal with divorce stress.<\/span><\/p>\n When you\u2019re under significant stress, the most important thing you can do is acknowledge it. When you pause and recognise that the load you\u2019re carrying is too much, you can start to strategise. And there are always options.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The first thing to do is list everything contributing to your stress. Whether it\u2019s worries about children, work responsibilities, perimenopausal symptoms, unreasonable expectations from loved ones, or anything else, get them all down on a list.<\/span><\/p>\n Next, for each of your causes of stress, list things you can do to lighten their impact. It can be helpful to sit down with a trusted friend to do this, as they may be able to offer perspectives you hadn\u2019t considered.<\/span><\/p>\n There might be things you can deal with yourself \u2013 such as dropping out of optional committees at work, for example. Or there might be areas where you need to ask for support. Maybe other family members can help with the children more for the next month or two? Maybe you need to speak to your boss about working flexibly for a little while? If you\u2019re a member of <\/span>She Can Divorce<\/span><\/a>, you could post in the Community Chatter, Money or Work threads to get perspectives from women who will understand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to manage it all alone. If you\u2019re still attached to the \u2018I\u2019ve got to keep going!\u2019 mentality, think about this: every time you acknowledge that you need support you empower someone else to do the same.<\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to struggle in isolation. By starting a conversation about stress, you provide a way for other people to break their silence too. Which means you feel less lonely and will have more people around you who get it.<\/span><\/p>\n This is important: if you notice your health is being affected, do seek medical help. You are important and your health is important. Your GP has a duty to listen.<\/b><\/p>\n One of the things my clients struggle with is letting go of people-pleasing. Often, they have an internal script in which they have to \u2018handle it\u2019 or \u2018do it all\u2019 in order to feel worthy. Sound familiar? It\u2019s time to let that script go. You have nothing to prove, and it is fine to say no.<\/span><\/p>\n Of all the times in your life, this is the one to put yourself first. Remember, divorce is right up there on the scale of the most stressful life events. This is the time to be clear about what you\u2019ll take on and what you don\u2019t have capacity for. It\u2019s fine to let your standards drop a little. Your children won\u2019t suffer if they have a little more TV and frozen pizza than usual. You do not have to say yes every time someone asks for a favour.<\/span><\/p>\n Treat it as a game: give yourself the mission of saying no to something each week. Think of it as developing a muscle. And, remember, every time you say \u2018no\u2019 you are saying \u2018yes\u2019 to something else. And this time you are saying \u2018yes\u2019 to looking after your health.<\/span><\/p>\n We hold tension and trauma in our body. I\u2019m not going to pretend that going to a yoga class or booking a massage will make everything go away. But moving your body will help you feel better, and can help improve your physical health too.<\/span><\/p>\n So try and fit movement into your routine as much as possible. If you\u2019ve got into the habit of eating lunch at your screen, go for a quick walk instead. If you have the resources to book a massage, do it! I bet you have no problem buying nice things for your children or your loved ones\u2026 so just add yourself to the list of people you can buy nice things for.<\/span><\/p>\n A massage, swim or yoga class can help you feel calmer and help your body release tension. Which will make all the stresses you have to manage easier to cope with. Which means you can take action to then eliminate, minimise, or hold less closely a cause of stress. It creates a virtuous circle rather than a negative spiral.<\/span><\/p>\n One of the biggest problems with divorce is not knowing what to do next. That uncertainty creates worry that keeps you up all night. And then your energy is used up getting through the day, and worrying some more. Getting divorce guidance you can trust can help with all of this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When you join She Can Divorce you get:<\/span><\/p>\n Knowing you have somewhere to turn in itself is a massive relief. And knowing you can save yourself thousands of pounds, as well as months of stress makes it even more of a must-have. At \u00a397, She Can Divorce is the stress-reducing gamechanger your divorce needs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Come and join me and the women who are taking charge of their divorce today!<\/span><\/p>\n Join She Can Divorce here<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Article updated March 2026<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, and family mediator,\u00a0 Emma is a trauma-responsive therapeutic divorce coach and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programme.<\/p>\n Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_social_media_follow follow_button=”on” icon_color=”#064239″ icon_color_tablet=”#064239″ icon_color_phone=”#064239″ icon_color_last_edited=”on|phone” admin_label=”Social Media Follow” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#FFFFFF” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#064239″ button_bg_color=”#f9ecec” text_orientation=”center” background_layout=”dark” global_module=”19816″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=”facebook” url=”https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/thedivorcealchemist” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#C899A5″ background_enable_color=”on” global_colors_info=”{}” follow_button=”on” url_new_window=”on”]facebook[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=”instagram” url=”https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/divorcealchemy” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#ea2c59″ global_colors_info=”{}” follow_button=”on” url_new_window=”on”]instagram[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=”linkedin” url=”https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/emmaheptonstall” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#007bb6″ global_colors_info=”{}” follow_button=”on” url_new_window=”on”]linkedin[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=”pinterest” url=”https:\/\/www.pinterest.co.uk\/thedivorcealchemist\/” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#cb2027″ global_colors_info=”{}” follow_button=”on” url_new_window=”on”]pinterest[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][\/et_pb_social_media_follow][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences you\u2019ll ever have. It\u2019s second only to the death of a child or spouse in the \u2018stressful life events\u2019 hierarchy, according to the widely-used tool developed by psychiatrists Holme and Rahe. And when things get too stressful, it can have consequences for your health \u2013 which in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":20059,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<\/span>Divorce doesn\u2019t happen in a vacuum<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/span>Physical impact of divorce stress<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/span>1. Divorce stress: recognise the causes and get support<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>2. Develop your \u2018no\u2019 muscle in divorce\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>3. Move your body and shift divorce stress\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Get the divorce guidance you need<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n