{"id":17942,"date":"2022-04-11T06:30:54","date_gmt":"2022-04-11T05:30:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=17942"},"modified":"2022-04-08T08:05:00","modified_gmt":"2022-04-08T07:05:00","slug":"manage-your-divorce-marathon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/manage-your-divorce-marathon\/","title":{"rendered":"How to manage your divorce marathon"},"content":{"rendered":"

The introduction of no fault divorce in April 2022 brings with it new time frames. There\u2019s a minimum wait of 20 weeks between your divorce application and the conditional order (decree nisi in the old system). It was rare to have a \u2018quickie\u2019 divorce in a matter of a few weeks, but it\u2019s now impossible. Add to that court backlogs due to two years of pandemic, and you can see you\u2019re in for a long haul. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to treat your divorce as a marathon, not a sprint. You don\u2019t want to run out of steam too early. So let\u2019s look at how to manage your divorce marathon.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Set a pace you can manage<\/span><\/h2>\n

Experienced marathon runners know it\u2019s about getting to the end as effectively as possible. If you charge ahead in the early days of your divorce, it\u2019s likely two things will happen: 1. You make some decisions you regret, which create work further down the line, and 2. You burn out quickly.<\/p>\n

So take your time. If you\u2019re filing under the no fault system you can\u2019t beat the clock anyway. You still have to wait for the stipulated 20 weeks to pass. And there\u2019s plenty to do. You\u2019ll still need to agree financial arrangements, and resolve issues around children. You\u2019ll begin to bed into the reality of no longer being in a couple, and living independently (or coping with still living together if that\u2019s your situation).<\/p>\n

Take a deep breath and make a plan. Start with what\u2019s important: your values. They underpin everything. Make sure every decision you make stems from them. You can read more about exploring your values here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Once you understand your values you\u2019re in a better position to act calmly and wisely. Which is likely to save you money, as well as energy.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Make time to switch off from divorce<\/span><\/h2>\n

One of the hardest, but most critical, skills to master in your divorce marathon is segmentation. Divorce is a big, stressful deal and there\u2019s no getting away from it. Except, to maintain your wellbeing, you need to get away from it mentally, just for a while.<\/p>\n

Breaks are vital to your long-term health, not just when it comes to divorce. But how can you turn that into reality when your soon-to-be-ex\u2019s emails and complaints, or worries about the children are playing on your mind 24\/7?<\/p>\n

One technique that many of my clients find useful is time blocking. Treat your divorce like a job. Yes, many of us have boundary issues with our work too, checking our emails at 11pm. But we know we shouldn\u2019t! And the same goes for your divorce. It won\u2019t help you to keep fretting over whether your solicitor has replied at 2am.<\/p>\n

If your brain knows that there\u2019s time set aside for concentrating on your divorce, it can be easier to let it go the rest of the time. Find a schedule that works for you.<\/p>\n

You might decide to set aside 30 minutes every morning before the children wake. You can use that time to reply to emails, do research or make a plan. And then have a longer block of time once a week, maybe at the weekend. Or you may decide that you\u2019ll use the hour after the children go to bed every weeknight to focus on your divorce, and, unless absolutely necessary, have time off at the weekends.<\/p>\n

A related technique is \u2018the file\u2019. This can be digital, or an actual file you carry around with you. Every time you have a question, idea or thought about your divorce, add it to your file. So your brain can let it go. And then, at scheduled times, maybe twice a week, go through and move things forward.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Assemble your divorce cheerleaders!<\/span><\/h2>\n

Runners will often tell you they beat their personal best times during races. And that\u2019s down to the atmosphere – the crowds, the camaraderie, the support. It\u2019s tougher on your own. So surround yourself with the people who will cheer you on. These people tend to fit into three groups (and some wonderful people fit into all three!):<\/p>\n