{"id":18000,"date":"2022-08-15T06:30:29","date_gmt":"2022-08-15T05:30:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=18000"},"modified":"2022-08-05T12:36:14","modified_gmt":"2022-08-05T11:36:14","slug":"how-to-establish-routines-for-your-children-in-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/how-to-establish-routines-for-your-children-in-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"How to establish routines that work for your children in divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mid-August is perhaps only out-done by Christmas in the scope for chaos when it comes to children. Deep in the middle of school holidays, summer heat (if we\u2019re lucky, though no more level 4 heatwaves please) and the \u2018silly season\u2019 that goes with this time of year. It\u2019s often when routines go out of the window. And that\u2019s fine. There\u2019s a place for chaos! But when you\u2019re in the midst of divorce, and as you look ahead to September, routines become so important. In this blog we\u2019ll examine why, and how to establish routines that work for your children in divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Why bother with routine?<\/span><\/h2>\n

There are benefits to being able to go with the flow. When life throws you curveballs and the unexpected happens, it\u2019s helpful to have the skills and flexibility to cope. But that doesn\u2019t mean chaos should reign supreme all the time. And, certainly for children, routines can feel like a sanctuary when the rest of life feels turbulent.<\/span><\/p>\n

The return to school after a summer break can feel difficult to a child. Throw divorce into the mix as well and it can feel like their world\u2019s turned upside down. That\u2019s why getting a routine in place is so helpful on an emotional level. If your child knows they spend Monday to Wednesday with you, Thursday to Friday with their other parent they can mentally prepare. They feel more in control – the routine is a secure boundary that feels like a safety net.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Routines can help with behaviour too. When you have a predictable routine in place, children learn what to expect, and what\u2019s expected of them. It makes it easier for them to focus on the task in hand rather than get distracted. And it\u2019s less overwhelming for them than having to be responsible for their own planning all the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On a practical level routines make it easier to get things done. There\u2019s less scope for messing around when you all know what needs to happen and in which order. It takes less headspace all round as you\u2019re not trying to create the plan on the hoof as well as implement it. And means they are more likely to develop healthy habits around sleeping and eating if there\u2019s regularity around these times.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>How to create new routines<\/span><\/h2>\n

So, now we\u2019ve established routines are helpful both practically and emotionally, let\u2019s look at how to create routines that your child will be happy with.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No-one likes to be told what to do without having some understanding of why. So it\u2019s important to discuss with your child why the routine will help them, in terms they can understand. For example, you can explain you need morning routines so:<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Involving your children<\/span><\/h3>\n