{"id":18141,"date":"2022-09-26T06:30:41","date_gmt":"2022-09-26T05:30:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=18141"},"modified":"2022-09-06T09:08:02","modified_gmt":"2022-09-06T08:08:02","slug":"what-to-do-if-moneys-holding-you-back-from-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-to-do-if-moneys-holding-you-back-from-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"What to do if money\u2019s holding you back from divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

With the cost of living crisis, I see many people putting off divorce because it\u2019s an additional expense. And that\u2019s totally understandable. However, all the months you delay your divorce you are also delaying getting on with the life you want to live. So it makes sense to look your money situation in the eye and see what\u2019s holding you back. In this blog we look at everything you can do if money\u2019s holding you back from divorce.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Get clear about your numbers<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019ve read my blogs or book, or listened to my podcast, you could have predicted I\u2019d say this first! You absolutely need to know what you\u2019re dealing with. What are your living costs? What do you owe? What income do you have? What financial picture does this give you?<\/p>\n

If all that sounds overwhelming, start small. Start with what you know and can access easily: look at your bank statements. Remind yourself of your mortgage or rental costs. Check your credit card balance. Build a picture of what money you spend each month, and how much is necessary expenditure versus the nice to have.<\/p>\n

Where does all this leave you? It will leave you much clearer on what\u2019s possible financially. If you\u2019ve been worried about paying for the divorce application (\u00a3593 in England and Wales) you will have more idea if the funds are available. You may also be eligible for help with court fees if you are on certain benefits<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Of course, divorce will cost more than the court fees. There will be costs attached to you and your soon-to-be-ex setting up separate households. There may be legal fees (unless you self-represent), and a financial settlement. But before you can make decisions on any of this, you really need to know your current financial position.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Work on your money mindset<\/span><\/h2>\n

We all have an emotional response to money and our personal finances. If it\u2019s something you fear, because you\u2019ve not given it much attention before, or because it\u2019s always felt like there\u2019s not enough money to go around, now is the time to work on your money mindset.<\/p>\n

I am not going to pretend that simply being more positive about money will mean you\u2019ll suddenly find yourself awash with riches. But, as you divorce you need to step into the mindset of a CFO – Chief Financial Officer. You are the CFO of your divorce and that calls for calm, rational thinking. It calls for you to work with where you\u2019re at and make the most of it. And when you pay more attention to money it follows that you\u2019ll manage it better, and be able to do more of the things you want and need to do.<\/p>\n

What does this look like? It involves stepping away from fear, or catastrophising about worst-case scenarios. It involves focussing on what you have and what you can do with that. Money is morally neutral – it\u2019s what you do with it that counts.<\/p>\n

Once you can enter a calm relationship with money, you can take charge. If there\u2019s not enough to do what you want, then you can take deep breaths and work with that scenario – take a look at some of the options I give below. You don\u2019t have to do this alone.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Maximise your money<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you don\u2019t have enough money, then there are two options: boost your income and\/or reduce your expenses. Think about all the ways you can access additional money. Are there benefits you are entitled to that you are not claiming? Take a look at your benefits eligibility here<\/a>. Are you eligible for free childcare so you can go and work?<\/p>\n

If you have been out of the workplace for some time, while your spouse works, it\u2019s unlikely you\u2019ll be able to continue that arrangement, unless you and your soon-to-be-ex come up with a rock solid agreement. You will most likely need to move towards financial independence – and the same is true if the situation is reversed and your spouse is used to depending on you for money.<\/p>\n

This can feel scary, but, again, take it slowly. \u2018Calm\u2019 is your watchword, just as it is when you examine your money situation. Create a quiet, calm space to think through your work options. Are there career paths you could return to? Is there work locally you can do that fits with your other commitments? Remember, nothing has to be forever: you can look for a short term solution while working on your longer term gameplan. If it helps, talk through your options with a trusted friend or careers adviser (more on that shortly).<\/p>\n

If the funds in your marriage allow, you can also negotiate for your spouse to pay spousal maintenance for an interim period while you gear up for paid work. Remember, if you haven\u2019t been doing paid work because you have been managing the household and caring for the children, that is also work, and the court would see it as such.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Use free and lower cost resources<\/span><\/h2>\n

There are a range of agencies available to support those on low incomes. Take a look at:<\/p>\n