So, the big day is over, but we are still in the holiday season: those strange days between Christmas and New Year dubbed \u2018twixmas\u2019. This time of year can bring different things to all of us: manic rushing all over the country (and maybe you just need a big rest)? An empty diary, with nothing to do (and leaves you feeling lonely)? More hosting and entertaining (perhaps with people you\u2019d rather not see)? Whatever you have going on, it can take an emotional and financial toll. So, whatever you\u2019re up to, here are five ways to feel good this Twixmas.<\/p>\n
If you think because I\u2019m a coach I\u2019m here to get you to be as productive as possible over the next few days, then you don\u2019t know me very well! It\u2019s so important to take time off. Think about what you need from the week ahead and how you can get it, for example:<\/p>\n
Sometimes the most \u2018productive\u2019 thing you can do is nothing at all. But that can be more difficult than it seems, which is what we\u2019ll look at next.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s all very well saying you\u2019ll switch off, but our minds aren\u2019t always as compliant as that! I\u2019m sure we\u2019ve all had those nights when we\u2019ve gone to bed early because we\u2019re exhausted, and tossed and turned all night. One technique to help with this is to list all the things playing on your mind. And then to decide your next action.<\/p>\n
Our brains don\u2019t like open loops: situations where there\u2019s uncertainty. And while we\u2019re not always able to control those loops completely (if only you could decide to get your divorce done this week and that was that!), you can signal a pause, which stops your mind whirring so much.<\/p>\n
So, pour yourself a glass of wine if you like (though don\u2019t do this after too many!), take a deep breath and create a table with three columns. You can either do this digitally or the old fashioned way with pen and paper.
\nIn the first one write out all the things that are bothering you. Anything from needing to get the MOT booked in to the latest niggly email your soon-to-be-ex has sent. Get it all down, a new line for each. In the second column write the next thing you need to do about it. And in the third, write the date by when it needs to be done. If it\u2019s not urgent, put \u2018review end January\u2019.<\/p>\n
This will help your brain let go of some of those loose ends, as you\u2019ll have a plan for taking care of them. It will also mean you can set aside proper time for fun and relaxation, without worries slipping in all the time.<\/p>\n
It is worth setting aside at least a little time for a quick financial health check. If your Christmas has pushed your budget this is particularly important. Again, the focus isn\u2019t on doing everything now, but knowing what you can and will do, so you feel calmer and more in control.<\/p>\n
Firstly, review your Christmas presents. Are there things that need to be returned? Get all the receipts in one place, so you can get your money back, rather than be stuck with a gift card you don\u2019t really want, or worse, don\u2019t get anything.<\/p>\n
Next, do you need to organise repayment of credit cards or other bills? If you need to negotiate payment plans, get your request in early. Companies like to see that you are being proactive.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be carried away by sales shopping: nothing\u2019s a bargain if you don\u2019t really need or love it! But if there are essentials that you\u2019re likely to need in the coming year and you can take advantage of a good deal now, do it.<\/p>\n
Think about the income you will need. Are there ways to maximise your income, through work, benefits, or other avenues such as renting out a spare room? Think about what feels workable for you and the first step to making it happen.<\/p>\n
Midwinter isn\u2019t always the best time to put pressure on yourself with new year\u2019s resolutions – though if you\u2019re feeling inspired, great. But it can be a good time to go gently and look inwards. Before looking ahead, it\u2019s a good idea to look back. Do this with armfuls of self kindness: grab a blanket, a mug of something comforting, your notebook and try these questions:<\/p>\n
Once you\u2019ve looked back on your year, it\u2019s time to look ahead. A way into this that can often bring surprising and honest answers is to do some maths:<\/p>\n
Write out your responses without overthinking at first, even if what comes out is fantastical and unrealistic. There will be nuggets of truth in the fairy tales! Then go through and ask yourself what you really want and need? Are there \u2018maths actions\u2019 you can take?<\/p>\n
As you look ahead to the future, think about what\u2019s most important to you in the coming months. Those things are where you need to invest: money, yes, but also time and energy. Resolve not to fritter your attention on the things that don\u2019t matter to you – particularly other people\u2019s dramas (particularly if you have an ex-spouse who is all about the drama)!<\/p>\n
If you want to get your divorce done on your terms in 2023, I\u2019d love to help. The Absolute Academy is open to new members, and we\u2019d love to see you in there! It\u2019s a place to share the warts and all of your divorce, safe in the knowledge people will get it. And it\u2019s where you\u2019ll get my coaching, guidance and support so, whatever you\u2019re going through, you won\u2019t be alone.<\/p>\n
Start the new year with an investment in the future you want. Come and join us!<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So, the big day is over, but we are still in the holiday season: those strange days between Christmas and New Year dubbed \u2018twixmas\u2019. This time of year can bring different things to all of us: manic rushing all over the country (and maybe you just need a big rest)? An empty diary, with nothing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":18554,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,1841,397],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas","category-divorce-and-mental-health","category-divorce-self-care"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Five-Ways-To-Feel-Good-This-Twixmas.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4Pf","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18553"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18553\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n