I write about money fairly regularly on the blog. Why? Because it\u2019s a massive issue in divorce. It\u2019s not just one of the biggest negotiations you\u2019ll have to contend with, it\u2019s a flashpoint for all sorts of emotions, and conflict with your ex-spouse. It\u2019s a huge thing to navigate, and it\u2019s one of the most important I can help you with.<\/p>\n
But one of the issues I haven\u2019t addressed here in much detail, is why it\u2019s so important to make friends with money. You might read that and cringe. But it\u2019s true. Unless you make friends with money, you are not going to get the best out of it. Just like you mostly don\u2019t see the best, most interesting aspects of people until you\u2019re friends with them. So, settle in, pour a coffee: this asks you to go for a ride and get creative. Stick with it! It\u2019s a critical, foundational piece of coaching work you\u2019re about to begin.<\/p>\n
Before we get into why and how to make friends with money, let\u2019s get into what your current relationship with money is like. If you were to imagine money as a person, who comes to mind? Is it someone you\u2019d like to be friends with?<\/p>\n
When I did this exercise, I pictured one of those old fashioned bankers – you know, the kind like in Mary Poppins, with the black suits and the bowler hats. Is that someone I\u2019d choose to spend time with? No!<\/p>\n
When I\u2019ve asked others about this, a whole array of different characters have shown up:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s time to try it for yourself. Who do you picture when you picture money? Go with your gut instinct, don\u2019t overthink it.<\/p>\n
What are the important elements of friendship for you? For me, they include these things:<\/p>\n
All of these things are true for money as well. It\u2019s important to develop a mindset where money has your back, where you can be yourself, and you can enjoy life. This is helpful at any stage in life, but it\u2019s especially important to make friends with money during divorce.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re getting deeper into this now. Keep your money person in mind. Now think about whether this is someone you can be friends with. A word of warning: don\u2019t automatically assume it isn\u2019t! Just because your money person is a different age, personality type, gender, whatever to you, perhaps there\u2019s scope to befriend them right now. Only Murders In The Building, the Steve Martin murder mystery comedy series on Disney features an unlikely sleuthing trio of a 29 year old woman and two men in their seventies. It works (and it\u2019s lots of fun!).<\/p>\n
Perhaps, if you saw a banker bowler hat person, like I did, once you started chatting with them they\u2019d tell you they felt stifled by their job and their appearance. Maybe under that bowler hat they have bright blue hair, or wish they did! Let yourself get creative with this. Have a mental conversation with your money person. Or, even better, write it out. See what they are actually like once you try to get to know them.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t worry if you can\u2019t make friends with your money person as you originally pictured them. There\u2019s another way into this. Go back to thinking about all the things you want out of friendship. Now, picture a person (real or imagined) who offers those things.<\/p>\n
In my case, I couldn\u2019t see myself getting comfortable spending time with my bowler-hatted banker. I wanted someone I could have a cocktail with, go to the cinema with, sit down for a coffee with. So I reimagined money as this sort of friend. And I really got to know them.<\/p>\n
Now is when it gets real. Now is when you start to act as though money is your friend. What do I mean by this?<\/p>\n
First of all, I DON\u2019T mean, just start spending money you don\u2019t have. Maxing out credit cards and expecting money or the universe to come to your rescue is not very friendly behaviour! A good friendship is based on give and take, and mutual understanding. You need to play your part, to expect money to play theirs.<\/p>\n
Start with values. Friends will often share values, or at least have compatible ones. What are your values, when it comes to life? Money is your friend to help you put those values into practice. Start seeing money as an ally. And start noticing whether you are living your values.<\/p>\n
Respect is also a key foundation to your newly strengthened friendship with money. Respect your money by giving it some attention. Notice where your money goes. Think about how you can look after it. Notice where it shows up in your life. As with so many things, the more we pay attention, the more we realise what\u2019s around us: whether it\u2019s the tenner slipped into your birthday card from Auntie Gladys, the discount on your home insurance from shopping around, or the opportunity to go for a promotion at work.<\/p>\n
Finally, and I realise this will sound \u2018woo\u2019, get into the habit of asking money for help. Be clear on what you want to use the money for. And put it out there that you\u2019d like money to make it happen. It\u2019s not magic, it won\u2019t work on its own – but it will have you being a lot more conscious about what\u2019s important. And that is a very powerful force in itself.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a huge believer in giving credit where it\u2019s due, and lots of my mindset shifts around money come from the teaching of Denise Duffield Thomas. Denise helps people (mostly female entrepreneurs) release their fear of money.<\/p>\n
She has a really fun tool to help with this: Sacred Money Archetypes<\/a>. It\u2019s a quick quiz to help you understand your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to money. I found it\u2019s a really helpful way of understanding more about yourself too! Take a moment to do the quiz, and, if you\u2019d like to, message me and tell me who you are! I\u2019m a Nurturer, in case you were interested\u2026<\/p>\n Empowering women to be confident with money is one of my passions. Because divorce is about freedom and independence: and so is financial empowerment! As a divorce coach I\u2019m here to help you with the practical decision making around your divorce, including navigating the financial settlement.<\/p>\n I\u2019m also here to help you with your money mindset. I know how powerful mindset shifts can be for women in divorce: it\u2019s like seeing the bulb go from dim to shimmering as you do this work!<\/p>\n Join me, and other empowered women, over in The Absolute Academy<\/a>. For just \u00a3225\/month (that\u2019s what some lawyers charge per hour!) you\u2019ll get live training, weekly Q&As, resources and toolkits, not to mention an amazing bunch of women to share the journey with. See you in there!<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How To Make Friends With Money During Divorce – it\u2019s a huge thing to navigate, and it\u2019s one of the most important I can help you with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-finances"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/October-2023-How-To-Make-Friends-With-Money-During-Divorce-min.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-4ZH","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19201","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19201"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19201\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19201"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19201"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19201"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Want help making friends with money during your divorce?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n