This is a blog I\u2019d love you to print out and stick to your mirror. It\u2019s my 30 divorce mantras you NEED to navigate divorce on your terms all in one place – and then we\u2019ll dive into some of them to set you up with the best possible mindset for divorce. I would love it if you shared this blog with someone who needs it please! Everything you do in divorce is easier if you can absorb these mantras into your bloodstream.<\/p>\n
First off, here are all the mantras together. Feel free to print this off and put it where you\u2019ll see it several times a day! (I\u2019ll turn it into a print one of these days).<\/p>\n
Now, let\u2019s get into some of them to understand why they are so important.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been in an unhealthy marriage, it\u2019s likely you\u2019ve suppressed your needs for quite some time. Maybe you\u2019ve stayed together for the children, or been dictated to by your soon-to-be-ex, or simply squashed your feelings in the hope everything will work out.<\/p>\n
Divorce signals a change. You only live once, and you may as well do it on purpose! That means focusing on your needs. Placing yourself back at the centre of your life. Now, more than ever, you need to put yourself first.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s so common for people to stay together \u2018for the children\u2019. But, what is this telling your children? They aren\u2019t daft, they can sense when there\u2019s tension at home, even if you think you\u2019re hiding it. When you accept the difficult truth, and move on from a marriage that is no longer working, it shows them that they do not need to spend their life unhappily trapped. That they can make hard choices for the sake of their happiness too.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve written a whole blog on this<\/a>, but when it comes down to it, being a CEO means you set the vision, and you bring in the support you need. Key lessons? Take time to have your own vision – don\u2019t be dictated to by your ex-spouse, your mum or your solicitor. And, don\u2019t try to do everything yourself. Whether you rope in friends to help with childcare, or venting, a coach to help with strategising or a solicitor to do the paperwork, this is a time to have people around you. Sure, there will be people whose advice you seek, and need. But, believe me, everyone will have an opinion, and many will want to share it freely! You can\u2019t always tell them to shut up. But you don\u2019t need to take everyone\u2019s opinion on board. You will go round in circles if you do that! Decide in advance who you want to listen to. And don\u2019t be afraid to kindly but firmly tell people to stop!<\/p>\n Many (not all) of my clients took a step back from money matters in the marriage. Many (not all) of my clients were not the main breadwinner either. This means they often have blocks around their financial capability. Money is something they haven\u2019t paid much attention to, and maybe they\u2019ve developed a sense of shame, guilt or low self-esteem around. Is this you too? If so, I want you to know you can do this. The very first step to being capable around money is giving it the attention it needs. It may well not be as complicated as you feared. And, if it is, there are people who can help you understand your situation.<\/p>\n If I made the wrong decision to marry, how can I trust myself to make the right decision? If my soon-to-be-ex made all the decisions in our marriage, how do I even know how to make a decision? If I\u2019ve made mistakes in my marriage, how do I know I won\u2019t again? This one is so important because it covers two vital things: your mental health now, and your future wellbeing. Please don\u2019t get sucked into playing the blame game. I\u2019m not saying you should just roll over and let your soon-to-be-ex treat you badly. But by going over and over all the ways they treated you badly, you keep yourself stuck. And, what\u2019s important now is that you can rebuild your life. This isn\u2019t so much forgive and forget, more look after future you.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve been in a difficult marriage, you may carry emotional injury. It may not feel safe to trust others and ask for help. Hyper-independence is a response to being hurt by people. But divorce is a big, stressful life experience. You will need help along the way – whether it\u2019s something as simple as a hug and listening ear from a friend, or something as in-depth as therapy, coaching or financial advice. Please ask for it. I offer a free 30 minute chat to women who are considering divorce coaching, and I guarantee that I\u2019ll be honest with you about how I can (or can\u2019t) help.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s close with this one. Divorce might be the first thing that lands in your brain when you wake up, and the last thing you\u2019re going over before you finally drop off to sleep at night. And that\u2019s natural – especially if it\u2019s new, or there\u2019s been a big milestone in your journey. However, you are so much more than your divorce. You\u2019re also the history buff\/master baker\/laughably terrible baker\/pub quiz genius\/disco queen\u2026 or whatever else that you always were. You are bigger than divorce. And, to survive with your health intact, it is so important to be able to put divorce down for a while. And it feels so much safer and healthier to do that if you know you\u2019re taking the reins with it.<\/p>\n You\u2019re not a victim. You\u2019re not a cold hearted bitch. You\u2019re simply a woman who wants to get through divorce with her head held high, and enjoy the rest of your life. I can help you do that. Book a free chat<\/a><\/strong> with me here to find out how.<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is a blog I\u2019d love you to print out and stick to your mirror. 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\nStepping into the CEO mindset also really helps with Divorce Mantra number 21: I accept the legal process is transactional, not emotional. It\u2019s about getting a process completed to your satisfaction – not about the rights and wrongs of your marriage.<\/p>\n<\/span>Not everyone\u2019s opinion of my divorce matters<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>I am learning to be a capable money manager<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>I can trust myself to make good decisions<\/span><\/h2>\n
\nIf you\u2019ve had any of these thoughts, you\u2019re in good company. Everyone I\u2019ve worked with thinks them at some point. And, do you know what? They are smart, capable women, just like you. Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. And the best way to make good decisions is to tune into what you need first (hence mantra number one: it is okay to put myself first)!<\/p>\n<\/span>I choose to focus on the future, not the past<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>It is safe for me to ask for the help of others<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Divorce does not define me<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Do divorce your way<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/h2>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n