{"id":19380,"date":"2023-12-21T06:30:02","date_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:30:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19380"},"modified":"2023-12-07T10:09:48","modified_gmt":"2023-12-07T10:09:48","slug":"top-5-ways-to-manage-your-wellbeing-at-christmas-during-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/top-5-ways-to-manage-your-wellbeing-at-christmas-during-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 5 Ways To Manage Your Wellbeing At Christmas During Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

Whether it\u2019s your first Christmas post-separation or fifth, whether you have children or not, Christmas is a tough time when it comes to divorce. On this week\u2019s blog I share my top 5 ways to manage your wellbeing at Christmas during divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>1. Accept it\u2019s hard<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

I\u2019m all for looking on the bright side, focussing on the future, and having a positive mental attitude. But, it\u2019s also really important to acknowledge difficult emotions. This is true all year round, but it\u2019s especially true at Christmas!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This time of year, when we reflect on the previous 12 months and break from usual routines, is emotional. So, if you\u2019re feeling sad, let the sad happen. If you\u2019re feeling angry, let the rage flow. If you\u2019re feeling stuck, like you need a good cry, find a weepy film that never fails and let the waterworks happen – it\u2019s cathartic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s natural to feel low when things have changed. You\u2019re actually in a process of grief – grieving the imagined Christmases you thought you\u2019d have forever. Don\u2019t push that down. Acknowledge it. That\u2019s the first step to moving on in a healthy way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. Focus on what\u2019s important<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

One of the most difficult things to come to terms with is the change in traditions and routine. That\u2019s true even if you didn\u2019t particularly celebrate Christmas – at this time of year everyone takes a break and does things differently.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So think about what it is you love about the traditions or routines you\u2019ve had in the past. How can you evolve them?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you loved wrapping presents with your soon-to-be-ex, sharing a bottle of wine, watching Love Actually and catching up after the busyness of December, could you get a couple of friends together instead, and do it with them?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Focus on what\u2019s underneath those traditions that\u2019s so important to you, and find a way to bring it to life differently (and remember 25 December is just a date – you can recreate your traditions whenever you like!).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. Break with tradition<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

If you can\u2019t evolve a tradition, create new ones. If you\u2019ve always been slaving in the kitchen cooking Christmas Dinner for eight, and it\u2019s just you this year, why not pack a fancy picnic for yourself and drive to the beach, hills or woods instead? Or see if you can volunteer for a charity?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whatever you do, make it intentional. Even if you feel like all you want to do is eat quality street in your pyjamas all day: decide that\u2019s what you\u2019re going to do. And do it! Eat the purple ones from the tin in new pyjamas you\u2019ve bought, with your favourite Christmas films lined up because you\u2019ve decided to make this Christmas \u2018Chocolate Day\u2019. It feels a million miles away from waking up on Christmas morning and not knowing what to do, so just eating whatever\u2019s in the fridge and seeing what you can find to watch on TV.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. Surround yourself with people who lift you up<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

You know who these people are: the people you can be yourself with. The people you can ugly cry with, and who can have you doubled up with laughter. Reach out to these people and get dates in the diary.<\/span><\/p>\n

Divorce can be lonely, and Christmas can be lonely – loneliness squared. I get it, I do.\u00a0 Insider tip: please don\u2019t take it personally if your friends and family seem to ditch you over the festive period. It\u2019s a chaotic time, when it feels like everyone else has plans and you don\u2019t. I\u2019ve been there too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If people\u2019s diaries are full, just get dates in to see them in January. Know that you\u2019ll have time with these people soon. And, in the meantime, do the things you love, or that you might love – take yourself out on dates. Watch all your guilty pleasures. Go to the cinema and watch that arthouse film from the 60s. Take out the watercolour set you got five years ago when you were feeling creative, fire up YouTube, and get your art on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And – don\u2019t be afraid of asking for what you need. If you\u2019re feeling low over Christmas, and your BFF is at a huge family gathering on the other side of the country, don\u2019t wait for her to text on Christmas Day. Instead, contact her and a few others and say, \u2018These few days are going to be really hard for me – can you keep me going with some memes and gifs every now and then?!\u2019 Most people aren\u2019t selfish, but we all sometimes need a nudge to know we\u2019re needed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>5. Have a brain break<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s tempting to use the Christmas break to plough on with divorce paperwork, especially if you\u2019re on your own. And, I\u2019m not going to tell you not to do this. But please put some boundaries around it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Most places close over Christmas, and are on skeleton staff the weeks before and after. So it\u2019ll be a go-slow at the office. It\u2019s fine to spend some time getting clear on what you want and need – maybe get your paperwork in order if you really want to. But then put it to one side. Know it can wait.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ask yourself, \u2018how can I bring myself comfort and joy this Christmas?\u2019. And do that instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let yourself rest. That\u2019s the main thing I want you to take from this blog. If things feel hard, know they will get better. By next Christmas, you\u2019ll be in a whole different place. You\u2019ve got this, I promise.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if you want to make sure you\u2019re surrounded by supportive women who get it, and have all your divorce questions answered by me, come and join us in The Absolute Academy. Here\u2019s what one of my amazing members says:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Emma, you\u2019ve been my lifeline many a time, and I wouldn\u2019t be here today with the choices I\u2019m making without you, my lovely. So glad I found you.\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019d love to be there for you too. <\/span>Join us here!\u00a0<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whether it\u2019s your first Christmas post-separation or fifth, whether you have children or not, Christmas is a tough time when it comes to divorce. On this week\u2019s blog I share my top 5 ways to manage your wellbeing at Christmas during divorce.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19381,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[42,397],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas","category-divorce-self-care"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/December-2023-Manage-Your-Wellbeing-At-Christmas-During-Divorce.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-52A","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19380\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}