{"id":19391,"date":"2024-01-04T06:30:52","date_gmt":"2024-01-04T06:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19391"},"modified":"2023-12-18T10:35:41","modified_gmt":"2023-12-18T10:35:41","slug":"how-to-live-the-life-you-want-even-during-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/how-to-live-the-life-you-want-even-during-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Live The Life You Want, Even During Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve decided to divorce, or you\u2019re in the midst of it, the big D can feel like that uninvited guest. Just imagine it, your cousin Paul from Somerset\u2019s turned up out of the blue. He\u2019s lost his job and got nowhere to stay. So he\u2019s squeezing into your home and life for a while – he doesn’t know how long. And you have to get on with it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t want to put your life on hold for cousin Paul, and you don\u2019t want to put your life on hold for divorce either. So how do you live the life you want, even during divorce?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is for you whatever stage you\u2019re at: considering divorce, just setting out, or in the thick of paperwork and negotiations. These are the steps you can take now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Step away<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

You\u2019re in the kitchen, the children are back from school demanding snacks and wanting to know where their dance kit is, their Uncle Paul is winding them up, you need to send that email you promised earlier\u2026 and you feel like your head\u2019s about to explode.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Domestic life, with or without children, can feel like a pressure cooker. Especially when you also have separation and divorce to think about. Where\u2019s the space for you in all that? There isn\u2019t any. And the truth is, you have to create it for yourself. No-one is going to give you a day off to go and just relax and enjoy yourself. You have to be your own best friend with this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And you need to give yourself some space. Whatever you can make happen: a weekend away on your own. A movie night for everyone else so you get two hours to sip tea in the quiet, and journal. But before you do anything else, book in some time just for you. Your brain will thank you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Figure out what\u2019s important to you<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

The crazy thing about life is that it takes over, when we\u2019re supposed to be living it. We can spend our days on autopilot servicing the commitments life throws at us: work, school runs, checking in with parents, keeping up with the neighbourhood WhatsApp debate about bins. And by the time 11pm comes we flop to bed exhausted, wondering where the day went.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is an antidote to this, and it\u2019s called intention. It\u2019s about figuring out what\u2019s important to you. Which sounds easy, but, actually, if you\u2019ve spent years just keeping the show on the road and looking after everyone else, it can be pretty damn tricky to figure out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which is why you need to step away from the chaos. Even for 20 minutes. A solo coffee date after school drop-off. A \u2018no tech\u2019 night where you stop scrolling and get your notebook out instead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And ask yourself this: what do I really want over the next 12 months?<\/span><\/p>\n

Let it all out in your journal. Even the things that are totally unrealistic. Get all of it out, and when you think you\u2019ve finished write \u2018And what else?\u2019 and keep going for another three minutes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then read over everything you\u2019ve written, and sit with it for a moment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What\u2019s possible right now?<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Everything you wrote will be telling you something – including the highly unrealistic desires. Want to fly to the moon? You\u2019re desperate for change. Want to sleep for three months? You need rest.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So don\u2019t discount all the over-the-top scribbles. The trick is to understand what underpins them, and find workable ways to make that happen in some way. Even with divorce (or cousin Paul) on the scene as well. This isn\u2019t about overloading your to-do list, it\u2019s getting you back, front and centre, in your own life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t fly to the moon right now (as far as I know!), but how can you build in some escape time for you? Or, what is the thing you\u2019re desperate to escape from? Can you make it go away, or get some help with it?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t sleep for three months straight, but how can you be intentional about rest? Would it be possible to do a yoga class, either in person or online? Can you be really strict with yourself about having a \u2018bed and book\u2019 type bedtime routine for yourself once a week, just like parents are advised to do with small children?<\/span><\/p>\n

Take the essence of your writing and figure out what you can do to make it happen in your life, right now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What else do you need?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Maybe you wrote about things that aren\u2019t possible right now, but you can work towards them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you have wishes or dreams that aren\u2019t possible right now, then it\u2019s time to think about how they can become possible. What people or resources do you need?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you\u2019re thinking about a career change, and you need skills and experience. So, what do you need to help you? Do you need to fund some training, or find networks who can introduce you to opportunities? Would career coaching or advice help you?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you need rest, is there anything in your life you can say no to for a while? Saying no can be a powerful act of saying yes to your own needs. Which isn\u2019t selfish – it\u2019s necessary.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Get a hold of this important thing you want, and start laying the path towards it. Let people know it\u2019s what you\u2019re working towards. That path might feel 60 miles long. It doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you start walking it, things will begin to change. You\u2019ll find new opportunities pop up that you\u2019d never expected. And you\u2019ll find yourself more ready to say yes to them.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What\u2019s your next step?<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

So what\u2019s your next step? You\u2019ll have heard that Chinese proverb: \u2018A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.\u2019 And it\u2019s true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Change doesn\u2019t happen overnight, it happens when we do small things regularly. What\u2019s a small thing you can do today to get you closer to feeling like you again?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you want clarity on your next steps in separation or divorce, so you can get through it feeling more like you\u2019re swimming and less like you\u2019re drowning, I am your thing! Contact me to <\/span>book a free consultation<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

And make sure you take time over the next year to live life your way, no matter whether divorce, or cousin Paul, is also on the scene!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How To Live The Life You Want, Even During Divorce. This is for you whatever stage you\u2019re at: considering divorce, just setting out, or in the thick of paperwork and negotiations. These are the steps you can take now.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19392,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1841,397],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-mental-health","category-divorce-self-care"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/January-2024-How-To-Live-The-Life-You-Want-Even-During-Divorce.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-52L","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19391","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19391"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19391\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19392"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}