{"id":19419,"date":"2024-02-01T06:30:19","date_gmt":"2024-02-01T06:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19419"},"modified":"2025-11-18T13:20:42","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T13:20:42","slug":"why-divorce-wont-fix-everything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/why-divorce-wont-fix-everything\/","title":{"rendered":"Why divorce won\u2019t fix everything: and what you really need"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the things I share early on in How To Be A Lady Who Leaves: The Ultimate Guide To Getting Divorce Ready<\/a><\/strong>, is \u2018You take yourself with you\u2019. In this blog I\u2019ll dive into what this means, as you contemplate and navigate separation and divorce. We\u2019ll look at the shifts you can make, immediately, to feel more in control, whatever happens in the future. Here\u2019s why divorce won\u2019t fix everything: and what you really need.<\/p>\n

<\/span>When is leaving not the answer?<\/span><\/h2>\n

It might sound odd for a divorce coach to question your decision to leave. But, ultimately, my work isn\u2019t about getting more women out of their marriages. It\u2019s about getting more women to lead happy and fulfilling lives.<\/p>\n

And, only sometimes, your marriage becomes the scapegoat for other things going on in your life. Your marriage can be like the canary in the coalmine – there\u2019s toxicity in your world, and something has to give. And sometimes, just like the poor little yellow bird, it\u2019s your marriage.<\/p>\n

If your marriage has become unhealthy, you have two options. Work on it, and try to make a go of things (this may or may not not work). Or leave. And if you leave: be aware that it won\u2019t automatically fix everything. The canary didn\u2019t die because there was something wrong with it. It died because there was poisonous gas in the atmosphere and it was the first to succumb.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll leave the canary analogy now, I think you\u2019ve probably had enough about dead birds! My point is: even if your marriage has got to the point where it\u2019s better to leave, if there are issues in your life that put everything under stress, they will still be there after you\u2019ve gone. Divorce won\u2019t change that.<\/p>\n

<\/span>The most important relationship is with yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n

They say the only certainties in life are death and taxes. I\u2019ll add another. It\u2019s certain that you\u2019ll be in your life, for the whole of it. Partners and friends may come and go, children may leave home, but you\u2019ll always be with you.<\/p>\n

And this is why it\u2019s so important to work on yourself. Your relationship with yourself, and your approach to life. Because everything else stems from this. And, we are our own biggest blindspots, much of the time. Our self-talk is simply what we know, so unless we take a moment to pause, we don\u2019t question it. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n