Most women who read these blogs are either thinking about whether to divorce, or they\u2019ve made the decision and are some way into the process. And, wherever you are, it\u2019s easy to get stuck.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t know whether divorce is right for you, start here<\/strong><\/a> to help you make an informed choice.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve already made the decision, wherever you are in the process – this blog\u2019s for you. It\u2019s all about how to renew your commitment to divorce if you\u2019re stuck.<\/p>\n One of my pieces of advice that most surprises people is to consciously plan breaks from dealing with your divorce. The first thing I advise you to do once you\u2019ve made the decision to divorce (if it\u2019s you instigating), is\u2026 nothing. Let the dust settle for you, first, before you have other people\u2019s emotions to deal with.<\/p>\n And once the process is started, I recommend planning in regular breaks, including:<\/p>\n I advocate regular breaks because divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You will have more energy to see it through if you can put it down regularly.<\/p>\n The difference between taking a break and being stuck is how deliberate it is. If you\u2019re stuck, you\u2019re standing still because you can\u2019t move forward – like being stuck in the mud. And that\u2019s exhausting, because your brain will keep whirring around, nagging you to do something about it. So it\u2019s important to renew your commitment and regain control.<\/p>\n There are a whole mix of reasons why you might be stuck in your divorce at the moment. I\u2019ve listed some of the most common ones clients tell me about here, along with some starting points to get things moving again. Quite often, when people get stuck, more than one of these are at play at the same time.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s start with some practical sticking points.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re trying to reach a financial settlement, you can\u2019t (you really can\u2019t and mustn\u2019t) do this without actual figures. Don\u2019t guess at the value of your assets, or the cost of your living expenses. You need to work it out.<\/p>\n What are you missing and how can you find it? If you can\u2019t find it, enlist a financial adviser or me to help you make an informed plan, rather than guessing. If you\u2019re not sure how to make a financial plan for divorce, start with this blog<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n One of the many difficult things to accommodate as you proceed with your divorce is that you and your soon-to-be-ex will have different ideas, feelings and timescales. Maybe you\u2019re the one pushing for things to go through, maybe they are. Quite often, people drag their heels as a way to take control.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re having to wait, there are three things you can do:<\/p>\n Remember, the cheapest and fastest way to reach a divorce settlement isn\u2019t through the court hearing process. But, sometimes it\u2019s unavoidable.<\/p>\n The courts are busy, and, in some cases, still backlogged from the covid lockdowns. If social services are involved in your family, you may also find yourself waiting on them.<\/p>\n In this case, other than wait it out, there are only two things you can really do: set a reminder to check in and chase every week. And focus on the aspects of divorce you are able to move forward with. It might be that now is a time to think about your future life – how can you build the work and lifestyle you want for your post-divorce self?<\/p>\n Now let\u2019s take some internal factors.<\/p>\n This is often the biggest factor stopping women from moving forward in their divorce. Not sure about whether they\u2019re doing the right thing. Not knowing how to get to a financial settlement that is fair to their future. Not wanting to damage the children\u2019s wellbeing.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re struggling with indecision, I say this with love and urgency – please get someone to help you! Someone you trust. This sort of work is exactly what I\u2019m here for. It doesn\u2019t have to be me, of course! But make sure you choose someone who knows the legal system, who is trained to listen and support with impartiality and confidentiality, and who you know you can be honest with.<\/p>\n Sometimes women leave things hanging because they\u2019ve just had enough. Life is throwing too much their way, and they need to stop. And, if that\u2019s the case for you, my advice is to own it. Don\u2019t just flail around in the mud, waiting for things to be different. Acknowledge where you are and take control in setting a pace that works for you.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re worn out because things have been tough for a long time, then it\u2019s no surprise you need a break. Again, I do suggest you enlist some support. Just as with anything – fixing the sink for example – you could probably figure it out on your own (with the help of YouTube and several trips to B&Q in the case of the sink). Or you could go the quicker route of getting an expert involved and have the peace of mind that brings too.<\/p>\n People associate grief with death, but, in truth, the emotion and process relates to anything we have loved and lost. Including a happy and healthy marriage.<\/p>\n It\u2019s absolutely normal to grieve what once was, or what you wanted and didn\u2019t get. And that grief takes time. I\u2019m not saying you pause your divorce completely while you process it emotionally. I am saying it\u2019s important to acknowledge your feelings and give them space. It\u2019s much more difficult to make smart decisions for your future when you\u2019re in denial or raging with anger. You can read more about divorce and the grief cycle here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n The first step to renewing your commitment to divorce lies in recognising where you\u2019re stuck. And then, recognising what you can do about it. Where you don\u2019t have control right now – let it go. Put your attention to something else. Where you can influence, use \u2018BIFF\u2019 to keep the heat out of communication. And where you need help, because you\u2019re struggling with a lack of information, energy or clarity – get it.<\/p>\n I\u2019d love to be with you as you commit to the future you want and need. Whether you want to join the group of empowered women in The Absolute Academy<\/strong><\/a>, or book 1:1 coaching so we get to the heart of things fast, I\u2019m here for you. Book in your free consultation<\/strong><\/a> today.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you\u2019ve already made the decision, wherever you are in the process – this blog\u2019s for you. It\u2019s all about how to renew your commitment to divorce if you\u2019re stuck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19427,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,1,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-support","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband","category-thinking-about-a-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/7th-March-2024-How-To-Renew-Your-Commitment-To-Divorce-If-Youre-Stuck-min.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-53k","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19426","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19426"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19426\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19426"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19426"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19426"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Taking a break is not the same as feeling stuck<\/span><\/h2>\n
\n
<\/span>Why are you stuck in your divorce process?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Missing information<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Waiting for your soon-to-be-ex to respond<\/span><\/h3>\n
\n
<\/h3>\n
<\/span>Waiting for the courts or other authorities<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Indecision<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Fatigue<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Grief<\/span><\/h3>\n
<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n