{"id":19460,"date":"2024-04-18T06:30:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-18T05:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19460"},"modified":"2024-04-03T08:00:15","modified_gmt":"2024-04-03T07:00:15","slug":"5-red-flags-for-your-divorce-finance-negotiations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/5-red-flags-for-your-divorce-finance-negotiations\/","title":{"rendered":"5 red flags for your divorce finance negotiations"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last time on the blog I shared the 7 startling things I wish every woman knew about their divorce finances<\/a><\/strong>. #1 on the list was that around 90% of my clients experience financial abuse. And, often, they don\u2019t realise it, because the patterns in their marriage or separation don\u2019t look that dangerous or problematic – until they become dangerous and problematic. So here are 5 red flags for your divorce negotiations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>1. We\u2019ll sort it out ourselves<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

I\u2019m all for amicable divorce. If you can get through the process without lawyers, and without litigation, that\u2019s great. It can save you a lot of money. However, If your soon-to-be-ex is adamant that you don\u2019t need any professional help, either from a mediator or legal professional, take a moment to think why they are saying that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it because they genuinely want to act in your best interests as well as their own? Or is it because they don\u2019t want any scrutiny? They don\u2019t want anyone whose job it is to follow due process and ask potentially awkward questions? If your soon-to-be ex\u2019s intentions are pure, they will have no problem with you working with a professional as a sounding board, or to take an expert view.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. There\u2019s no money<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Lots of my clients haven\u2019t been the \u2018money manager\u2019 in their marriages. Their spouse has earned the lion\u2019s share of the money and paid the bills. So when it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement, they have no clue what their financial state of affairs is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If your spouse is telling you there\u2019s no money, ask yourself how true that\u2019s likely to be. One of my recent clients, let\u2019s call her Linda, was married to a man who worked in finance. They had a generous lifestyle – plenty of holidays, money wasn\u2019t an issue at all. Yet, a couple of months into separation, he was telling her there was no money. Sounds fishy? Yes, it was. Linda was confused. Her husband wasn\u2019t budging. And she worked with me to create both a short term plan to get through the immediate cash crisis, and a divorce plan to get to the bottom of the money situation. Sometimes it\u2019s worth investing in forensic accountants and asset tracers.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. You wouldn\u2019t understand, let me take care of it<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

This one is a close relative of red flag number 1 – again, it\u2019s keeping you isolated from the full financial picture. And this can be presented as a very caring offer: divorce is stressful, who doesn\u2019t want something complicated and unpleasant taken off their to do list? But divorce finance is NOT something to entrust to the person you are divorcing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Any hint that you\u2019re not capable of understanding the finances is belittling and disrespectful. When it comes to your future you\u2019re not only entitled to full information, you need it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And, of course, if you feel like you don\u2019t have the knowledge or skills right now to understand your finances, there\u2019s no shame in that. Knowledge and skills comes from experience, and if you\u2019ve not had the experience, of course you\u2019re a beginner. That\u2019s okay. But now\u2019s the time to start – with help if needed. And this is exactly the sort of thing I can help with, in a way that\u2019s empowering and takes the fear factor away.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. I\u2019m too busy and important to deal with this right now<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Quite often my clients face resistance from their soon-to-be-exes. It\u2019s over a power play – your ex doesn\u2019t want to see you living independently and taking the reins.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, we all need to be flexible when it comes to timings – no-one wants to be dictated to by another. But if your ex-spouse is consistently failing to disclose and also using the \u2018I\u2019m too busy\u2019 argument, that\u2019s a clear sign they\u2019re not giving you the respect you deserve.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>5. Take them to the cleaners<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

This last one\u2019s a little different, as it\u2019s not from your soon-to-be-ex, it\u2019s from your lawyer. Now, I want to be clear. This isn\u2019t Hollywood! Most financial and legal professionals aren\u2019t seeking drama for the sake of it. However, some firms are more litigious than others. And there\u2019s a vast difference between capitulating, letting your soon-to-be-ex walk away with everything, and fighting for every last bean if you don\u2019t need to. The only people that \u2018win\u2019 in that scenario are the lawyers!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d hope that no-one outside of a film set has said \u2018take them to the cleaners\u2019, at least not in this century. But this is a reminder to select your divorce team carefully. You need people who know what they are doing, who also are willing to understand YOU, your desires and needs, and who will work to a resolution that you\u2019re happy with, rather than get stuck into a financial battle when there\u2019s no need. <\/span>Resolution<\/a><\/strong> is a good place to start to find a lawyer who will work towards (you\u2019ve guessed it) resolution, rather than conflict for its own sake.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve read this and recognise some of these behaviours from your marriage or separation, take this as your sign. Be aware that your soon-to-be-ex is not working in your best interests, simply their own.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to stand up for yourself. That doesn\u2019t necessarily mean a fight. But it does mean having a strategy and the confidence to hold firm. And that\u2019s where I come in. Book your <\/span>free consultation now<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Around 90% of my clients experience financial abuse. And, often, they don\u2019t realise it, because the patterns in their marriage or separation don\u2019t look that dangerous or problematic – until they become dangerous and problematic. So here are 5 red flags for your divorce negotiations.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19461,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[59,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-finances","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/18th-April-2024-5-red-flags-for-your-divorce-finance-negotiations.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-53S","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19460"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19460\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19461"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}