{"id":19467,"date":"2024-05-16T06:30:52","date_gmt":"2024-05-16T05:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19467"},"modified":"2024-04-29T10:25:34","modified_gmt":"2024-04-29T09:25:34","slug":"top-five-things-to-put-in-place-if-your-divorce-is-high-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/top-five-things-to-put-in-place-if-your-divorce-is-high-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Top Five Things To Put In Place If Your Divorce is High Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"

What\u2019s the difference between a \u2018standard\u2019 level of conflict in divorce and a high conflict divorce? You can find that out here<\/a><\/strong>. If your divorce is high conflict, you need to get a new strategy in place. Here are the top five things you need to put in place now, if your divorce is high conflict:<\/p>\n

<\/span>1. A new game plan<\/span><\/h2>\n

The number one thing you need to do if your divorce is high conflict is to recognise you need a new approach. Let go of the idea that \u2018If I\u2019m nice and reasonable, they\u2019ll be nice and reasonable.\u2019 It just isn\u2019t going to happen. And it may take you some time to come to terms with that. But you need to.<\/p>\n

One of my early clients, Katie, really struggled with this. She bent over backwards for her ex-spouse, both during the marriage and the divorce. She offered to help him fill in his Form E, when he wouldn\u2019t engage. She kept offering concessions around the marital assets to try and get him to come round. It was only when she worked with me that she saw this wasn\u2019t going to help. He was going to keep sabotaging divorce progress and keep her dangling. While chipping away at her sense of self-worth. It was a source of control.<\/p>\n

In the end, I supported Katie to see the situation for what it was, and she started to look out for herself, her children and her future. She kept her head down, used the BIFF strategy<\/a><\/strong> to minimise antagonising her husband while moving things forward. It was important to Katie that she could be an available parent for her young children, one of whom was disabled. So she made tactical choices about the financial settlement, and kept the rental properties from the marriage. Technically, she probably could have got a better deal, but the settlement gave her what she needed for her vision of the future, and she is now free of her husband and has a thriving property business, which means she can be there for her children.<\/p>\n

When it comes to high conflict, it\u2019s about holding firm to your reality. All the rest of these points will help you with that – but you need to get your head in the game first.<\/p>\n

<\/span>2. Trained legal support<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re in a high conflict divorce, you need a lawyer if at all possible. It is possible to navigate high conflict divorces without legal representation, and I have supported some amazing women to do that – but if you have the financial means, I strongly recommend getting a lawyer.<\/p>\n

Not all lawyers are trained in high conflict cases. Just as it\u2019s vital that you understand the need for a specific strategy when it comes to your high conflict soon-to-be-ex, so does your legal team. Make sure you interview lawyers before engaging them, and check their credentials when it comes to high conflict:<\/p>\n