{"id":19486,"date":"2024-07-18T06:30:06","date_gmt":"2024-07-18T05:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19486"},"modified":"2024-07-01T09:28:17","modified_gmt":"2024-07-01T08:28:17","slug":"5-green-flags-when-choosing-a-divorce-coach-according-to-the-lawyers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/5-green-flags-when-choosing-a-divorce-coach-according-to-the-lawyers\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Green Flags When Choosing A Divorce Coach – According To The Lawyers"},"content":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s more choice than ever when it comes to divorce coaches. And while that\u2019s a good thing, it can be as bamboozling as facing 26 different types of chopped tomatoes in the Sainsbury\u2019s aisle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been a divorce coach for over a decade, and was a lawyer and a mediator before that. So I\u2019ve been on the scene a good long while and know plenty of divorce lawyers who are at the top of their game. These are people who have supported hundreds of women through divorce, and witnessed the impact a good divorce coach can have.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what they had to say about the green flags to look for when choosing a divorce coach:<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>1. They have a clear reason for being a divorce coach<\/span><\/h2>\n

What\u2019s their story? A good divorce coach will be able to explain what brought them to this work, and what drives them. For me, it\u2019s my legal background. For 13 years I worked as a legal adviser, and specialised in working with families experiencing the stress and confusion of a relationship breakdown. I saw the difference communication made. I then trained as a neurolinguistic programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, a mediator, a coach and a high conflict diversion specialist. Why? Because I saw the critical role communication plays in every divorce. I believe, I <\/span>know<\/span><\/i>, that communication is the key to reducing emotional turmoil, not to mention financial expense, in divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It can be tempting to think a divorce coach needs to have gone through divorce themselves. In truth, context matters. If their own experiences were a jumping off point for them to get the training and development to support others, great. If they are claiming expertise simply off the back of their own experiences, take some time to check they can provide the solid foundations you need. There is no cookie cutter blueprint for navigating the emotional, logistical and negotiation journey of divorce. What worked for them won\u2019t necessarily work for you. Which leads onto the next point\u2026<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. They have the right experience<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u2018If a client is considering a divorce coach I always encourage them to look at their past experience and training to be a coach.\u2019 Sarah Manning from <\/span>Hall Brown<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Divorce coaching isn\u2019t a regulated industry. As an ex-lawyer I find this alarming! I know there\u2019s more to life than qualifications, but divorce coaches hold a privileged position in your inner circle at one of the most stressful times of your life. So do your due diligence. Make sure you have rapport with them, and check what experience they have behind them, as well as what their values are. Just because someone has gone through divorce themselves and wants to help others does not mean they will be best placed to support you in your particular circumstances.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. They will support you appropriately<\/span><\/h2>\n

Deborah Jeff of <\/span>Simkins<\/span><\/a> notes that client care skills are crucial. She says, \u2018They need to know when to listen, for example, and when to speak. A psychological qualification would be an advantage.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

Every divorce is different, and I always tell my clients they are the CEO of their own divorce: they are in charge, and they can call in the advice and support they need. There isn\u2019t a perfect divorce model. It\u2019s more about understanding what you want from your specific life, and navigating your specific divorce journey.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A coach will encourage you to question your assumptions, but also to value and trust yourself. Because, ultimately, divorce is about repairing the relationship with yourself, as much as dissolving your marriage or civil partnership.<\/span>
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. They are enthusiastic about working in a team where needed<\/span><\/h2>\n

A great divorce coach, just like a great lawyer, will encourage you to think about the support you need, outside of what they are able to offer. And that won\u2019t be the same for everyone. If you\u2019ve been through trauma, working with a counsellor or therapist is essential. If you have complex finances, an independent financial adviser will be a vital part of your team. And if you have a narcissistic or high conflict ex, it\u2019s wise to get the support of a high conflict specialist – and to make sure the other members of your team are also well versed in high conflict divorces.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018I always explain to clients that we need a joined up approach: a mediator to assist with the discussions, a solicitor for legal advice and a divorce coach for emotional support.<\/span><\/i> I recommend Emma to my mediation clients as she has trained as a mediator and knows the process and can spend time walking a client through the process when they require that extra hand holding. \u2018Getting mediation ready\u2019 is really important as it can be very daunting to sit down with your ex partner and make decisions<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/i>\u2019 <\/span><\/i>Sarah Manning, Hall Brown<\/span><\/a>
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>5. They understand the law<\/span><\/h2>\n

Divorce coaching is a blend of emotional support, clarity and empowerment, and support to navigate the legal process. And this last one is as important as the others. Just like any other public area, family law is always shifting. It\u2019s important your divorce coach is well versed in family law and process (not only from their personal experience of divorce) and is plugged into debates around current issues.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So there you have it – from the divorce lawyers. I\u2019ll leave the final word to Simi Padda of <\/span>Mackenzie & Co<\/span><\/a>, who sums this up:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018I think the most important thing when choosing a divorce coach is to instruct one that has been recommended and has a good reputation.\u00a0 The divorce coach should be experienced and knowledgeable but someone the client feels comfortable in order to discuss their feelings and emotions.\u00a0 The coach should have a strong network forum as well.\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

With heartfelt thanks to Sarah, Deborah and Simi who all gave their valuable time to share their views on the green flags to look for when choosing a divorce coach.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you would like help choosing the right divorce lawyer for you, that\u2019s just one of the ways I can help, as an experienced and accredited divorce coach. <\/span>Book in a 15 minute call<\/a><\/strong> to find out how we can work together.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been a divorce coach for over a decade, and was a lawyer and a mediator before that. So I\u2019ve been on the scene a good long while and know plenty of divorce lawyers who are at the top of their game. These are people who have supported hundreds of women through divorce, and witnessed the impact a good divorce coach can have.\u00a0Here\u2019s what they had to say about the green flags to look for when choosing a divorce coach<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19487,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-coaching","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/18th-July-2024-5-Green-Flags-When-Choosing-A-Divorce-Coach-According-To-The-Lawyers.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-54i","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19486","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19486"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19486\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19487"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}