{"id":19509,"date":"2024-09-19T06:30:10","date_gmt":"2024-09-19T05:30:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19509"},"modified":"2024-09-12T19:11:00","modified_gmt":"2024-09-12T18:11:00","slug":"the-braving-model-for-self-trust-in-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-braving-model-for-self-trust-in-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"The BRAVING Model For Self-Trust In Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\n\t\t\t[et_pb_row admin_label=”row”]
\n\t\t\t\t[et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”]The most important relationship you have in life is with yourself. And nowhere in life is this more true than when you\u2019re going through divorce. Sadly, it\u2019s also a time when most of my clients report their self-trust being at rock bottom. Brene Brown has researched extensively on the topic of trust, and I have enormous respect for her work. So in this blog I share how you can use her BRAVING model to repair self-trust in divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n

BRAVING<\/strong> is an acronym that stands for:<\/p>\n

B<\/strong>oundaries
\nR<\/strong>eliability
\nA<\/strong>ccountability
\nV<\/strong>ault
\nI<\/strong>ntegrity
\nN<\/strong>on-judgement
\nG<\/strong>enerosity<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take each of these in turn.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Boundaries in divorce<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Too many crossed boundaries are often a factor in unhealthy marriages. And, often the boundaries are crossed because they aren\u2019t stated in the first place. To redevelop a sense of self trust, it\u2019s important to know what your boundaries are: with your soon-to-be-ex, and everyone else. Saying no and setting limits feels uncomfortable at first, but it\u2019s a muscle that you can strengthen.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Reliability<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Doing what you say you will is important for trust. Others learn to trust you when you follow through on your commitments. The trouble is, we often neglect our commitments to ourselves. It\u2019s easier to not go to the yoga class if you\u2019re feeling tired, or one of the children wants you around. But if you have a pattern of regularly not following through on the things you want to do for yourself, you erode the self-trust. Set yourself one small task to progress your divorce this week: whether it\u2019s responding to a solicitor\u2019s email, opening the bank statement, or asking for help with childcare so you have some headspace. And do it.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Accountability<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Accountability is about taking responsibility when things go wrong, not avoiding the truth or playing the victim all the time. It\u2019s actually a much more peaceful position to operate from, to accept that you\u2019re not perfect and own up when you make a mistake. This isn\u2019t about \u2018letting your ex get away with it\u2019. It\u2019s about taking ownership of where you are now, and moving forward.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Vault<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Honouring the Vault is about not breaking confidentiality. Gossip can feel like a way to develop connections with others, but it puts at risk the trust others have in you, and you can have in yourself. You may have been burned by so-called friends talking about you behind your back, and you know how that feels. Your role in divorce now is to focus on you. Don\u2019t worry about what others are doing. Don\u2019t bad mouth your soon-to-be-ex in front of anyone who\u2019ll listen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Integrity<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Integrity is about living in accordance with your values. I write regularly about values, as they are so important in navigating divorce. You can read about the role they play in planning your divorce journey here. Your values will help you make the right choices for you, not just the ones that feel easiest.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Non-judgement<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

The aspect of non-judgement I want to focus on here is towards ourselves. When other people share their vulnerabilities, or ask for help in a time of need, how do you feel? I know I feel respect for that person, and I feel closer to them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

However, we\u2019re our own harshest critics, and often hold back from asking others for help, for fear that it will impose. We berate ourselves for not being good enough to do it all ourselves. Release yourself of this judgement. Let yourself be human, and vulnerable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Generosity<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Brene Brown talks about generosity in this context as assuming the most compassionate interpretation behind actions and behaviours.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, if you\u2019re in the middle of divorce with a high conflict person, or someone who is treating you badly, I\u2019m not asking you to always assume the best from them. But it is worthwhile to play your part in not turning the heat up – don\u2019t engage in power games. And apply an abundance of generosity to yourself. You will make mistakes. You will be unreliable sometimes. It doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re a bad or untrustworthy person. Just grant yourself the level of kindness you show to others in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Having a healthy, trusting relationship with yourself is foundational to navigating divorce with confidence, and enjoying life post-divorce too. Applying the BRAVING principles in small, consistent ways will help you get there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Having an experienced divorce coach on your team will help you get there faster. I\u2019m not here to give you answers or tell you what to do. I am here to walk this path with you, on your terms. To remind you of the power and wisdom you already hold, and help you unlock it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Book in a call<\/a><\/strong> to find out how.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

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\n\t\t[\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In this blog I share how you can use Brene Brown’s BRAVING model to repair self-trust in divorce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19510,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"The most important relationship you have in life is with yourself. And nowhere in life is this more true than when you\u2019re going through divorce. Sadly, it\u2019s also a time when most of my clients report their self-trust being at rock bottom. Brene Brown has researched extensively on the topic of trust, and I have enormous respect for her work. So in this blog I share how you can use her BRAVING model to repair self-trust in divorce.<\/span>\r\n\r\nBRAVING<\/strong> is an acronym that stands for:\r\n\r\nB<\/strong>oundaries\r\nR<\/strong>eliability\r\nA<\/strong>ccountability\r\nV<\/strong>ault\r\nI<\/strong>ntegrity\r\nN<\/strong>on-judgement\r\nG<\/strong>enerosity\r\n\r\nLet\u2019s take each of these in turn.<\/span>\r\n

Boundaries in divorce<\/b><\/h2>\r\nToo many crossed boundaries are often a factor in unhealthy marriages. And, often the boundaries are crossed because they aren\u2019t stated in the first place. To redevelop a sense of self trust, it\u2019s important to know what your boundaries are: with your soon-to-be-ex, and everyone else. Saying no and setting limits feels uncomfortable at first, but it\u2019s a muscle that you can strengthen.<\/span>\r\n

Reliability<\/b><\/h2>\r\nDoing what you say you will is important for trust. Others learn to trust you when you follow through on your commitments. The trouble is, we often neglect our commitments to ourselves. It\u2019s easier to not go to the yoga class if you\u2019re feeling tired, or one of the children wants you around. But if you have a pattern of regularly not following through on the things you want to do for yourself, you erode the self-trust. Set yourself one small task to progress your divorce this week: whether it\u2019s responding to a solicitor\u2019s email, opening the bank statement, or asking for help with childcare so you have some headspace. And do it.<\/span>\r\n

Accountability<\/b><\/h2>\r\nAccountability is about taking responsibility when things go wrong, not avoiding the truth or playing the victim all the time. It\u2019s actually a much more peaceful position to operate from, to accept that you\u2019re not perfect and own up when you make a mistake. This isn\u2019t about \u2018letting your ex get away with it\u2019. It\u2019s about taking ownership of where you are now, and moving forward.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n

Vault<\/b><\/h2>\r\nHonouring the Vault is about not breaking confidentiality. Gossip can feel like a way to develop connections with others, but it puts at risk the trust others have in you, and you can have in yourself. You may have been burned by so-called friends talking about you behind your back, and you know how that feels. Your role in divorce now is to focus on you. Don\u2019t worry about what others are doing. Don\u2019t bad mouth your soon-to-be-ex in front of anyone who\u2019ll listen.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n

Integrity<\/b><\/h2>\r\nIntegrity is about living in accordance with your values. I write regularly about values, as they are so important in navigating divorce. You can read about the role they play in planning your divorce journey here. Your values will help you make the right choices for you, not just the ones that feel easiest.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n

Non-judgement<\/b><\/h2>\r\nThe aspect of non-judgement I want to focus on here is towards ourselves. When other people share their vulnerabilities, or ask for help in a time of need, how do you feel? I know I feel respect for that person, and I feel closer to them.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nHowever, we\u2019re our own harshest critics, and often hold back from asking others for help, for fear that it will impose. We berate ourselves for not being good enough to do it all ourselves. Release yourself of this judgement. Let yourself be human, and vulnerable.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n

Generosity<\/b><\/h2>\r\nBrene Brown talks about generosity in this context as assuming the most compassionate interpretation behind actions and behaviours.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nNow, if you\u2019re in the middle of divorce with a high conflict person, or someone who is treating you badly, I\u2019m not asking you to always assume the best from them. But it is worthwhile to play your part in not turning the heat up - don\u2019t engage in power games. And apply an abundance of generosity to yourself. You will make mistakes. You will be unreliable sometimes. It doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re a bad or untrustworthy person. Just grant yourself the level of kindness you show to others in your life.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nHaving a healthy, trusting relationship with yourself is foundational to navigating divorce with confidence, and enjoying life post-divorce too. Applying the BRAVING principles in small, consistent ways will help you get there.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nHaving an experienced divorce coach on your team will help you get there faster. I\u2019m not here to give you answers or tell you what to do. I am here to walk this path with you, on your terms. To remind you of the power and wisdom you already hold, and help you unlock it.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nBook in a call<\/a><\/strong> to find out how.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

About Emma<\/h2>\r\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\r\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\r\n ","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,397],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-coaching","category-divorce-self-care"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/19th-September-2024-The-BRAVING-Model-For-Self-Trust-In-Divorce-min.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-54F","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19509"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19509\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19510"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}