{"id":19542,"date":"2024-12-05T06:30:14","date_gmt":"2024-12-05T06:30:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19542"},"modified":"2024-12-02T07:17:18","modified_gmt":"2024-12-02T07:17:18","slug":"how-to-make-the-most-of-working-with-a-divorce-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/how-to-make-the-most-of-working-with-a-divorce-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"How to make the most of working with a divorce coach"},"content":{"rendered":"

I started divorce coaching in <\/span>2015<\/span>, drawing on my experience as a lawyer, family mediator and Master NLP (neuro linguistic programming) practitioner. I was one of the UK\u2019s first divorce coaches, and am still the UK\u2019s only trained High Conflict Diversion Specialist. Since then the divorce coaching industry has proliferated massively, but I know many women are unsure of what a divorce coach actually does, and how they help! Get the answers you need on how to make the most of working with a divorce coach here.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What does a divorce coach do?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Despite the growth in divorce coaching as an industry, I\u2019m very used to being asked what exactly a divorce coach does! \u2018So\u2019, the question goes, \u2018why would I need a divorce coach if I have a solicitor?\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

The short answer to what a divorce coach does is that I save you time, stress and money in your divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I save you time by helping you cut through the noise and focus on what\u2019s important, both for navigating divorce and for your future. I save you stress because it\u2019s all so much more manageable when you have a trusted, experienced professional to strategise with. And I save you money by enabling you to work with a solicitor more effectively, or even not at all. And I\u2019ll probably save you money in another way too, read on to find out how!<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get re-connected to you<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

I am a coach first and foremost, and perhaps the most important way I work with clients is by helping them return to themselves. To reconnect with what they really feel and need. Because the biggest thing an unhealthy marriage robs you of is self-trust and self-connection. Working on this first, before making any huge decisions about divorce, is vital.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes a client will have a session with me, then go and have time to reflect for a few weeks. Sometimes a client will want a few sessions upfront to get this vital piece in place, then they feel empowered to take it from there. Sometimes we do this work and then keep going through the divorce together. But, whatever approach you choose, reconnection to what you, and future you, needs is an unmissable part of the work I do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get your strategy in place<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

When it comes to divorce, you need a strategy. You need to know what you want the outcome to look like, and also be prepared to be flexible, which means knowing how to make decisions on what\u2019s most important to you. You need to know the steps to take to increase your chances of getting that outcome. You need to know how to communicate effectively, with your soon-to-be-ex, with their legal team, with yours. You need to know who or what else needs to be part of the picture, so you can get the right resources in place.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some things are worth winging. Divorce isn\u2019t. Because divorce isn\u2019t really about the end of a marriage, it\u2019s about your future. I see too many women horsetrading values for physical possessions, or pensions for houses. Not thinking about their future needs. And this is a critical area where I see women needlessly losing money that would make their lives a whole lot more comfortable when they\u2019re older.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A solicitor can advise you on your legal position, and they can do some planning work with you. But they will bill you in six minute increments. It\u2019s far, far more efficient and cost-effective to get your strategy in place first, and then work with your solicitor tactically.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My client, Brenda, had decided to divorce, and found a brilliant solicitor she was really happy with. Hers was a high net worth marriage, so the assets were complicated, and her solicitor was (justifiably) expensive. Brenda booked a <\/span>Clarity Day<\/a><\/strong> with me to map everything out. And then, when she went to the solicitor, it was all so straightforward. The solicitor was free to get on with her job and there was no messy to-ing and fro-ing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get out of overwhelm and into action<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Another way a divorce coach can support you is to get you moving when things have stalled. Divorce can slow down at every stage: from deciding whether to stay or go, to deciding on arrangements to the children, or finances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes a curveball will come your way: perhaps the financial picture isn\u2019t exactly what you thought, your child\u2019s health suffers a setback, or your soon-to-be-ex responds in a way that\u2019s hurtful and out to sabotage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes the decision on what to do next isn\u2019t about the legal process. It\u2019s about getting to a place where you can see the big picture. It\u2019s about proceeding with calm, effective communication so you don\u2019t get pulled into power games that distract from moving the divorce forward, and also end up costing a lot of money. A divorce coach can help with all of this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get the accountability and support to see it through<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Some people are extremely self-motivated, and once they set out to do something, nothing will get in their way. Most of us aren\u2019t like that, I know I\u2019m not all the time! Life happens. Self-esteem or mindset issues trip us up. Other people catch us out with their responses. Or workloads pile up, or a child gets ill, or a parent. And then, one way or another, your divorce stalls.<\/span><\/p>\n

Working with a divorce coach means you will flexibly, compassionately keep your divorce on the agenda. Does that never mean taking a break from it? No! I fully advocate taking regular, planned, breaks from your divorce. It\u2019s important to give yourself permission to switch off. But it does mean you\u2019re in charge of taking the break, you\u2019re not just letting other demands in your life push divorce off the agenda.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the <\/span>Absolute Academy<\/a><\/strong> we have weekly Q&As, and a fully switched on supportive community of other women going through divorce, as well as group experts and me to keep you on track. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint, and together we\u2019ll see you over the finish line.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get the coaching you need, when and how you need it<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

I\u2019m a firm believer in helping you do divorce your way. I want to help you feel confident in what you want and need, now and in the future, and make a plan that achieves that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I wouldn\u2019t be working with integrity if I didn\u2019t offer you a variety of ways to work with me, so you can choose what suits you best. From group support in <\/span>The Absolute Academy<\/a><\/strong>, to a focussed one-off <\/span>Ask The Alchemist<\/a><\/strong> session, to a full <\/span>Clarity Day<\/a><\/strong> in which we work together to get your plan in place, you can choose the coaching you need, when and how you need it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Want to explore how we can work together? Just book a free <\/span>15 minute consultation<\/a><\/strong> here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know many women are unsure of what a divorce coach actually does, and how they help! Get the answers you need on how to make the most of working with a divorce coach here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19543,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-coaching","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/5th-Dec-2024-How-to-make-the-most-of-working-with-a-divorce-coach-min.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-55c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19542"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19542\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}