{"id":19547,"date":"2025-01-09T06:30:57","date_gmt":"2025-01-09T06:30:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19547"},"modified":"2025-01-09T17:31:28","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T17:31:28","slug":"10-years-of-the-divorce-alchemist-an-inside-look-with-emma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/10-years-of-the-divorce-alchemist-an-inside-look-with-emma\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Years Of The Divorce Alchemist! An inside look with Emma"},"content":{"rendered":"

January 2025 marks my ten year Divorce Alchemist anniversary! To mark the occasion, I sat down with my writing sidekick, Gayle Johnson, to talk about how things have changed, both for me, and the women I support, over the past decade. If you\u2019re curious about why I got started, what it was like, and what my number one message is for women getting divorced today, read on!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Ten years of The Divorce Alchemist, Emma! How are you feeling?\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

In some ways, I can\u2019t believe we\u2019re ten years in! It\u2019s a clich\u00e9 but it\u2019s both gone in the blink of an eye and feels like I\u2019ve been doing this forever. I went out with some ex-colleagues from my legal adviser days last month, and got a bit nostalgic for my old team, but, in all honesty, I wouldn\u2019t go back.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I love how I have freedom in this work. The freedom to support women how they need to be supported, and the freedom to do work that fits around my life as Nigel\u2019s full time carer too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[Nigel is Emma\u2019s husband. He has early onset dementia.]<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Can you tell me more about what you mean by freedom?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

I mean when you work within the legal system, or as a mediator, you are caught up in the process. There\u2019s little choice about cases and timing. As well as being a legal adviser, I trained as a family mediator, because I believe passionately in the power of effective communication – it\u2019s a core theme of all my work. When I was mediating, sometimes it just didn\u2019t get anywhere, and people would say \u201cthe mediation process doesn\u2019t work\u201d. But it\u2019s not the mediation itself that\u2019s the problem, it\u2019s the timing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When two people are in mediation and in the right emotional place to mediate, it works brilliantly. But when one person in the process is not actively participating, is bitter, angry, in denial, basically suffering in some way, it doesn\u2019t work. This includes high-conflict personalities. We expect people to engage in mediation when they\u2019re just not ready and it does more harm than good. And I really believe in family mediation, but I believe in people doing it when they are ready to mediate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been a coach for a long time now, I started my training back in 2009. And I have seen what an impact coaching has with facing any life change, whether that\u2019s to do with your career, bereavement, managing serious illness. I\u2019ve been coached a lot over the last ten years, because I know the power it has.<\/span><\/p>\n

Divorce is one of the biggest changes you can go through, your whole life is in turmoil. As a coach I can work flexibly with my clients, at a pace that suits them, in ways that suit them, to really support them as they plan for their future while navigating the life crisis that divorce can bring.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019ll always be grateful for the freedom this way of working brings me, too. I have the most amazing, understanding clients, who totally get it if I sometimes need to nip out from a call for a few minutes to settle Nigel, or if I have to take a while to arrange his care before planning a 1:1 day in London. If I was in employment I\u2019d probably have had to give up my job by now with no plan B. I\u2019m a total believer in the universe, and as stressful as it is running a business and being a full time carer, I just wouldn\u2019t be able to work without these amazing clients.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What are your biggest lessons after ten years?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

I think the three things I\u2019ve learned are patience, to stay in my own lane, and to not try and do it all alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In terms of patience, I suppose I mean persistence. With any new business, it takes time before you start to see results. It takes effort to get set up to build trust with potential clients, to understand what to focus on. I had so many wobbles at the start that it would all fail! I was told that divorce coaching was a nonsense idea (back when I started there were only two of us – it\u2019s very different now!). I wish I could go back and reassure myself. I\u2019d remind myself that divorce coaching can help so many people, that it can change people\u2019s lives – which is what my clients tell me now. I did stick with it, it\u2019s why I\u2019m still here, but that first year wasn\u2019t easy.<\/span><\/p>\n

As for staying in my own lane, if I\u2019m being really honest I get such FOMO when I go on social media and see what other businesses are doing. I\u2019m not doing big speaking gigs, I don\u2019t have the biggest following online, and because I\u2019m not doing everything I sometimes fall into the trap of feeling like I\u2019m failing. But I need to be real, and my reality is that I\u2019m a full time carer, and have really special clients I care about. There are only so many hours in the day, and I just need to focus on getting my message out there so that the people who need me can find me, supporting my amazing clients and being around for Nigel.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I love my team! Right at the start I was doing everything myself: accounts, admin, writing, all of it. And that\u2019s how it needed to be, but I wish I\u2019d built a team as soon as I possibly could have, rather than waiting until I was at breaking point. Success might have come more quickly, and certainly with a lot less stress.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And, of course, all these lessons are true in divorce too. Sometimes it feels like you\u2019re never going to see results for your hard work, right when you\u2019re in the trenches with divorce. But patience and persistence pays off. There is no point comparing your divorce, or your life to anyone else\u2019s. You just need to do you. And it\u2019s absolutely essential to have a team around you when you divorce – including paying for the right professional support if you need it. It will save you a lot of stress!<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What are your hopes for 2025?\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

What\u2019s on my mind a lot at the moment is legacy. I\u2019d love The Divorce Alchemist to continue beyond me, when the time comes. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I don\u2019t envisage retiring – I like doing what I do, so as long as I can do it, I\u2019ll do it!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But when I can\u2019t, I like to think it will continue, with someone else at the helm, that some form of community will exist, that there will be some support for people who can\u2019t use lawyers or who need the emotional support to get to a point of making smart decisions for their future.<\/span><\/p>\n

My\u00a0 biggest ambition for 2025 is for the Absolute Academy to be the go-to destination for women who want support and community as they go through divorce. I\u2019m so proud of the Absolute Academy – since 2016 it\u2019s been the most supportive place for all sorts of women who are navigating divorce: real connection happens in there, between women in all sorts of different circumstances, from those self-representing in the courts to those who have complex financial situations to resolve. Some people stay with me after their divorce because they value the community so much, which tells you a lot!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s been in need of a refresh, and I\u2019ve poured a lot of time over the last year into updating all the online resources and getting things ready behind the scenes. It\u2019s not quite there yet, as I said earlier, I\u2019m having to juggle my work time with Nigel\u2019s care, but I\u2019m really excited to relaunch it this year, and to welcome 50 new women into this fabulous community.<\/span><\/p>\n

And, given everything going on with Nigel, I need to listen to what I say to clients and actually plan some downtime for myself! Between dementia and divorce, there hasn\u2019t been space for much else over the past few years and I know I need to look after myself too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What do you want to say to your clients, or anyone reading this who\u2019s in the midst of divorce?\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

To my clients, past and present, the most heartfelt thank you, for trusting me and for inspiring me. I\u2019ve supported hundreds of women over the past decade, and you\u2019ve all rocked your divorce your own way. Whatever the circumstances, from Ella, who self-represented in a case where there was very little money in the marriage, to Belinda who had significant material wealth but was having to manage divorcing a narcissist, all of my clients show the most amazing resourcefulness and resilience – even when they think they don\u2019t possess these qualities.<\/span><\/p>\n

So to anyone else reading, that\u2019s the message for you too – you do have the resourcefulness and resilience to not only manage your divorce, but to actually get out the other side with your head held high, and look forward to a brighter future. I promise you do. I\u2019ve never met a woman who didn\u2019t. And, of course, I\u2019d love to walk that journey with you in 2025!<\/span><\/p>\n

You can book your free 15 minute consultation with Emma <\/span>here<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

January 2025 marks my ten year Divorce Alchemist anniversary! To mark the occasion, I sat down with my writing sidekick, Gayle Johnson, to talk about how things have changed, both for me, and the women I support, over the past decade. If you\u2019re curious about why I got started, what it was like, and what my number one message is for women getting divorced today, read on!\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19548,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19547","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-coaching"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Jan-2025-10-Years-Of-The-Divorce-Alchemist-An-inside-look-with-Emma-min.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-55h","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19547","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19547"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19547\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19548"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}