{"id":19609,"date":"2025-02-06T06:30:20","date_gmt":"2025-02-06T06:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19609"},"modified":"2025-01-31T07:50:35","modified_gmt":"2025-01-31T07:50:35","slug":"what-to-do-if-youre-overwhelmed-by-a-difficult-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/what-to-do-if-youre-overwhelmed-by-a-difficult-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"What to do if you\u2019re overwhelmed by a difficult divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

No divorce is easy. Absolutely anyone taking on this transition with integrity has my absolute respect. Divorce is ranked second only to the death of a spouse or child in terms of stressful life events, and the world would be a much kinder place if we all recognised how difficult it can be, and gave the divorce the emotional and practical space it needs.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, some factors make divorce even more difficult. If you\u2019re in a financially complex, or very low wealth marriage. If you\u2019re divorcing a high-conflict personality. If you, and\/or your soon-to-be-ex, are neurodivergent. There will be others – let me know which ones affect you, I\u2019d love to hear.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, all of these diverse challenges will require bespoke approaches. I\u2019m not saying that a woman in a high wealth divorce, facing the complexities of how to protect her future, needs to take exactly the same steps as a woman divorcing a narcissist. However, there <\/span>are <\/span><\/i>underpinning principles to help anchor you, whatever the reason your divorce is particularly demanding. Here\u2019s what to do if you\u2019re overwhelmed by a difficult divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Meet Louise<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Louise (not her real name) is AuDHD (is autistic and has ADHD), having received diagnoses in adulthood. She came to me for support having read <\/span>How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/i><\/a><\/strong>. <\/span><\/i>Reading this book helped her make an informed decision to divorce, and she wanted support she could trust as the separation and divorce proceeded. What she hadn\u2019t fully understood at the time was how controlling and obstructive her husband would be during the divorce process. Her husband also succeeded in isolating her from friends and her local community networks, by blaming her and her neurodiversity for their divorce. Her children also struggled to accept the decision to divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As you can see, Louise had several factors that made her divorce more complicated than a neurotypical person in an amicable divorce situation. These factors affected her mental and physical health, and also meant that she needed more support to manage the divorce process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are the strategies Louise implemented to overcome these obstacles and retain control of her divorce and life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Build a community you can trust<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

Louise lost much of her support network when she separated from her husband. Many of her (so-called) friends dropped away, and she no longer felt able to go to places they\u2019d attended together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your sense of self worth can drop through the floor during divorce, especially without a support network around you. So it is absolutely vital to develop trust in yourself, and to seek out people who will genuinely be there for you. This can be a slow process, but every tiny step to rebuilding your sense of self and your community will help you. Here are some things you can do:<\/span><\/p>\n