{"id":19611,"date":"2025-02-20T06:30:39","date_gmt":"2025-02-20T06:30:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19611"},"modified":"2025-03-03T12:38:58","modified_gmt":"2025-03-03T12:38:58","slug":"five-powerful-adhd-divorce-tamers-to-try-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/five-powerful-adhd-divorce-tamers-to-try-today\/","title":{"rendered":"Five powerful ADHD divorce tamers to try today"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the past few years I\u2019ve coached an increasing number of neurodivergent women who are struggling with divorce. While I don\u2019t have ADHD myself (though I share many traits), I am the full time carer of my husband, who has a longstanding diagnosis of ADHD, and I have training and experience in supporting women with ADHD. Here are the top five ADHD divorce-tamers my clients tell me worked for them.<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get someone else on the case<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Don\u2019t get too excited, you can\u2019t fully delegate your divorce! But, especially for people who have ADHD, it can be easy to slip into avoidance mode for the tasks that are a big turn-off. And no-one relishes divorce paperwork.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So get the support and advice you need. If you don\u2019t know where to start, please don\u2019t start with a solicitor – you will be throwing away money. Start by reading <\/span>How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/i><\/a><\/strong>. Read a short chapter every day and reward yourself. This will help you set the scene for divorce and engage in a manageable way.<\/span><\/p>\n

A session with me can help you cut through the overwhelm quickly. You\u2019ll know exactly what you can ignore (which may be a happy surprise!), and what you really need to get a handle on. But how do you face doing the things you absolutely have to do?<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Get accountability<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

For many of my clients with ADHD, having a deadline and having a body double makes all the difference. That letter from the solicitor will remain unopened until you open it, it\u2019s not going to throw itself into your hands.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But if you set yourself a power hour each week to work on the things you want to hide from, and have an accountability buddy there with you, you\u2019ll be able to tackle the things you dread.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Absolute Academy<\/a><\/strong> is a wonderful place to develop accountability and support if you choose to, and the women in there will get it. (And they won\u2019t let you get away with not doing it!).<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Address time blindness<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

As well as executive dysfunction, emotions can play havoc with your ability to get things done when you have ADHD. Feelings such as dread and shame can create a barrier to moving into action. And this is one of the causes of time blindness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen emotions affect my ADHD clients\u2019 assessment of time in two ways. For some, a task they dislike (or think they will dislike) feels like it will take <\/span>forever <\/span><\/i>so it becomes unmanageable and is never tackled. For others, an unappealing task is allocated zero time, because it doesn\u2019t feel worthy of that time. So you put off doing the court paperwork until the last minute because you\u2019d like it to just take a minute and be finished, and then get a shock when it needs several days to work through!<\/span><\/p>\n

One way to address this is to (perhaps with the help of an accountability buddy to make sure it happens) give it ten minutes. Give your task, whether it\u2019s the Form E, your inbox, or looking into your pension, just ten minutes and see what you can achieve.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One of two things will happen. Either you\u2019ll get a happy surprise at how manageable it is, and be more motivated to pick it up again. Or you\u2019ll see how complex it is. Either way, once the ten minutes is up, set yourself one action to move things forward (which may be asking for help from a professional) and a time when you will take that action. Then, repeat the process as many times as necessary.\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Break it down<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

\u2018Sorting your divorce out\u2019 is enough to overwhelm anybody. What you need is to break it down into manageable tasks. And, maybe then also break those tasks down again to the smallest action possible.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But how do you create order from chaos in the first place? If you don\u2019t know where to start, please do read <\/span>How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/i><\/a><\/strong>. There are action points in there to work through. And if you want my help making a personalised plan, <\/span>book a call<\/a><\/strong> to get a coaching session set up.<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Reward, reward, reward<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

I advocate every woman who is navigating divorce takes time out for herself every week. And if you have ADHD, rewarding yourself becomes even more important. Decide what your milestone will be each week, and gift yourself every time you reach it.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s also helpful to reframe how you think about your divorce tasks. This is where connecting to your future self and what lies beyond divorce can help you. Rather than think \u2018I really should open that email because my solicitor will be waiting for me\u2019, reframe it as \u2018I want to respond to that email because it takes me closer to my freedom\u2019. Spend some time thinking about the positives your divorce will bring you, and get excited about the post-divorce life you\u2019ll be living. And let those motivators be the voice in your head rather than the shaming shoulds.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Yes, divorce is hard, but it is do-able, and it can be empowering<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Most women think divorce is something they just have to get through. When you have ADHD, adding another unappetising task to your life is the last thing you want. But, believe me when I say, divorce can be an empowering, transformative experience. It can connect you to what you really want from life, and it can show you just what you\u2019re capable of.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d love to support you as you take control of your divorce. Let\u2019s do it together! Book a <\/span>free 15 minute consultation<\/a><\/strong> to see how I can help you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/span>About Emma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have training and experience in supporting women with ADHD. Here are the top five ADHD divorce-tamers my clients tell me worked for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":19612,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2763,20,397,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-neurodivergence","category-divorce-coaching","category-divorce-self-care","category-divorce-support"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/Feb-20th-2025-Five-powerful-ADHD-divorce-tamers-to-try-today.jpg?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-56j","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19611","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19611"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19611\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19612"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}