{"id":19856,"date":"2025-11-06T05:01:50","date_gmt":"2025-11-06T05:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/?p=19856"},"modified":"2025-11-11T14:15:00","modified_gmt":"2025-11-11T14:15:00","slug":"the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"The 5 Secrets of A Good Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\"> Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #064239;color:#064239\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#good_divorce_stops_the_rot\">Good divorce stops the rot<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#good_divorce_puts_the_children_first\">Good divorce puts the children first<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#good_divorce_needs_good_communication\">Good divorce needs good communication<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#good_divorce_has_a_strategy\">Good divorce has a strategy\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#good_divorce_unlocks_your_future\">Good divorce unlocks your future\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/the-5-secrets-of-a-good-divorce\/#about_emma\">About Emma<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\nDivorce gets a bad rap, and it\u2019s easy to see why. It\u2019s number three on the list of stressful life events (topped only by the death of a spouse or child). No-one enters into marriage expecting it to end. And there are far too many stories of divorces going horribly &#8211; acrimonious splits, battles over children, family finances poured into solicitor&#8217;s fees.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m here to tell you that while all that can be true, there is another way. It <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> possible to have a good divorce. It takes work, and it doesn\u2019t mean everything will be perfect, but it\u2019s possible. Here are my five secrets of a good divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"good_divorce_stops_the_rot\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce stops the rot<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you push the fact your marriage is over under the rug, everything festers. Your relationship with your spouse gets even worse, because you feel trapped. Your stress levels shoot up, because you\u2019re living with this horrible truth, and you\u2019re trying to mask it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hear so many women tell me they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/5-signs-you-are-ready-for-divorce\/\">know their marriage is done<\/a>, but they\u2019re hanging on in there until the children are at university, or until they get a promotion, or until the housing market changes, or\u2026 [insert your reason here].<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The truth is, a good divorce:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">preserves a decent working relationship with your spouse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">means happier, more effective co-parenting<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">costs you less stress and money<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce feels better than a bad marriage &#8211; both during and after the process. Yes, divorce is stressful, but, and you know this in your bones, a bad marriage is hell. It\u2019s living a lie, it\u2019s exhausting and it\u2019s wasting your life away. A good divorce means you can finally focus on what\u2019s important. How to live the life you want to live.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"good_divorce_puts_the_children_first\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce puts the children first<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If I could bust any myth about divorce it\u2019s that you should \u2018stay together for the kids\u2019. What does this teach children? It teaches them what an unhappy relationship looks like &#8211; which means that\u2019s what they\u2019ll expect for themselves. It teaches them to put their happiness to one side, and to accept being treated badly. It trains them to communicate with animosity and frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your marriage is over, you owe it to your children as well as yourself to take the reins in divorce. Show them what it\u2019s like to live with integrity, and treat yourself and those around you with respect, and boundaries. And give them a home life that\u2019s peaceful, not ruptured with arguments and tension.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But don\u2019t take it from me, here\u2019s what a client\u2019s child, Ben, says about it:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThey were always fighting and I never got to spend time with anybody but the dog and the TV and the toys. We couldn\u2019t even eat dinner without it bursting into an argument. Now what I love is that they have different houses and there\u2019s good things about being with each of them. With Mum, we love to go on walks and when we come home, all we have to do is just snuggle up with a blanket, and watch TV for a little time. And with Dad, l get to game properly &#8211; Mum\u2019s terrible at that.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce means your children get to be children again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"good_divorce_needs_good_communication\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce needs good communication<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does good communication look like? That depends. Communication is a two way street and you can only be responsible for your part.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ideally, both you and your spouse will:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have a common goal of amicable divorce<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Listen to each other<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communicate with openness, honesty and clarity<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Own up if you mess up<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most effective ways to do this is with the support of a trained family mediator. Their role as an impartial third party is to help you have open, productive communication, in which you work through conflict and reach agreement, particularly on financial and child arrangements.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if your spouse can\u2019t or won\u2019t commit to mutually respectful conversation? Then you need to protect yourself and turn to BIFF, a style of communication set out by <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ggXhQLihi54\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Billy Eddy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Brief &#8211; don\u2019t invite big discussion<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Informative &#8211; move the divorce along, stay on task<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Firm &#8211; be clear about your boundaries<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Friendly &#8211; be respectful and civil.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good communication takes work! It\u2019s one of the major things I support clients with. But it\u2019s worth it in fairer child and financial arrangements, as well as the self respect you\u2019ll get from advocating for yourself properly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"good_divorce_has_a_strategy\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce has a strategy\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I cannot stress this enough. Don\u2019t go with the flow with your divorce! Yes, it\u2019s great to be flexible, because curveballs happen. But, without a strategy, how do you know what you want your life, and your children\u2019s lives, to look like? And how do you know what steps you need to take to get there?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce means you take control: of your money, your goals, your home, your decisions. And you can\u2019t do that by hiding and hoping. You do that by stepping up. I talk about divorcing like a CEO because that\u2019s what you need to be: someone who understands what they want and need, and harnesses the resources they have to get there. Whatever your life looks like right now, you can and need to divorce like a CEO.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"good_divorce_unlocks_your_future\"><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce unlocks your future\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce is not just about the end of your marriage. That\u2019s not even the main event. It\u2019s about the start of the rest of your life. A good divorce will leave you empowered, in control and excited for your future. Which is miles away from what life in an unhealthy marriage is like.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There\u2019s too much at stake to settle for a bad marriage or a bad divorce. You owe it to yourself to take the steps your future self is desperate for you to take. Working with me will save you time, money and stress: you\u2019ll feel informed, equipped and excited for what the future holds. And I\u2019m excited for you too! Let\u2019s do this together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/tidycal.com\/bookemma\/initial-consultation\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Book your free call today.<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"about_emma\"><\/span>About Emma<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/about-me-emma-heptonstall\/\" data-abc=\"true\"><b>Emma Heptonstall,<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/How-Be-Lady-Who-Leaves\/dp\/1999631501\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-abc=\"true\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/b><\/span><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released \u2018Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u2019. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?\u00a0<strong><a class=\"ProsemirrorEditor-link\" href=\"https:\/\/emmaheptonstall.com\/yes\">click here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/gb\/podcast\/the-six-minute-divorce-podcast-with-emma-heptonstall\/id1547792197\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-abc=\"true\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>The Six Minute Divorce Podcast<\/b><\/span><\/a>. To find out more visit\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/\" data-abc=\"true\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_social_media_follow follow_button=&#8221;on&#8221; icon_color=&#8221;#064239&#8243; icon_color_tablet=&#8221;#064239&#8243; icon_color_phone=&#8221;#064239&#8243; icon_color_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#FFFFFF&#8221; custom_button=&#8221;on&#8221; button_text_color=&#8221;#064239&#8243; button_bg_color=&#8221;#f9ecec&#8221; text_orientation=&#8221;center&#8221; background_layout=&#8221;dark&#8221; global_module=&#8221;19816&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=&#8221;facebook&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/thedivorcealchemist&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#C899A5&#8243; background_enable_color=&#8221;on&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; follow_button=&#8221;on&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221;]facebook[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=&#8221;instagram&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/divorcealchemy&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#ea2c59&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; follow_button=&#8221;on&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221;]instagram[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=&#8221;linkedin&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/emmaheptonstall&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#007bb6&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; follow_button=&#8221;on&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221;]linkedin[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][et_pb_social_media_follow_network social_network=&#8221;pinterest&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.pinterest.co.uk\/thedivorcealchemist\/&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#cb2027&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; follow_button=&#8221;on&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221;]pinterest[\/et_pb_social_media_follow_network][\/et_pb_social_media_follow][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In The 5 secrets of a good divorce, I share with you my top tips for having the best divorce you can for yourself and your children. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">[ez-toc]Divorce gets a bad rap, and it\u2019s easy to see why. It\u2019s number three on the list of stressful life events (topped only by the death of a spouse or child). No-one enters into marriage expecting it to end. And there are far too many stories of divorces going horribly - acrimonious splits, battles over children, family finances poured into solicitor's fees.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m here to tell you that while all that can be true, there is another way. It <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> possible to have a good divorce. It takes work, and it doesn\u2019t mean everything will be perfect, but it\u2019s possible. Here are my five secrets of a good divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><br \/><br \/><\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce stops the rot<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you push the fact your marriage is over under the rug, everything festers. Your relationship with your spouse gets even worse, because you feel trapped. Your stress levels shoot up, because you\u2019re living with this horrible truth, and you\u2019re trying to mask it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hear so many women tell me they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/5-signs-you-are-ready-for-divorce\/\">know their marriage is done<\/a>, but they\u2019re hanging on in there until the children are at university, or until they get a promotion, or until the housing market changes, or\u2026 [insert your reason here].<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The truth is, a good divorce:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">preserves a decent working relationship with your spouse<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">means happier, more effective co-parenting<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">costs you less stress and money<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce feels better than a bad marriage - both during and after the process. Yes, divorce is stressful, but, and you know this in your bones, a bad marriage is hell. It\u2019s living a lie, it\u2019s exhausting and it\u2019s wasting your life away. A good divorce means you can finally focus on what\u2019s important. How to live the life you want to live.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce puts the children first<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If I could bust any myth about divorce it\u2019s that you should \u2018stay together for the kids\u2019. What does this teach children? It teaches them what an unhappy relationship looks like - which means that\u2019s what they\u2019ll expect for themselves. It teaches them to put their happiness to one side, and to accept being treated badly. It trains them to communicate with animosity and frustration.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your marriage is over, you owe it to your children as well as yourself to take the reins in divorce. Show them what it\u2019s like to live with integrity, and treat yourself and those around you with respect, and boundaries. And give them a home life that\u2019s peaceful, not ruptured with arguments and tension.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But don\u2019t take it from me, here\u2019s what a client\u2019s child, Ben, says about it:<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThey were always fighting and I never got to spend time with anybody but the dog and the TV and the toys. We couldn\u2019t even eat dinner without it bursting into an argument. Now what I love is that they have different houses and there\u2019s good things about being with each of them. With Mum, we love to go on walks and when we come home, all we have to do is just snuggle up with a blanket, and watch TV for a little time. And with Dad, l get to game properly - Mum\u2019s terrible at that.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce means your children get to be children again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce needs good communication<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does good communication look like? That depends. Communication is a two way street and you can only be responsible for your part.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ideally, both you and your spouse will:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have a common goal of amicable divorce<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Listen to each other<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communicate with openness, honesty and clarity<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Own up if you mess up<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most effective ways to do this is with the support of a trained family mediator. Their role as an impartial third party is to help you have open, productive communication, in which you work through conflict and reach agreement, particularly on financial and child arrangements.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if your spouse can\u2019t or won\u2019t commit to mutually respectful conversation? Then you need to protect yourself and turn to BIFF, a style of communication set out by <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ggXhQLihi54\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Billy Eddy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">:<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Brief - don\u2019t invite big discussion<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Informative - move the divorce along, stay on task<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Firm - be clear about your boundaries<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Friendly - be respectful and civil.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good communication takes work! It\u2019s one of the major things I support clients with. But it\u2019s worth it in fairer child and financial arrangements, as well as the self respect you\u2019ll get from advocating for yourself properly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce has a strategy\u00a0<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I cannot stress this enough. Don\u2019t go with the flow with your divorce! Yes, it\u2019s great to be flexible, because curveballs happen. But, without a strategy, how do you know what you want your life, and your children\u2019s lives, to look like? And how do you know what steps you need to take to get there?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good divorce means you take control: of your money, your goals, your home, your decisions. And you can\u2019t do that by hiding and hoping. You do that by stepping up. I talk about divorcing like a CEO because that\u2019s what you need to be: someone who understands what they want and need, and harnesses the resources they have to get there. Whatever your life looks like right now, you can and need to divorce like a CEO.<\/span><\/p><p><br \/><br \/><\/p><h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good divorce unlocks your future\u00a0<\/span><\/h2><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce is not just about the end of your marriage. That\u2019s not even the main event. It\u2019s about the start of the rest of your life. A good divorce will leave you empowered, in control and excited for your future. Which is miles away from what life in an unhealthy marriage is like.<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There\u2019s too much at stake to settle for a bad marriage or a bad divorce. You owe it to yourself to take the steps your future self is desperate for you to take. Working with me will save you time, money and stress: you\u2019ll feel informed, equipped and excited for what the future holds. And I\u2019m excited for you too! Let\u2019s do this together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/tidycal.com\/bookemma\/initial-consultation\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Book your free call today.<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1841,13],"tags":[2771,2784,2783],"class_list":["post-19856","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-divorce-and-mental-health","category-the-divorce-process","tag-communication","tag-divorce-and-children","tag-good-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-5ag","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19856","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19856"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19856\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19856"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19856"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19856"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}