[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ text_font=”Raleway||||||||” text_font_size=”16px” header_font=”Dancing Script||||||||” header_text_align=”justify” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_align=”justify” header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ text_orientation=”justified” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
One of the biggest worries around getting divorced is money. Money and divorce is so emotive isn’t it? Even when divorce becomes a necessity, there can be that voice in your head saying, \u201cI can\u2019t afford it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n And sometimes, the money just isn\u2019t there. You can\u2019t afford to rack up solicitor\u2019s costs, and you can\u2019t afford to get specialist help navigating the divorce process. There isn\u2019t a buffer, there isn\u2019t a fairy godmother and it leaves you feeling trapped and stuck. So what to do? <\/span><\/p>\n Here are seven things to do when you\u2019re stuck financially \u2013 they are either free or very low cost:<\/span><\/p>\n If your financial circumstances are a worry, it makes sense to research what provision is there to support you. The current fee for divorce is \u00a3550. You may be entitled to a fee exemption if you\u2019re not working. <\/span><\/p>\n Check your entitlement to benefits to see if there\u2019s any money you could be claiming. Explore whether you qualify for legal aid, and whether you can use this to fund family mediation. The Citizens Advice Bureau<\/span><\/a> is a good place to go for help navigating what services and funds you can access. <\/span><\/p>\n If you are experiencing domestic abuse (in any form \u2013 it doesn\u2019t have to be physical), you may be able to access legal aid to divorce. Make sure you access specialist support to help you \u2013 Womens\u2019 Aid<\/span><\/a> is a good place to start. <\/span><\/p>\n For more on how to access free support, check out the resource list on my website<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s free! And you\u2019re reading this on it, of course, so you\u2019re in the right place. I have over 50 posts covering a range of topics from understanding whether you\u2019re ready to divorce, to finances, to family mediation and when to seek a solicitor. It\u2019s a great place to get more informed. Visit www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n Ladies Who Leave is my free Facebook community with 900 members. It\u2019s a place for women who are at any stage in their divorce journey \u2013 from considering it to making practical decisions about the future. There\u2019s lots of legal information from me in there, all archived as video or written posts so you can find the information you need, including the topic of money and divorce. It\u2019s also a great place to connect with other women who are in similar situations, compare notes and realise you\u2019re not alone. Join us here<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s never been easier to access information \u2013 Google can help answer all sorts of questions. The key here is ask the right questions and to be cautious about trusting the information \u2013 anyone can be an expert online! I find it helpful to use this PROMPT acronym from The Open University when looking at information sources:<\/span><\/p>\n Provenance<\/b><\/span> \u2013 Who is providing the information? Is it clear who the authors are and where the facts\/research have come from?<\/span><\/p>\n Relevance<\/b><\/span> \u2013 How relevant is the information to your particular need? For example, information on the legal jurisdiction in Australia is not going to be helpful to you if you want to get divorced in England and Wales. <\/span><\/p>\n Objectivity<\/b><\/span> \u2013 Does the author have an agenda? Is there position or interest made clear? For example, it may be that information from divorcees may be flavoured by their own personal experiences and emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n Method<\/span> <\/b>\u2013 OK, this is less likely to be relevant to your divorce research, but it\u2019s part of the acronym so I\u2019m including it! And it\u2019s always worth considering how research was conducted. For example, if you read somewhere that 100% of women were happier after divorce, you might want to know how many women were involved in the study, what their circumstances were, who funded the research etc. It\u2019s a good idea to ask questions and not take research at face value.<\/span><\/p>\n Presentation<\/b><\/span> \u2013 is the information clear? Sometimes you may need advice interpreting what you\u2019ve read, especially when it comes to legal terms.<\/span><\/p>\n Timeliness<\/b><\/span> \u2013 How up to date is the research? While the law doesn\u2019t change very frequently, you want to make sure you\u2019re not looking at outdated information. <\/span><\/p>\n Like Google, YouTube can provide a wealth of information, easily searchable. It\u2019s a great resource, espccially if you prefer to get your information verbally and visually rather than through documents or government websites. The same caution applies though \u2013 use the PROMPT acronym to sense-check the validity of the information you\u2019re getting, rather than taking everything at face value. <\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re using the PROMPT checklist I mentioned earlier, then you\u2019ll probably be thinking, \u201cOf course she\u2019ll recommend her own book, she wrote it, she\u2019s hardly objective!\u201d And you\u2019re right of course. But I didn\u2019t write that book simply to get my name in print. I wrote it because I know that getting divorced is a journey, and the book is there to help you every step of the way. <\/span><\/p>\n It combines the knowledge and understanding from my career in legal practice, my mediation training and my coaching expertise to help you work through the issues in the right order, ask the right questions and cut through the noise, at your own pace. It\u2019s full of relevant, up-to-date legal information. So if you\u2019re looking for a one-stop guide to navigating your divorce, including the issue of money and divorce, this easy read volume will help! You can buy a print or kindle copy from Amazon<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n Club D36<\/a><\/span> is my private community where I offer close, regular support to women ready to get serious about divorce. Again, you might ask why you should trust me to recommend my own services (this smaller membership club comes with a small fee of just \u00a336 per month)! Well \u2013 it\u2019s because I know that this sort of timely support can really make the difference and save women hundreds or thousands in solicitors\u2019 fees. <\/span><\/p>\n I set it up to help women who are ready to get proactive. Whereas the Ladies Who Leave Group is great for exploring, Club D36 is all about taking action. You get access to resources, weekly Q&As and a community of women who are ready to take control. If you\u2019d like to join us, I\u2019d love to see you in there<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, though, money\u2019s not the real block. Money is a resource, just like our time and energy. We give our time, money and energy to the things we prioritise. Now I would never encourage anyone to skimp on food or max out their credit card to invest in support. But sometimes we know we could pay for a service that will make all the difference and we use money as the reason not to. It\u2019s not just about getting support with your divorce \u2013 it could be with anything.<\/span><\/p>\n Why is that? In my experience, it comes down to fear. Usually the fear sits in two camps:<\/span><\/p>\n This fear tells us \u201cDon\u2019t open the box, it\u2019s too scary!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n This fear tells us that the questions we need to ask of ourselves are too scary, the journey too difficult. Perhaps it\u2019s getting honest about our money situation we\u2019re scared of, perhaps it\u2019s about taking on what seems like the marathon process of getting divorced. Perhaps it\u2019s the emotional turmoil of coming face to face with difficult feelings of shame or guilt for your situation (which, by the way, are perfectly normal, despite the fact getting divorced is nothing to feel ashamed about). <\/span><\/p>\n This fear is trying to keep us safe. But it ends up keeping us stuck. <\/span><\/p>\n This fear tells us \u201cDon\u2019t spend money when there are no guarantees!\u201d And it\u2019s got a point. Simply spending money on something doesn\u2019t guarantee you\u2019ll get the outcome you want. Buying a car, then not driving it doesn\u2019t give you the freedom to hit the road. Joining the gym, then not going doesn\u2019t help you get any fitter. <\/span><\/p>\n But when you do the work \u2013 when you follow the guidelines, put the effort in, you do get results. <\/span><\/p>\n So you need to flip this fear on its head \u2013 rather than \u2018What if it doesn\u2019t work?\u201d ask yourself, \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t I do the work?\u201d And sometimes, it\u2019s because you\u2019re not in the right place, you\u2019re not divorce ready. And that\u2019s ok. Check my blog on this topic<\/span><\/a> to see whether it resonates with you.<\/span><\/p>\n But if you are ready, check back with yourself on the money question. There is so much support available to you. What action can you take today \u2013 using your time and energy, if not your money \u2013 towards the life you really want to be living?<\/span><\/p>\n To help you get over your fears (whether money is really an issue or not), I’m running Get Divorce Ready – The Back to School Challenge<\/a> <\/strong><\/em><\/span>from 10th – 14th September. Throughout the challenge, you’ll receive daily emails containing hints, tips and action steps that you can take to get yourself ready for divorce. here’s the thing, there’s no financial commitment to joining, it’s free. The commitment I ask you to make is to yourself. To open the emails and do the work. Doing the work, works!<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" 7 things to do when money gets in the way of your divorce Money and divorce One of the biggest worries around getting divorced is money. Money and divorce is so emotive isn’t it? Even when divorce becomes a necessity, there can be that voice in your head saying, \u201cI can\u2019t afford it.\u201d\u00a0 And sometimes, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4218,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-thinking-about-a-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/EH_BlogImage-2.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-161","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4217","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4217"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4217\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>Use government and other free agencies<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Use my blog<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Join Ladies Who Leave <\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Use Google<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Search YouTube<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Read How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Join Club D36<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>The \u2018what am I going to unleash\u2019 fear<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>The \u2018what if it doesn\u2019t work\u2019 fear<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Join Get Divorce Ready – The Back to School Challenge<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n