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Writing a guide to spending Christmas without your children <\/em>was important and yet not easy. One of the most painful aspects of separation and divorce can be Christmas without your children. If both parents are involved with parenting, it\u2019s likely that every separated parent will experience this at some point. Whether it\u2019s for a few hours or a few days, it still hurts. Here are some tips for getting through the festive season when you\u2019re separated.<\/p>\n Separation from your children, especially at such an emotional time, strikes at the very heart of being a parent. It hurts and there\u2019s no getting away from that. Accept that you will feel sad, perhaps angry, and allow your feelings. If you have trusted friends or family you can share your sadness with, do. It\u2019s a good idea to be positive in front of the children, but there\u2019s no need for you to be strong all the time.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t let your children feel responsible for any sadness you\u2019re feeling. Support them in their excitement and happiness as they look forward to Christmas Day. Let them know you love them, you\u2019re happy for them and you\u2019re excited on their behalf. If they\u2019re nervous about being away from you, reassure them that you\u2019re there for them no matter what, and help them look forward to the fun times they\u2019ll be having while they\u2019re away<\/p>\n We can often feel obligated to please other family members at this year, and race around making sure everyone else is happy. This time, give yourself a free pass on the social obligations. Do what is right for you, whether that\u2019s spending Christmas with family, friends or on your own. Think about what will help you feel most relaxed and supported. Perhaps you have family who will look after you and you can just switch off for a few days. Perhaps you have friends who are in a similar position and you can join together to do Christmas on your own terms this year. Or perhaps you just want time alone, whether at home or taking yourself away somewhere completely different.<\/p>\n As we discussed on the previous blog<\/a>, it\u2019s easier on everyone if you agree Christmas plans well in advance. But whenever you do it, make sure everyone knows what\u2019s going to happen on Christmas Day when your children are away. Ensure you and your ex are clear on when you\u2019ll be in touch and how: will you call or Skype at a particular time? Will you drop by for an hour with presents?<\/p>\n If contact on the day causes conflict, think about agreeing to no contact. This may feel painful for you, but can be easier on the children, rather than putting them in the middle of a heated conversation or power struggle. Make sure they know in advance this will happen, and that you will have extra Christmas hugs and fun for them when they\u2019re next with you. Whatever your Christmas plans, please be gentle on yourself. Build in time to rest, to be with your feelings and to do things that make you feel good \u2013 perhaps activities that wouldn\u2019t be possible with your children around. And if 2019 is the year you want to nail your divorce and come out the other side feeling positive and in control, message me to book in a chat for the new year. 30 minute consultations with me are free and together we can work out just how best I can support you from as little as \u00a336 per month.<\/p>\n Book a call with Emma<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A guide to spending Christmas without your childrenWriting a guide to spending Christmas without your children was important and yet not easy. One of the most painful aspects of separation and divorce can be Christmas without your children. If both parents are involved with parenting, it\u2019s likely that every separated parent will experience this at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Writing a guide to spending Christmas without your children <\/em>was important and yet not easy. One of the most painful aspects of separation and divorce can be Christmas without your children. If both parents are involved with parenting, it\u2019s likely that every separated parent will experience this at some point. Whether it\u2019s for a few hours or a few days, it still hurts.<\/p> Here are some tips for getting through the festive season when you\u2019re separated.<\/p> Separation from your children, especially at such an emotional time, strikes at the very heart of being a parent. It hurts and there\u2019s no getting away from that. Accept that you will feel sad, perhaps angry, and allow your feelings. If you have trusted friends or family you can share your sadness with, do. It\u2019s a good idea to be positive in front of the children, but there\u2019s no need for you to be strong all the time.<\/p> Don\u2019t let your children feel responsible for any sadness you\u2019re feeling. Support them in their excitement and happiness as they look forward to Christmas Day. Let them know you love them, you\u2019re happy for them and you\u2019re excited on their behalf. If they\u2019re nervous about being away from you, reassure them that you\u2019re there for them no matter what, and help them look forward to the fun times they\u2019ll be having while they\u2019re away<\/p> We can often feel obligated to please other family members at this year, and race around making sure everyone else is happy. This time, give yourself a free pass on the social obligations. Do what is right for you, whether that\u2019s spending Christmas with family, friends or on your own.<\/p> Think about what will help you feel most relaxed and supported. Perhaps you have family who will look after you and you can just switch off for a few days. Perhaps you have friends who are in a similar position and you can join together to do Christmas on your own terms this year. Or perhaps you just want time alone, whether at home or taking yourself away somewhere completely different.<\/p> As we discussed on the previous blog<\/a>, it\u2019s easier on everyone if you agree Christmas plans well in advance. But whenever you do it, make sure everyone knows what\u2019s going to happen on Christmas Day when your children are away. Ensure you and your ex are clear on when you\u2019ll be in touch and how: will you call or Skype at a particular time? Will you drop by for an hour with presents?<\/p> If contact on the day causes conflict, think about agreeing to no contact. This may feel painful for you, but can be easier on the children, rather than putting them in the middle of a heated conversation or power struggle. Make sure they know in advance this will happen, and that you will have extra Christmas hugs and fun for them when they\u2019re next with you.<\/p> Whatever your Christmas plans, please be gentle on yourself. Build in time to rest, to be with your feelings and to do things that make you feel good \u2013 perhaps activities that wouldn\u2019t be possible with your children around.<\/p> And if 2019 is the year you want to nail your divorce and come out the other side feeling positive and in control, message me to book in a chat for the new year. 30 minute consultations with me are free and together we can work out just how best I can support you from as little as \u00a336 per month.<\/p> Book a call with Emma<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[42,34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas","category-children-and-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/EH_BlogImage-4.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-17P","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4329"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4329\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>It\u2019s OK not to be OK<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Send them off with love<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Look after yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Agree Christmas Day contact<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>When contact causes conflict<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>The Divorce Alchemist<\/span><\/h2>\n
A guide to spending Christmas without your children<\/h1>
It\u2019s OK not to be OK<\/h2>
Send them off with love<\/h2>
Look after yourself<\/h2>
Agree Christmas Day contact<\/h2>
The Divorce Alchemist<\/h2>