[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ text_font_size=”16px” header_text_color=”#c5b2b1″ header_2_text_color=”#c984a4″ text_orientation=”justified” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong>Well done. You made a big decision. The decision to divorce is never easy. Guilty, worry and anxiety with sadness and grief can be an overwhelming combination.\u00a0So you’ve decided to divorce. What now?<\/em> You\u2019ve got here. Recognise that in itself is an achievement. You\u2019ve thought about the options. You\u2019ve considered relationship counselling. You\u2019ve looked at what it is you can change in yourself, and whether that will make a difference to your marriage. Perhaps you’ve worked through\u00a07 Simple Steps<\/em> You know what\u2019s important to you in life. And you\u2019ve decided divorce is the way to go. So what on earth do you do now? Hold onto your seats, because I know my answer is going to knock you for six.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong>That\u2019s right. No picking up the phone to all and sundry to break the news. Or, heaven forbid, to a solicitor. No Facebook announcements. And no rushing to tell your soon-to-be-ex-husband it\u2019s all over. \u00a0 I know it sounds counter-intuitive, especially if this has been brewing for some time. I know that for some of you, the action-takers, a pause at this stage feels impossible. But it\u2019s an important part of the divorce process, if you want to do it on your terms, rather than be swept away on an emotional rollercoaster. \u00a0 Here\u2019s why.<\/p>\n Letting things sit for a while means you get a whole lot more comfortable with them. Think of it like buying a new pair of fancy shoes (or walking boots, if that\u2019s more your thing). Before you embark on an eight-hour jaunt \u2013 whether that\u2019s a night on the dance floor or a hike up the mountain – you break them in. \u00a0 And that\u2019s how it is with your decision to divorce. Give yourself time to sit with it, get comfortable. Own it. That will give you so much more confidence when you do take action.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re a gardener you\u2019ll know that you don\u2019t plant many seeds straight out into the veg or flower beds in cold weather. And even if you do, you prepare the ground first. Often, when you plant seeds, you nurture them indoors, where they are safe from the elements and you can tend them carefully. \u00a0 And so it is with your divorce. Don\u2019t expose your newly made decision to the elements of criticism, questions and what-ifs straight away. By this point, you\u2019ve already done the thinking about other options. You know they\u2019re not right for you. So don\u2019t let other people\u2019s shock and bias take you back there. Give yourself time to strengthen first.<\/p>\n When you do nothing, you can think about how you want to share your news. And this can make all the difference \u2013 especially with your soon-to-be-ex. You get to set the tone, the level and the nature of communication. \u00a0 You\u2019ll approach that conversation with more ease and confidence, and your ex will pick up on that, as will others around you. I often help clients at this stage \u2013 some people find it helpful to talk through exactly what they mean and what they want and need to say. It can head off conflict and escalation at the pass. \u00a0 Remember, you can\u2019t control how others react. But by being clear about your decision, and why, without descending into emotional blame games from the start, you raise the odds of a lower conflict divorce, which is a good thing all round.<\/p>\n When it\u2019s high conflict, the same principles don\u2019t apply. Of course, if you are concerned about your emotional or physical safety, you need to take action. And it\u2019s wise to gather your resources \u2013 locate your paperwork, identify your support crew, call in the experts who can help you. I am the UK\u2019s only trained high conflict divorce coach, and I can help you get through this. \u00a0 So, are you ready for the next step? Contact me to book in a call and get your divorce moving, your way.<\/p>\n Message Emma<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So you\u2019ve decided to divorce. What now? \u00a0Well done. You made a big decision. The decision to divorce is never easy. Guilty, worry and anxiety with sadness and grief can be an overwhelming combination.\u00a0So you’ve decided to divorce. What now? You\u2019ve got here. Recognise that in itself is an achievement. You\u2019ve thought about the options. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4432,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" \u00a0<\/strong>Well done. You made a big decision. The decision to divorce is never easy. Guilty, worry and anxiety with sadness and grief can be an overwhelming combination.\u00a0So you've decided to divorce. What now?<\/em><\/p> You\u2019ve got here. Recognise that in itself is an achievement.<\/p> You\u2019ve thought about the options.<\/p> You\u2019ve considered relationship counselling.<\/p> You\u2019ve looked at what it is you can change in yourself, and whether that will make a difference to your marriage.<\/p> Perhaps you've worked through\u00a07 Simple Steps<\/a><\/em><\/p> You know what\u2019s important to you in life.<\/p> And you\u2019ve decided divorce is the way to go.<\/p> So what on earth do you do now?<\/p> Hold onto your seats, because I know my answer is going to knock you for six.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> \u00a0<\/strong>That\u2019s right. No picking up the phone to all and sundry to break the news. Or, heaven forbid, to a solicitor. No Facebook announcements. And no rushing to tell your soon-to-be-ex-husband it\u2019s all over.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> I know it sounds counter-intuitive, especially if this has been brewing for some time. I know that for some of you, the action-takers, a pause at this stage feels impossible. But it\u2019s an important part of the divorce process, if you want to do it on your terms, rather than be swept away on an emotional rollercoaster.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Here\u2019s why.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Letting things sit for a while means you get a whole lot more comfortable with them. Think of it like buying a new pair of fancy shoes (or walking boots, if that\u2019s more your thing). Before you embark on an eight-hour jaunt \u2013 whether that\u2019s a night on the dance floor or a hike up the mountain - you break them in.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> And that\u2019s how it is with your decision to divorce. Give yourself time to sit with it, get comfortable. Own it. That will give you so much more confidence when you do take action.<\/p> If you\u2019re a gardener you\u2019ll know that you don\u2019t plant many seeds straight out into the veg or flower beds in cold weather. And even if you do, you prepare the ground first. Often, when you plant seeds, you nurture them indoors, where they are safe from the elements and you can tend them carefully.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> And so it is with your divorce. Don\u2019t expose your newly made decision to the elements of criticism, questions and what-ifs straight away. By this point, you\u2019ve already done the thinking about other options. You know they\u2019re not right for you. So don\u2019t let other people\u2019s shock and bias take you back there. Give yourself time to strengthen first.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When you do nothing, you can think about how you want to share your news. And this can make all the difference \u2013 especially with your soon-to-be-ex. You get to set the tone, the level and the nature of communication.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> You\u2019ll approach that conversation with more ease and confidence, and your ex will pick up on that, as will others around you. I often help clients at this stage \u2013 some people find it helpful to talk through exactly what they mean and what they want and need to say. It can head off conflict and escalation at the pass.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Remember, you can\u2019t control how others react. But by being clear about your decision, and why, without descending into emotional blame games from the start, you raise the odds of a lower conflict divorce, which is a good thing all round.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When it\u2019s high conflict, the same principles don\u2019t apply. Of course, if you are concerned about your emotional or physical safety, you need to take action. And it\u2019s wise to gather your resources \u2013 locate your paperwork, identify your support crew, call in the experts who can help you. I am the UK\u2019s only trained high conflict divorce coach, and I can help you get through this.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> So, are you ready for the next step? Contact me to book in a call and get your divorce moving, your way.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Message Emma<\/a><\/p> Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-i-want-to-leave-my-husband"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Copy-of-Copy-of-EH_BlogImage.png?fit=1000%2C516&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6aDhr-19t","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4431"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4431\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4432"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emmaheptonstall.com\/divorce-coaching\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/span>You do nothing.<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>You get clarity<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>You nurture seeds<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>It will save you time and pain in the long run<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>When it\u2019s high conflict\u2026<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>The Divorce Alchemist<\/span><\/h2>\n
So you\u2019ve decided to divorce. What now?<\/h1>
You do nothing.<\/h2>
You get clarity<\/h2>
\u00a0<\/h2>
You nurture seeds<\/h2>
It will save you time and pain in the long run<\/h2>
When it\u2019s high conflict\u2026<\/h2>
The Divorce Alchemist<\/h2>