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If you\u2019ve read my book<\/a>, my blogs, or seen any of my Facebook Lives, you\u2019ll know I always advocate personal responsibility.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s up to us to examine ourselves, and make choices we are happy with. Equally, it is impossible to be responsible for how adults around us behave. That\u2019s their business.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n What\u2019s all this got to do with divorce?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Well, of course, a divorce centres on two people. Whether you\u2019ve decided to leave, or your spouse has, it takes two of you to make it happen. That means two points of view, two sides to every debate. It can mean high emotion battling or it can mean a more collaborative, smooth road.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Unfortunately you don\u2019t get to make that decision. You get to stack the odds by the way you behave \u2013 but you can\u2019t control how your ex acts and feels.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So, the first part of the picture is up to you. What do you want from this divorce? Think about:<\/p>\n Divorce is an opportunity to reclaim your values and identity. So it\u2019s critical to give some time to these questions. Perhaps your first thought it that you want to get as much out of a financial settlement as is legally possible. And that\u2019s absolutely your prerogative. But you might also decide that you want the freedom and wider social circles that divorce brings \u2013 and so you weigh up what\u2019s important.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Have you spoken to your soon-to-be-ex-husband about divorce in any depth? Do you know how he feels about it? Keeping communication open and blame-free as much as possible will help you understand each other (though this is not always possible \u2013 see the section below for why).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you understand each other\u2019s wants and needs, and keep the emotion out of your discussions, you are more likely to be able to negotiate a lower-cost, less-hassle divorce. Mediation can help with this, and is often a better first port of call than the divorce solicitors.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n How you handle divorce and communication with your ex depends on your relationship. Are you in a high conflict situation?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It can be hard to know the difference when tempers are high and emotions run wild, but people with high conflict personalities usually have these characteristics:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For more on understanding whether you\u2019re in a high conflict divorce, check out this blog<\/a>. You may also benefit from contacting Women’s Aid<\/a> (remember to check the ‘cover my tracks’ button before you leave the site).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you are in a high conflict divorce, awareness is key. You need to be careful about how<\/em> you communicate, what<\/em> you communicate and seek support from trusted people. It is possible to keep communication on an even keel, but you can\u2019t use the same collaborative approach that is advisable in a low-conflict situation.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As the UK\u2019s only divorce coach trained in the high conflict diversion programme, I can help you plan and take action to keep divorce moving without being derailed by your ex.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So, whatever your situation, plan your communication to keep things on track. If you want support to understand what\u2019s right for you so you can achieve your divorce goals with minimal fuss, contact me to book in a call.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Message Emma<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book\u00a0How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready<\/strong><\/a>. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit\u00a0www.emmaheptonstall.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Divorce: It\u2019s About Both of You If you\u2019ve read my book, my blogs, or seen any of my Facebook Lives, you\u2019ll know I always advocate personal responsibility. It\u2019s up to us to examine ourselves, and make choices we are happy with. Equally, it is impossible to be responsible for how adults around us […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4442,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Divorce: <\/span>It\u2019s About Both of You<\/span><\/p> \u00a0<\/p><\/span>What do you want?<\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/span>What do they want?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What\u2019s your situation?<\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/span>The Divorce Alchemist<\/span><\/h2>\n