If you are in a high conflict divorce, you need specialist support
You’re in the right place.
Just as not all domestic violence involves cuts and bruises, not all high conflict situations can be easy to spot, from the inside or the outside.
You might not call it high conflict. You just know you feel trapped, lost, and alone.
Maybe you’ve got so accustomed to your spouse’s behaviour that it just feels normal. But your body knows. You live with a sense of dread, and your mind is constantly jumping around, trying to figure out how to cope with the latest crisis. Maybe your digestion’s a mess, or your skin. Maybe you just feel so completely ground down you don’t know what to think anymore.
Whether you suspect something’s ‘off’ with how your spouse or soon-to-be-ex interacts with you, or you know for sure, you’re in the right place.
Because high conflict divorce doesn’t follow the usual patterns. Being collaborative and amicable is not possible. Sometimes even trying to do this puts you (and your children) at risk of further harm.
Does your marriage tick 5 or more of these boxes?
One of you controls the other financially and/or emotionally
Frequent periods of hostility
One of you constantly belittles the other, shaming them and reducing their confidence and self-esteem
One of you takes little interest in the family, preferring to behave as if they are single or another child within the family
One of you refuses to acknowledge the other party’s feelings, needs or desires
On separation, one of you constantly contacts the other unnecessarily even when asked not to
One of you refuses to respond to reasonable communication
One or both parties complain of being the victim or abused by the other
One or both of you make false accusations
One or both of you accuse the other of abandoning the family, being neglectful, abusive or controlling
One or both of you ignore professional advice
One or both of you fail to put the needs of their children first
One or both of you emotionally manipulate the children
One or both of bad-mouth the other parent and/or extended family
Cafcass or Social Services are involved, or a Guardian has been appointed
One or both of you accuse the other of lying, gas-lighting or displaying personality disorders
No agreements can be made or adhered to
One or both of you believe that they’re the ‘better’ parent
One or both of you hide financial information from the other
Police or Domestic Abuse services have been used
One of you frequently returns matters to court to be looked at again
Financial support is weaponised
One or both of you ignore court directions or orders
If you’re reading this and thinking, ‘yes, this is my life!’, then you are definitely in the right place.
“I liked that you were a high-conflict specialist, a recovering lawyer and mediator and you could help me to reach a settlement using a solicitor in the background. I’d researched a lot but I didn’t know what to do with it and needed my money to go as far as it could. I needed value for money and you gave me that with a sense of humour and empathy.
Our online consultation showed me you understood me. I liked your style, honesty and you felt trustworthy. I had confidence you understood my situation and you could help ME”
Getting Support
Before you say anything, I want you to know that you deserve support. More than that – you need it.
Why?
Because in a high conflict situation, it’s hard to see what’s really happening. Often, you think it’s your fault. Or you think there must be some truth in what he says or he wouldn’t say it. Or you think what he’s saying and doing isn’t that bad.
When you’ve been emotionally abused for years your sense of perspective goes.
You’re not sure what’s real and what’s not.
A professional, confidential, independent voice can support you, challenge you and help you to see things as they really are, however painful that is. And that is the start of everything.
When you deal with your emotions of grief and sadness, you are able to rebuild your self-esteem and move forward.
You are open to learning what you need to do to get your divorce done whilst navigating conflict.
I’m in a high conflict relationship.
What now?
Perhaps you’re already aware you’re in a high conflict situation. You’ve read copious amounts online about Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Gaslighting and you recognise your situation?
Now what?
You’ve probably already realised that this knowledge alone doesn’t help you deal with your situation. If you’ve been searching for ‘answers’, know that in order to move forward, you need to stop looking for answers.
The solution lies with you and a change of your focus.
Yes, you heard me right, the solution lies with you, but probably not in the way you think.
How can I help?
I am the UK’s only accredited High Conflict Diversion Specialist. I know the approaches that will help you (and those that definitely won’t). Together we can come up with strategies that serve you to navigate your high conflict situation.
When you work with me 1:1 you can be confident that I’ll listen, and understand the realities of your situation. And you’ll see that there is a way through for you.
I offer a range of 1:1 coaching options to suit you. You aren’t on your own with this.