It’s always important to think carefully about who you want on your divorce team. Divorce is one of the most stressful things you’ll ever experience, and having people who will genuinely support you, rather than drag you down or offer bad or uninformed advice is crucial. But if your financial situation means your budget is limited, it becomes even more critical that you invest in the right people. So here are five questions to ask yourself when choosing divorce support if money is tight.
What do I want out of this?
What is going to help you move forward in your divorce right now? If money is tight, you may have to make choices based on what’s most needed. For example, do you need help with making a divorce plan, understanding your finances, or processing the divorce? The right divorce support can make all the difference to how you feel and the outcome.
Many of the women in the Absolute Academy use the knowledge and confidence they gain from being there to either self-represent, or use a solicitor tactically, saving themselves thousands of pounds in fees. Others find that the self awareness, confidence and community they build through being part of the Absolute Academy mean they change jobs, or re-enter the workplace after a prolonged time managing the family, giving them more financial independence.
What time do I have to give?
Please don’t let anyone tell you that they can do your divorce for you. They can’t. Many women just want it all to go away, and waste thousands of pounds misusing solicitors. Solicitors are experts in the legal process, and they can advise you on what’s likely to be accepted by the courts as reasonable. They are not there to make the decisions about your future, or serve as emotional support, and you’ll get billed regardless.
So you will need to allocate your own time, energy and attention to your divorce, for a number of months. However, it doesn’t have to be a full time job! Before investing in divorce support, consider what time you have to play your part. For example, if you join a six week divorce coaching programme, will you be able to keep up with it? If you invest in 1:1 coaching, will you be left with a long list of actions that you never get around to completing?
The Absolute Academy is designed to be flexible. It has a low monthly price – from just £97 – and you can use it as you need to, week on week. It might be that some weeks you’re barely in there at all, because other parts of life have taken over. And in other weeks you’re making full use of the group, the Q&A with me, the zoom calls and the toolkits to power through your divorce.
Who will you be getting divorce support from?
You can have your pick of divorce coaches, divorce groups and divorce therapy these days, and I see that as both a good and a bad thing! It’s great because I believe in choice, and I believe it’s so important to have rapport with the person supporting you. However I do urge caution. Not everyone who offers support will be equally trained or experienced.
Increasingly I see people going through divorce themselves and relying solely on this lived experience to set themselves up as a mentor to others. One experience of divorce does not make you an expert! And I see others establish huge groups, with a mass community business model. The danger there is that you have little contact with the person fronting the coaching, and instead find yourself in peer support models. Which can be helpful for feeling less alone, but can also keep you stuck and dependent. Which divorce support feels right for you?
Make sure to check out the credentials of the person who will actually be working with you. For the record, I’m an ex-lawyer, high conflict diversion specialist and trauma responsive coach with over a decade of supporting women make smart decisions for their future.
What’s the vibe?
Here’s the difficult truth: there is a fine line between feeling held and seen in the uncertainty and fear that divorce brings, and being stuck there. And the ethos of the divorce support you choose has a massive impact on how you’re able to move forward.
If you plough forward with the practicalities of divorce without looking your trauma or discomfort in the eye, you’re more likely to make decisions that will set you up for failure in the future. And, on the other hand, if you spend all of your time sharing stories with other women about how horrendous your soon-to-be ex was, you’ll stay stuck and re-traumatise yourself.
As a trauma responsive divorce strategist, I am so alert to the tone I set in my coaching spaces, whether we’re working one-to-one or within the Absolute Academy. They are all designed to help you feel accepted as you are, and move forward into a future you can be excited about.
Am I better off doing it alone?
This is what it all truly comes down to. If money is tight, you need to make sure you’re getting an excellent return on your investment. What might that look like? It depends on what you need. There are three reasons to invest in divorce support:
- It saves you money. Mostly I save my clients money in two ways: firstly by enabling them to reduce the amount they spend on solicitors’ fees. And secondly by helping them avoid financial sinkholes in the future. Do you truly understand your pension situation, for example? So many women don’t!
- It saves you time. If you’re not sure of legal protocols, or what you want from the future, you can spend a lot of time circling around on the internet, or with ChatGPT, asking things like ‘how do I complete the Form E?’ or ‘my husband is refusing to move out, what do I do?’. You may well get there in the end. But you’ll save a lot of time by working directly with someone who knows the system and the divorce playbook inside out.
- It saves you stress. When you have someone to turn to for confidential, impartial support, you have confidence in your next move. It helps your emotional and physical health. It opens up possibilities you never imagined.
If you feel confident on each of these three scores: money, time and stress – then going it alone could work well for you.
Are you looking for budget-friendly divorce support from a trauma-informed divorce strategist? I have two suggestions:
Ask The Alchemist is for you if you’ve mostly got your divorce in hand, but have hit a stumbling block and need some trusted one-to-one support as a one off, or every so often.
If you’d like an affordable way to work with me throughout your divorce journey, come and join us over in The Absolute Academy. You’ll get access to me via a live Q&A and zoom call each week, resources to work through so you know you’re not missing anything as you plan your divorce, and a community of women who get it. It’s £147 per month, or just £97 for the Essentials package if you’re happy to work through the resources without access to the Q&As.
Choosing who to work with is always an important decision, and I’d be delighted if you chose me! You’re welcome to book a free 15 minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
Frequently Asked Questions: Choosing the Right Divorce Support When Money Is Tight
When you’re facing divorce and watching every penny, it’s natural to wonder whether paying for professional support is truly worth it. Below, I answer some of the most common questions women ask when choosing divorce support on a budget — so you can make clear, confident, and informed choices that serve you now and in the future.
Q1: When money is tight, what should I ask myself before paying for divorce support?
A: Before investing, be clear about what you most need right now — practical help, emotional steadiness, or clarity on next steps. Ask yourself, “Where am I most stuck — in my head, my heart, or the practical steps?” When resources are limited, focus on the support that will move you forward fastest and offer the greatest peace of mind.
Q2: If I’m short on time and money, how should I think about what time I have to give when choosing divorce support?
A: Even the best solicitor or coach needs your involvement. Consider how much time you can realistically commit each week and choose support that fits your schedule. Flexible programmes, like The Absolute Academy, help you make steady progress without pressure, ensuring your time and money are used effectively.
Q3: How do I judge if the person supporting me has the right credentials and experience for divorce work?
A: Look for professionals who combine emotional understanding with practical expertise. Ask about their experience with UK family law, trauma-informed training, and any professional standards they follow. A qualified divorce coach offers both empathy and strategy, helping you avoid mistakes and feel confident about your decisions.
Q4: How can I tell if a divorce support option is good value for money?
A: Value isn’t about choosing the cheapest service — it’s about results. Before committing, check what outcomes you’ll achieve, how much direct guidance you’ll receive, and whether there are hidden costs. Genuine support should save you time, reduce stress, and help you make confident, cost-effective choices.
Q5: Is it ever better to go it alone rather than pay for professional divorce support?
A: Sometimes, if you’re organised, emotionally steady, and able to research confidently. However, professional support can prevent costly mistakes and emotional burnout. You don’t have to do everything alone — the right coach helps you feel calm, focused, and supported so you can make smart, informed decisions about your future.
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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