I don’t do relationship counselling, but I’m a great advocate for it. Why? Because it works. Simple. Very few people get absolutely nothing from it. You see, to go to relationship counselling, you need to be willing. Both of you need to be willing. Which is good, right? If you’re not willing, that says a lot about the state of the relationship and you probably need to go more than ever. Relationships are literally a journey in ‘relating’ or connecting. It’s when one of you, or both of you stop wanting to journey that problems occur.
Relationship counselling is always your choice.
If I needed to go to relationship counselling would I? Absolutely!
Have you tried relationship counselling? Many of my clients have already been to a relationship counsellor by the time they come to me, but not everyone has. That’s okay. Relationship counselling is a safe and supportive place for you to share what your thinking and feeling. A trained counsellor is there to help you express those feelings by asking you questions to help you open up and explore what’s really going on for you.
Relationship counselling can be daunting. You might have seen a counsellor on your own before, and it would’ve been just you and them. A safe place just say what ever you want even about your husband. But in a relationship counselling, your partner is there with you listening, observing and taking in your thoughts and feelings. The support of a relationship counsellor can be invaluable for helping you to share difficult emotions. You won’t be on your own, and neither will your husband.
Even if you are your husband aren’t the greatest talkers, relationship counsellors use a variety of ways to support your communication to move forward. It really depends upon the two of you, what do you want and what will work best.
You may use relationship counselling to talk about the issues that you are experiencing in your current relationship or those that are impacting you from the past. You may find doing this is beneficial even if you feel that your relationship is over because dealing with these issues now mean it is less likely that you’ll taken forward to a new relationship.
Listening and feeling heard
Just like family mediation, in relationship counselling you get the opportunity to listen, really listen. Because you probably think you do. We all like to think we listen. But when we are pissed off, angry and emotional there can be and mismatch between what is said and what we hear. A Relationship counsellor is trained to to help you recognise the difference and to really hear what is being said. This can make a massive difference to your relationship, it may be the thing that saves it. Equally, it may be the thing that allows you to recognise that your relationship is definitely done.
Speaking your truth
Speaking of truth can be really hard. When you care about somebody even if you’re no longer in love with them hurting them is not on your agenda. So what do you do? You keep it all in. That’s what causes some of the problems in relationships because unconsciously, that dissatisfaction, that unhappiness that anger and frustration comes out is other small ways. You may pride yourself that there’s no fighting in your relationship. You may boast to friends that ‘we never argue’. Oh really? Well, you might never argue but that doesn’t mean your open, honest, getting on well together and truly happy in your relationship, does it? So relationship counselling is designed to get underneath what’s really going on in your relationship so that you can be open and honest in a kind and supportive way.
How often do you attend relationship counselling?
Again this depends upon you and your partner. You might go every week for an hour for a set number of weeks, you might go less frequently than that. One session maybe enough to restart the communication in your relationship. For others, several sessions may be needed.
My relationship is over, what can I get out of a relationship counselling?
Going to relationship counselling doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve decided to stay your relationship either. You may use relationship counselling as a venue for sharing with your husband that’s you the relationship is over. You can decide to use relationship counselling as the place to explore the practicalities of the end of your relationship on a day-to-day basis. You might want to discuss how you are going to tell the children of your separation, what will happen with the family home in the immediate future, what arrangements there are for the children, and how you’ll manage financially.
How much does Relationship Counselling cost?
The cost of relationship counselling varies across the country as each counselling service is independent even though they may be part of a larger network such as Relate. You may find relationship counselling from a charitable organisation so you can expect there to be a waiting list for this. Investing in relationship counselling will give both of you clarity which you may find to be priceless.
So you’d recommend it then Emma?
Yes! Yes I would and I do! You’ll learn a lot about yourself and how you communicate. You’ll learn more about who you really are and also learn more about your husband too. The key to a great marriage is communication. I also believe its the key to a great divorce too. So if you’re both willing, give it a go. You’ll be glad you did whatever the outcome.
I’m Emma The Divorce Alchemist. I support ladies who leave make smart emotional and financial decisions on divorce. If you have got your copy yet, you can download your free copy of The Smart woman’s Divorce Guide by putting your details in the box below. As well as the Guide, you’ll receive a weekly newsletter from me with support and advice on how to get through your divorce both emotionally and financially. I share practical tips, explain the divorce process and often offer my paid for services at reduced rates for subscribers. You can unsubscribe at any time. If you’d like to know more about me, you can visit my website at www.emmaheptonstall.com or find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/thedivorcealchemist