What is Divorce Coaching?
(and what does a Divorce Coach actually do?)
As you know, I’m Emma Heptonstall, The Divorce Alchemist and I’m a Divorce Coach. You know that right because that’s why you’re here? You are getting or thinking of getting divorced. Here in the UK, not much is known about Divorce Coaching because it’s not something we Brits like to talk about.
So, what is Divorce Coaching and what does a Divorce Coach actually do?
You’d be right in thinking that Divorce Coaching is an import from the United States. Before you yawn and think big hair and blindingly white teeth; before you think oh god not another crazy American import, remember, so is Friends and Sex and The City and you love them don’t you!?
Before you think that Divorce Coaching is for people who are ‘weak’ or ‘can’t cope’, let me set the record straight. Divorce Coaching is not like that. Divorce Coaching is not counselling, and here in the UK we seem to lose sight of that fact. Counselling is very much focused on the past looking at what went wrong, why it went wrong, how it made you feel and why. Counselling is not coaching. So what is coaching? Coaching is a way of supporting learners to achieve specific or personal goals. It’s very future, and solution focused. This is very useful for many people, particularly when you’re getting divorced.
A Divorce Coach is not your best friend or your lawyer
A Divorce Coach is there to support you throughout your divorce from helping you decide on whether a divorce is what you really want; to how go about it and how to get through it. A Divorce Coach will explain what your options are, and support you through emotionally. A Divorce Coach will not give you legal advice, even if, like me, they are legally trained. That’s not the purpose of a Coach. A Divorce Coach is there to help you decide for yourself what you want. If you need legal advice, you go to your lawyer. Divorce Coaching is designed to help you stay in control of the decisions you need to make. We can discuss the legal advice you receive and we can discuss and future pace your options. Future pacing your options means looking at the benefits and consequences of the options available and see how might work out for you in the future. Your Divorce Coach does not sit in judgement and is not there to make those decisions for you however difficult that might be. What your Divorce Coach will do however, is support you to make the best decisions that you can for yourself, with the information that you have.
A Divorce Coach is not an alternative for psychotherapy
The end of a relationship can be very tough, even if it was your idea or you at least agree that your relationship should come to an end. It’s very common to feel lost and alone and this time and you may struggle with depression or anxiety. If you need the support of your GP at this time, you must seek it. Whilst some Divorce Coaches may be trained in counselling skills like me, Divorce Coaching is not counselling and it is not a substitute for therapeutic intervention. If you are being supported with medication or using talking therapies prescribed by your GP, a Divorce Coach may also be very useful to support you with the practicalities and day to day emotional support that is required. A Divorce Coach is employed specifically to help you manage your divorce.
A Divorce Coach will help you get clear and support you unconditionally
Not only will a Divorce Coach coach help you get clear about your options and what you want, they help you look at your values and what’s important to you. They help you decide the things that you need to achieve both emotionally and financially in order to be secure and happy, post divorce. They help you get organised both practically and emotionally. Because they are independent, they are not emotionally involved which means that they act only to support you in your best interests. There are no ‘hidden agendas’.
So, there you have it. Now you know what a Divorce Coach is and what they can do for you.
I’m Emma Heptonstall and I’m a Divorce Coach. I’d love to have a chat with you if you are struggling with the divorce process or you’re just not sure that you want to get divorced and if its right for you. Our call is free for 30 minutes and is completely confidential. I can point you in the right direction of the steps you need to take and other people who may be able to help you. You can call me on 07957 138416, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and you can download your free copy of The Smart Woman’s Divorce Guide today. I look forward to chatting with you soon.