Who’s on your divorce team?
Who’s on your divorce team may sound like an odd question? But divorce can feel lonely. However bad your marriage was, the move from being together to being apart affects every aspect of your life: where and how you live, finances, leisure time, parenting. And that’s without thinking about the strain of the legal, administrative and emotional process that’s part of divorce. Divorce isn’t something to go through on your own. Here’s how to build a team that works for you.
Identify your support needs
First of all, think about what you need. Where are you struggling? What would an ideal support team look like? In the ideal world, Who’s on your divorce team? Don’t think about who can help you at this stage, think about what you need? It might involve:
- Finance advice to help you get organised
- Knowing where to find the relevant legal information
- Confidential support in decision-making
- Someone to let off steam with
- Practical help with childcare so you can continue working
- Someone that let’s you feel looked after
Now think about where that support will come from. Which family and friends do you trust? Is there a neighbour you can share school runs with? Can you organise a joint cooking night with friends so you end up with a freezer full of food and have a proper catch up in the process? Can your mum come to stay for a while? Who can help you navigate financial and legal issues? I can, for starters! Or you could get your hands on a copy of my book, ‘How To Be A Lady Who Leaves’ so you know what you need to tackle, how, and where you can find resources to help you. My website also lists sources of free support and information. What about riding the emotional rollercoaster? Again, as a divorce coach, I can help you see the wood for the trees and make decisions that are right for you, grounded in the legal process. You might also consider therapy – divorce is a testing time and if you’re feeling anxious or depressed it’s important to seek help and look after yourself.
Get the right emotional support
Family and friends can be brilliant in times of crisis. They can help us feel validated, loved and looked after. But a word of caution. Don’t rely solely on friends and family for advice when it comes to making divorce decisions. Some may have been there themselves, and feel like they have the answers. But you are not them. Your soon-to-be-ex-husband isn’t their soon-to-be-ex-husband. Every single divorce is different. And because friends and family have their own history with you, with your soon-to-be-ex-husband and with their own relationship issues, judgement is often coloured. So seek independent advice. Find someone who can help you see the bigger picture, work through everything and make calm, confident decisions based on current legal information.
Get the right legal support
Most, not all, separating couples will need to instruct solicitors before they reach agreement. If your situation is complex or because of financial, emotional or physical abuse, a solicitor can be invaluable if you do your homework and understand how to work with them effectively. It’s wise to get advice once you’ve had chance to make a plan for yourself or taken up mediation – NOT as a first port of call. There are thousands of solicitors out there. Remember they are providing you with a service – they will be charging you after all! So don’t be afraid to shop around and find someone you trust. This is especially important if you are in a high conflict divorce. Many solicitors won’t be trained in dealing with personality issues such as narcissism. Don’t be afraid to ask your solicitor what experience they have in high conflict cases, and dealing with high conflict personalities. And trust your instincts. Go with a solicitor who you click with. I bring my legal expertise, my coaching practice and my fourteen years’ experience of working with divorce to my clients. All of which means when you work with me you have someone who:
- Has your back
- Knows what she’s talking about
- Will help you communicate effectively with your soon-to-be-ex-husband
- Supports you to make decisions, not make them for you
- Will save you time and money through the legal process.
The Absolute Academy
If that’s the support you’d like to get your divorce done this year, contact me for a free initial consultation and we’ll take it from there! One of the most cost effective ways to do this is through my Membership group. Club D36 is going through some changes. Until 1st June 2019, you can join for just £36 per month for as long as you are a member. The benefits include:
- A secret Facebook Community
- An online training portal with audio, video and template content
- My support 7 days a week
- A weekly live Q&A where I answer your questions
- 20% discount of all other paid services (excluding Voxer).
From 1st June, Club D36 will be known as The Absolute Academy and new members will benefit from all the above, plus access to Get Divorce Ready Self-Study portal (£347) as part of the monthly membership of £97 per month. Join before 1st June 2019 and your lifetime membership is just £36 per month. Want access to Get Divorce Ready Self Study and pay just £36 per month? Well you can get that too for £195 rather than £347. You can find out more here: Club D36 The Absolute Academy. Got questions about it, then hit the contact Emma button and send me an email, we can chat!
Who’s on your divorce team – The Absolute Academy
I love being part of the divorce support team for current Club D36 members. I asked them to share what they thought they’d say if someone were to ask about joining and here’s what they had to say:
The Divorce Alchemist
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com