5 signs you are ready for Divorce
So, its January.
The tree has been taken down and you’ve dropped the children off at school. Perhaps you’re at work or you’re a stay at home mum. Whichever.
Your thinking about the big “D” word that lots of women like you think about in January..
I’m not talking about your Diet, I’m talking about Divorce.
There I said it.
I said what you’re thinking, because that’s why you’re reading this. You are wondering whether you should get divorced.
Don’t worry, it will be our secret until you are ready to tell your best friend or your mum. It won’t come from me.
You know that divorce is a big deal, you know that it will change everything and you’re not really sure if you want to do it. You’re unhappy with the way things are in your marriage, you feel like you can’t go on like this anymore… but how do you really know if you’re ready to get divorced?
There’s no right or wrong answer. Some women just know, others are less sure. This post will help you recognise 5 signs that you are ready for divorce.
5 Signs you’re ready for Divorce
1. You can Be honest with yourself
Being honest with yourself is the biggest favour that you can do yourself when you are thinking about divorce.
Divorce is just a legal process and actually, it’s really quite simple and straight forward. It’s the feelings surrounding divorce that takes its toll both emotionally and financially.
It’s how you deal with your feelings that makes the difference in your divorce.
In the article I wrote Help! My husband wants a Divorce, I suggested an exercise to help work out what you want in your marriage and to look at whether your needs are being met. If you need help with this, you can check it out here.
If you are being honest with yourself about how you feel, about the fact that you are unhappy and want to end your marriage, you’re ready for divorce.
2. You’re willing to ask yourself “Is my marriage really over?” and accept the consequences
This applies equally to whether divorce is your idea or not. The truth is, marriages don’t end because of only one person. They end because one person is unhappy. Usually, both people are; if only they’d be honest enough to admit it.
It maybe that you or your spouse has strayed, but remember, infidelity doesn’t come from nowhere.
People in emotionally happy marriages don’t cheat. Fact.
I know that’s hard to hear right now, particularly if your husband has cheated on you. It might be that you’ve cheated on him and feel guilty about it.
I’m not making excuses for either of you, nor is this about blame.
It’s about that gut wrenching honesty that you’ve ignored for a while.
If the thought of getting divorced fills you with terror about what will happen to you and the children, you’ve got more work to do before you ask for a divorce.
If however, you’re ready to accept that maybe your marriage is over and although scared about what that means, you’re willing to move forward, you’re probably ready for a divorce.
3. You’re willing to take responsibility
Remember, there’s nothing you can do to change the behaviour of your husband, you can only change yourself. If you want to. It may already be too late, but if it’s not, what are you willing to do to change your behaviour in your relationship? Are you willing to really hear what your husband feels? Are you willing to do things differently? Are you willing to be open and vulnerable to share with your husband how you feel, and ask him for what you really want? If the answer to these questions is no, you are ready for divorce.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship; it’s also the key to a successful divorce.
Emma Heptonstall ∼ The Divorce Alchemist
4. You recognise that you and your husband have different values without blame
As we go through life we change. Sometimes we grow with our partner at a similar rate. Sometimes we don’t. Its normal. It’s just the way it is. When two people have very different values in a relationship it can be challenging. Blame and anger often surface.
Perhaps you’ve started arguing. Arguing more than you used to.
Disagreeing with your partner is normal and its healthy to express your differences. But consider this.
Are your arguments solution focused? Are they trying to resolve the situation to mutual benefit; or are they about control, manipulation and blame?
Wanting a divorce when you are angry and blaming isn’t healthy.
Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about anger, blame and fighting that would be described as domestic violence. If that’s you, you can find support for that here.
I’m talking about the anger, frustration and blame you feel because your relationship isn’t working.
Divorce maybe inevitable, but you need to find support to deal with those feelings first. It maybe that your marriage isn’t over. Maybe you need help to get back into communication with your husband.
Getting back into communication will give you the clarity needed to make a good decision about divorce. Communication is key a successful relationship, it’s also the key to a successful divorce. If you accept that you and your husband have different values which mean that you can’t be in an intimate relationship from a place of calm, you’re ready for divorce. If you’d like a free 30 Minute Consultation, you can book it here: Consultation
5. You think about being divorced even when things are ok
It’s easy to think about getting divorced when you are unhappy, annoyed or upset. Perhaps you’ve threatened divorce in an argument. At that moment you mean it.
Things calm down and you forget all about it. Your relationship limps along for a few more months. Perhaps because it’s coming up to Christmas or you’ve been busy.
It’s January now and, if you’re honest, even though Christmas ‘wasn’t that bad’, you thought about getting divorced whilst watching your husband playing with the children and your parents haven’t got a clue how unhappy you are. If this is you, you’re probably ready for divorce.
Sometimes it can be really confusing and scary just taking those first steps to think about whether you are ready for divorce. Divorce coaching can help you get clear on whether divorce is right for you. It can also support you through the process if you decide that’s what you want. If you’d like a free 30 minute confidential chat, you can book your appointment here: Consultation.
Perhaps you are already clear that you are ready for divorce. Downloading my free e-book The smart woman’s Divorce Guide – How to get control of your divorce before it gets control of you will help you get clear about what practical steps you need to take to manage your divorce.
I’m Emma The Divorce Alchemist, I support women like you to transform their experience of divorce through coaching. You can get to know me better here.