There are five mistakes I see so many women make during divorce. And they are all fixable, you just need to make some shifts. Here are five things to stop doing now so you can boss your divorce.
1. Stop reacting…
And start responding wisely.
Normalise taking your time to pause, digest and assess.
Here’s what that looks like:
You receive an email from your soon-to-be-ex’s solicitor, demanding some figures by the end of the week.
Reaction: you’re immediately on the defensive, enraged, anxious about getting the information together. You might fire off an angry text to your ex asking them what they’re playing at, and spend the next few days fuming, losing sleep.
Response: you take a deep breath. You think about the practical content of what’s in the email. Is it reasonable? Are they overstepping or playing powergames? You think about your own needs and time frames. You consult professional help if needed (like me!), to be fully informed. And you reply, ‘I’ve received your message, thank you. I’m consulting with my team and can have a response for you within ten days.’
2. Stop emotional communication…
And use BIFF.
Humans are emotional, of course we are. And emotional communication can be helpful in some situations – think about charity campaigns pulling at your heartstrings. But a CEO mindset focuses on logic as well as emotional intelligence. And when you get drawn into emotional communication with your soon-to-be-ex things usually escalate.
So use the BIFF method instead. Keep things:
Brief – no unnecessary extras
Informative – stay on point and move your divorce forward
Firm – no giving away your power with things like ‘if you don’t mind?’
Friendly – in the sense of being civil, not aggressive or passive aggressive.
3. Stop going with the flow…
And make a plan.
Of course, it’s good to be flexible. That’s a known CEO quality too. Life is always going to throw you curveballs. But you need a vision for your future – one grounded in ambitious reality. And then you need to put your attention and energy into making it happen.
4. Stop giving away your future…
Just for a moment’s peace right now.
I see this all the time and it breaks my heart. Women walk away from the financial settlement they deserve because they just want it all to be over. It’s a tactic your spouse will use to grind you down. Fight for your future self and stand your ground.
5. Stop doing it all yourself…
And build a team you trust.
A CEO knows they can’t do everything themselves. They know a successful project requires different skillsets. So they bring in expertise, tactically, while retaining control of the decision-making. You can’t be expected to become a legal and financial expert overnight, or have emotional and strategic insight when you’re deep in stress, maybe trauma. There are professionals who can help you. Invest in them to protect yourself now, and to protect your future.
Being a CEO of your divorce means you are in control of what you do during divorce, not the other way around. As a trauma responsive divorce strategist with over a decade of experience, I can help you take the action you need now to get the future you deserve.
Book your free consultation with me today.
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
0 Comments