Not all of us are CEOs at work, but every one of us can become a CEO in our divorce. What does that mean? In How to divorce like a CEO I’ll talk about the qualities of a CEO, and what that looks like for divorce. Plus the exact steps to take now to ensure you’re not throwing away your power in this huge life transition. In short, read on for everything you need to know to divorce like a CEO!
What is a CEO?
First of all, take a second. Close your eyes and think of all the words you associate with a CEO. Write them down if you can. Take a moment now and give it a go.
What did you write? Chances are your responses will reveal something about your relationship with the term ‘CEO’. Maybe it tells you something about your feelings around power and money – whether you feel comfortable with it or not. Whether you are excited by it or not. It’s worth noticing your response, without judgement.
One of the simplest ways to think about the role of a CEO when it comes to divorce is to break it down into its constituent words: Chief Executive Officer.
- Chief: most senior, the buck stops here
- Executive: someone with the power to make decisions and put them into effect
- Officer: someone who holds an office of trust.
And when I talk about you being the CEO of your divorce, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s your divorce – so the buck needs to stop with you. You are the one who needs to make the decisions and see that they happen. And you need to have trust in yourself to dispense your duties effectively. You need to be a CEO.
It’s not about how wealthy you are, it’s about how you conduct yourself
Divorcing like a CEO is a mindset. And it’s relevant to everyone: whether it’s a high or low wealth marriage, whether you have shared assets or children or not.
Some of my clients are experienced in C-Suite roles at work – but they play a very different role at home. They had given up their autonomy, and deferred to their spouse when it came to decisions within the marriage. I’ve worked with other clients whose husbands ‘took care of the finances’, so when it came to divorce they felt out of their depth.
And I’ve worked with clients who’ve had very little resources at their disposal – there wasn’t a lot of money in the marriage and their spouse made life as difficult as possible… but they still were able to divorce like a CEO. It doesn’t matter what your status or background is. Divorcing like a CEO is for everyone.
Michaela’s story
Take Michaela, for example. Michaela was expecting an amicable divorce, but she hadn’t counted on the pettiness of her husband, once he knew she wanted to leave. She was blindsided by his behaviour, and blindsided by how he had mismanaged the money during divorce.
She faced a future very different to the one she was expecting, and her husband was determined to make it as difficult as possible for her to get anything she wanted and needed. She realised her hope of staying in the marital home was futile; her husband blocked that possibility, and did as much as possible to seize financial control while the divorce was in progress.
But Michaela was determined to do what she could with what she had. She didn’t lose sight of her vision of the future. Her husband was determined that she have as little money as possible, including during the tailend of their marriage. (In hindsight, there were many red flags about his behaviour that she’d normalised). But Michaela was in charge of the household shopping. Her husband didn’t get involved in that. So she thought about her future life, and her future home, and over a period of many months, as the divorce was going through, she started to add items to the weekly shop. Items for her future, independent life.
And, many months later, despite not getting the settlement she’d originally wanted, both in terms of money and in terms of an amicable co-parenting relationship, she’s made the most of what was possible. She was able to furnish her new flat with items she’d chosen.
Michaela’s story is about more than having a nice table lamp. It’s about deploying the resources you have effectively, and taking the long view. Both of which are CEO traits.
So how do you divorce like a CEO?
To divorce like a CEO you need to remember three things:
- Be strategic
- Use your resources
- Own your decisions
Be strategic by looking after your future self. One common thing I see is women sacrificing their pension rights for the marital home. Obviously, all cases are different, but in most cases you are robbing from your future self when you do this. As CEO of your divorce you need to think of your long term future.
Use your resources – and be prepared to draw in help. A CEO doesn’t run an organisation all alone. They have HR, Finance, technical support. They know when they aren’t the best person for the job, and they go to the best person for the job. The same is true in divorce. If you have a complicated, high wealth divorce, you need professional advice. If you want to ensure you are making smart decisions for your future, enlist a divorce coach (this will likely SAVE you thousands in the long run).
Own your decisions – one of the things I remind members of The Absolute Academy, and that I say to all of my clients is that you need to focus on yourself. It’s fine to vent about what a tool your soon-to-be-ex is – but you need to draw a line and start focussing on what you can control now and in the future. And then you need to act accordingly. Otherwise you risk your ex-spouse taking the reins in divorce and you’re on the back foot.
Want the support of a trauma responsive divorce strategist?
What makes me different to other divorce coaches? I specialise in trauma responsive coaching. Which means I’m not only trauma-informed, but can work with you, where you’re at now, to get to a point where you feel and act like the CEO of your divorce.
And I’m not just a coach, I’m a strategist. We pay as much attention to your long term future as we do to making sense of the day-to-day realities of divorce.
I can help with one-off calls, or support you all the way through.
Just book a free consultation with me today and let’s get you divorcing like a CEO.
10 Tips to divorce like a CEO
You don’t need to be a CEO, a boss or even a business woman to divorce like a CEO. These 10 Tips will get you started.
Q: What does it mean to ‘divorce like a CEO’?
Q: What does it mean to ‘divorce like a CEO’?
A: Divorcing like a CEO means taking ownership of your process—just as you would in business. It’s about leading with clarity, confidence, and strategy rather than reacting to circumstances. You’re the decision-maker, setting direction and taking responsibility for outcomes, so your divorce unfolds on your terms.
Q: Is this approach only for high-net-worth or business-owning women?
A: Not at all. “CEO” is a mindset, not a financial status. It’s for any woman who wants to approach her divorce with intention and leadership—whether she’s managing a company, a team, or her own household. The same principles apply: strategy, self-trust, and informed decision-making.
Q: What are the core principles of divorcing like a CEO?
A: There are three:
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Be strategic – think long-term and plan around your future self, not your current emotions.
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Use your resources – build a strong team of professionals to guide and support you.
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Own your decisions – take full responsibility for the actions you choose and the boundaries you set.
Q: What does it mean to ‘be strategic’ in my divorce?
A: Think about where you want to be in five or ten years’ time, not just how you feel today. This might mean pausing before agreeing to a quick settlement or ensuring your pension rights are properly valued. CEOs make data-driven decisions—apply the same principle to your personal finances and legal arrangements.
Q: Who should be on my ‘divorce team’?
A: A smart CEO doesn’t do everything herself. Your team may include:
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A divorce coach or strategist to help you plan and stay emotionally grounded.
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A solicitor who understands your values and goals.
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A financial planner or pension specialist to secure your long-term financial stability.
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Therapeutic or trauma support if needed, to help you navigate emotional or abusive dynamics.
Your team exists to protect your clarity and confidence.
Q: How can I ‘own my decisions’ when emotions are running high?
A: Allow yourself space to feel—but don’t let feelings run the show. Create a decision-making process: list your options, consider the impact, and act on what aligns with your goals. Ownership doesn’t mean perfection—it means consciously choosing and moving forward.
Q: My ex is being difficult or controlling. How do I stay in charge?
A: A CEO doesn’t hand over control to someone behaving badly. Keep your focus on what you can influence—your communication, boundaries, and financial protection. Document everything, use calm, factual language, and rely on your professional team to manage legal or emotional volatility.
Q: I’m confident at work but struggle with money decisions at home. Where do I start?
A: Begin with visibility. Gather your financial information—income, assets, debts, pensions—and understand your numbers. Then, seek expert advice. Financial clarity transforms anxiety into confidence. Remember, informed is empowered.
Q: How do I balance today’s demands with planning for the future?
A: Create a vision for your post-divorce life—professionally, financially, and personally—and let that vision steer your decisions. Even small, consistent steps toward that future are powerful. CEOs don’t fix everything overnight—they lead with focus and resilience.
Q: Where can I get strategic, trauma-informed support?
A: A trauma-responsive divorce coach and strategist helps you think and act like a CEO even when emotions are intense. You’ll gain clarity, practical steps, and steady leadership for the months ahead—so you remain calm, informed, and in control.
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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