5 ways to nurture your relationship with yourself


date published

15th February 2024

written by

Emma Heptonstall

Emmaheptonstall.com Image

date published

15th February 2024

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yet this vital connection is one we often neglect, as we get caught up in the demands of everyday life – especially when going through the pressures of divorce.

In this blog I share five ways you can reconnect with yourself, which is the first, most vital step to living a purposeful and fulfilling life, whether you’re married, in a partnership, happily single or looking for a new relationship. Here are five ways to nurture your relationship with yourself.

1. Know what matters

Do you ever feel like you’re just getting through each day, shackled by life rather than actually living it? You’re not alone. When other people need you, and you have multiple demands on your time it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters to you.

The first step to reconnecting with yourself is taking time to remember, or figure out, what’s important to you. What do I mean by that? Think about:

  • what drives you?
  • what sort of person do you want to be remembered as?
  • if money were no object, how would you spend your time?
  • what are your top three values in life?

Once you can answer these questions for yourself, you’ll have a clearer idea about what’s most important. Next you need to work out how to bring that into everyday life.

2. Tune into what you need

Before you can think about living your values, take a moment to consider whether you have the basics in place. Are you getting enough sleep, movement and nutrition into your days and weeks? This isn’t about turning into Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s about making sure you can prioritise the basics for health and wellbeing.

In stressful situations, like divorce, these are needed more than ever. And the cruel irony is that these often basics go out the window, as insomnia and comfort eating move in. If you find you’ve slipped into a routine of late nights, too much drinking, or ditching the yoga class, don’t beat yourself up. It’s fine to cut yourself some slack. But do think about what you most need right now.

A period of not worrying about healthy eating, and living off ready meals can be liberating for a while. But if you’re in a place you don’t want to be when it comes to the foundations of your health, take small, kind steps back to something that serves you better.

3. Boundaries

Nurturing your relationship with yourself requires you to be conscious about your relationships with others. This is a real big one for many women, who, like me, find themselves falling into a people pleasing role.

You are not a mean or unfair person if you call time on habits or behaviours that squeeze you out of your own life. It’s one thing to be friendly and helpful, it’s another to be so accommodating of everyone else’s requests, there’s nothing left for you.

Setting boundaries involves really thinking about what you want and what you’re prepared to accept in your life, and what you’re not. And then following through on making sure the ‘nots’ don’t happen. For example, if you’re always the one expected to organise social events at work, or the PTA school fair – consider whether this is realistic for you.

4. Shake up your ‘yes’ and ‘no’

If you’re doing work on your boundaries, you may find yourself needing to say no to others more:

  • ‘No, I can’t have the children for an extra weekend’
  • ‘No, I can’t have the work experience student shadow me this time, it’s someone else’s turn’
  • ‘No, I can’t bake for the cake sale, but I’ll do it next month’.

Saying no feels hard at first: but like anything, it gets easier with practice. And the best thing about saying no, is that it often frees up time to say yes. Saying ‘yes’ is an often neglected part of your self-connection – but it’s just as important. We can fall into ruts in terms of our routines, hobbies, and friends. But saying ‘yes’ to new and different things can help you figure out what really makes you feel good, as opposed to ‘doing okay’.

Here’s some homework for you: what can you say no to today? And what about yes? What opportunity would you like to seize?

5. Find people to support you

Building a relationship with yourself doesn’t mean doing everything alone – quite the opposite. It means recognising what makes you feel good, where you feel insecure or worried, and looking after yourself.

Part of that looking after comes from enlisting other people. Maybe you want to reconnect with friends and could really do with a coffee and chat. Or you realise that a therapist would help you process your feelings. Or you recognise that a coach can move you from feeling overwhelmed to empowered. Where do you need help in being the person you want to be, living the life you want to live? Give yourself the gift of asking for that help.

Want to join a community of women who get it? Where you can connect, rant, celebrate and move forward with confidence. And, even, have fun while you’re doing it?

Come and join us in The Absolute Academy. It’s where you’ll find me, answering your questions on live Q&As every week. You get access to the full Get Divorce Ready programme and a treasure trove of other resources, checklists and guides. And you’ll find yourself cheered on by a fantastic community of women as you reconnect to yourself and do divorce your way.


About Emma

Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of  The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com


Introducing Should I Be a Lady Who Leaves

The most comprehensive programme for deciding whether to stay or leave your relationship. No more sleepless nights, second-guessing your future. Learn how to make this most important decision with complete confidence, and move forward with ease.


Get Divorce-Ready™

Get Divorce-Ready™

The thought of divorce is scary – I get it.

When you know exactly what you have and what you want and need, you trust yourself and your confidence grows.

When you have trust in yourself you have a voice. When you have a voice, you’re able to advocate for yourself putting yourself in the best position to get your divorce done in the easiest way possible.

In this FREE guide, I will help you understand the 3 steps you need to take in order for you to be able to approach your divorce from a place of calm, clarity and confidence.

Fill in your details below to get the download straight to your inbox.

Hey lovely! To help you get the most from my content, I’d love to know which group best describes your situation. You can choose as many as you wish:


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts:

Pin It on Pinterest