This month’s deep dive on the blog is all about shifting into the Empowerment Triangle, and how this can be transformative for your divorce. Read up on the Empowerment Triangle here.
Shifting into Creator mode means you’re able to take the steps forward you need to get the life you want. Doing this in Victim mode is possible, but it’s like carrying a backpack filled with rubble on your back. And, metaphorically, that’s what you’re doing as a Victim – carrying the weight of all the rubble that life has brought you.
Developing a Creator mindset takes work. And it can be hard to know what it even looks like. This time on the blog, I’m sharing five ways to think as a creator rather than as a victim, so you can start to consider what this looks like for you.
A Creator is hopeful
Where a Victim experiences despair, a Creator turns to hope. Better times are on the horizon. Better times are happening from this very minute.
What if things could change? What if you got some professional advice and it moved you on? What if you could take the children on holiday on your own and have an amazing time?
Whether it’s to do with the divorce process or general life management, living in hope that things will not always be like this gives the Creator energy – which is what we’ll turn to next.
A Creator is energised
It’s understandable to feel ground down by the end of your marriage, and the divorce process. But, unlike a Victim, a Creator doesn’t feel constantly crushed by life. They have a well of energy which comes from a sense of being in control of their own life, and a vision for the future. Rather than agonising about being stuck in a bad place, they are excited for what’s to come. And that’s because they have a vision of what they want, which we’ll move onto next.
A Creator is inspired
When you know what you want, and what your values are, it’s rocket fuel for your creative energy. You’re no longer struggling with something – the present circumstances. You’re focussed instead on what you can make happen going forward. Whether it’s something like repainting a bedroom to reset your personal space, considering future career options or finding a creative way through complex financial settlements, a Creator is able to step into a place of inspired possibility.
A Creator is resilient
The point of stepping away from Victim mode and into Creator mode isn’t to pretend everything will instantly get better. Yes, you can influence how other people treat you by how you treat yourself and how you show up in the world, but you can’t control what other people do. Chances are your soon-to-be-ex will carry on being a bit of a tool. You might not have the most understanding boss. Friends might not support you as you’d like them to.
But in Creator mode, you know that this has nothing to do with your ability to handle life. You can deal with these curveballs, and take the next step forward. It’s fine to rest and take a break, but you’ll keep on keeping on.
A Creator is realistic
You might have read this far and think ‘Emma’s in cloud cuckoo land! In reality, life happens and it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.’ Of course, that’s true. As I said just now, your soon-to-be-ex will carry on being a tool. We can’t pretend that navigating life as a Creator makes all your problems disappear. But it does make them easier to deal with. When you know, really truly know that you have the inspiration and resilience you need, the knocks don’t dent you as much.
And realism is important too. It’s unlikely that you’ll get exactly what you want all the time. It’s unlikely you’ll feel 100% all the time. So it’s about doing what you can with what you have. Baby steps are what’s important – they are moving you in the right direction.
Are you ready to step into Creator mode?
How do you feel reading that list? Are you ready to step into Creator mode? One way to do it, from just £97 a month, is to join The Absolute Academy. You’ll get a kick-start call with me, and all the resources you need to take control of your divorce, including working on your mindset. And, if you opt for the full membership, you’ll also access my Q&As and zoom meetings every single week, to get the support you need directly.
Find out more and choose your Absolute Academy membership here!
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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